Late introduction early good bye

[Evilangel]

Again why would assume I didn't think so. I'm sure you do, All I'm saying is I don't want to be, don't identify as ,and certainly don't want to be called trans by anyone.

[Evilangel]

Well here we go again, after reading the post from the link explain to me how I was being divisive. I'm not, I respect how you identify I choose not to. What I am here for is knowledge. I think if I don't get to tell you how to live what gives you the right to tell me how to. This is why I don't post because of some individuals tell me I must be trans or be silent. Again I think you need to quit interpreting my words I never claimed anyone to be lesser in anyway.

[Janet_Girl]

Back to subject at hand, Please.

[Wendy1974]

We aren't telling you that you have to identify as trans or that you have to get srs. Like you I don't think of myself as trans either, I believe it has a negative effect on someone when they focus on those trans words. All we are trying to say is don't give up! Don't kill yourself over surgery.

[pretty pauline]

Evilangel
Take care of yourself and stick around, some girls have minor and other problems after surgery, I had my surgery 25years ago,had some appearance problems but got it sorted,

The thing is most of us who get good results do not go splashing pics of our nuaghty bits all over the net!

Exactly, but I remember showing my Mother my results and she said my vagina looked exactly like any normal woman, as for boyfriends, they could never tell the difference.

My advice please get help for your psychological state and don't do this.

Please take good advice Evilangel, keep us updated, this forum is here to help.
Best Wishes
Pauline

[Dryad]

Ehm.. 'Trans(gendered, sexual)' is not something I identify with, either. I identify with women, while I was not born one, genital-wise. That 'condition' is referred to as GID; Gender Identity Disorder/Dysphoria, often called 'trans,' for short. It's nothing more or less than that.
It's not a subculture, not a defining factor. It's just that: A condition.
You're just going on and on on the '->-bleeped-<-'-thing, as if you mean the porn genre. Well; if that's how you want to perceive it, there is little I can do to change it. But let's be honest, here: A rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet. GID is simply usually referred to as 'trans.'

[alexia elliot]

Evilangel I admire your courage. In my book the end is just a switch, we just turn this world, this existence off. You mentioned Marine corps, I am sure you are as solid as a rock on the outside and as soft as beautiful as an angel within. I relate to your style of thinking and no I am not trying to label anything, just merely see same scenarios in front of me. I am realist and realistically can't see how this story, my story, is going to end well. But I found that since I let go and started to live the dream rather than solid core reality, I get to smile more often. The end will come, if the biggest blow life can threaten me with is death, and through death I will finally be released, then I say: Life bring it on! But don't give life premature satisfaction,fight the enemy until it bleeds, and if end will come you will be laughing last.

[uni]

To reply, I didn't say I didn't want it otherwise I wouldn't have started this whole mess. Another thing I don't belong to a community, family or any other term of a group of trans people. I don't want to look at anyone naked unless we share the same bed. I am not a trans anything, if you want to claim that title be my guest. For me some terrible mistake occurred that needs to get fixed. Looking at what's available is lacking in my eyes. I read from time to time comments like, "I'll take anything " and "it's better than what was there" are ones that don't apply to me I'm not going to take just anything and be happy with it. Again if it works for you great I'm going to pass.

I think many of us feel some terrible mistake occurred at birth and that we are deformed and that we can never be normal. Even seemingly normal people wish to be someone else for non-gender related issues. Contrary to what illogical thoughts depression might have you believe, you are not that unique. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Reality check: SRS is "primitive and incomplete" but killing yourself over not achieving perfection would be natural? You are basing your self worth around the appearance of your genitals that you claim nobody will see anyways unless they share the same bed as you.

By the way, all of the post-op pictures I have seen look way better than what I was born with and I'm cisgendered female. Those surgeons are real artists and make some genetic vaginas look like work from Picasso on drugs.

[vanna]

I think this is really sad,

i am and have struggled not taking my own life before srs and now it is only 5 months away it is what keeps me going. It would be a terrible waste if you did.

I was at Dr Suporns this year and i can assure you with all my heart the results there were nothing remotely a hack and slash job, a work of art and im not just looking at rose tinted glasses evil angel.

Please look deeper, visit these actual surgeons and see the results first hand before you even consider such a horrid act

a life wasted was no life

stay safe and "hug"

[Evilangel]

I've listened to you all, thought it over and decided to get rid of it anyway. I guess surgery is a big part of it but not all of it. It comes down to the fact I'd rather be dead than be trans. I hate it and I don't want anything other than to be normal. Even my therapist agrees it's my choice and I don't have to stay and suffer. So thanks for your concern and time. I wish you all well and you find the happiness I couldn't.  Good luck

[Fenrir]

You could be wonderful, you know. Don't erase that. It's always a terrible loss when someone decides to take their own life, because they feel there's no better alternative. There's always an alternative. Move away somewhere, start transition there so that people who know you now don't know at the very least. How would this be a worse loss to them than if you killed yourself? Every human being has a chance to make a positive difference in this world, don't leave it on a negative difference...
I don't know what else to say. Just, please, don't.

[blackMamba]

I've listened to you all, thought it over and decided to get rid of it anyway.

Get rid of what?  penis?

[Kellsie]

Listen Marine, taking your life is not the answer.  Do what marines do and that is fight.  Come on devil dog, hang in there. As a former special ops person just be the woman you know you are and forget the terminology of our dilemma,  but that which does not kill us will only make us stronger.

[glendagladwitch]

I've been coming here for most of the last ten years since starting transition. Although I've never entered the discussion I've grown to like a few of you and dislike a few. I've come to the conclusion after reading various topics from HRT to surgery that I'd rather die than be anything trans. I've been on HRT, had FFS, BA and have still not taken the final step of srs. I choose not to live due to the unfortunate fact that it's still way to primitive and incomplete. I've held out hope of things changing but it appears not to be the case after reading Melan's thread https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,77576.0.html Some of you seem to think that anything is better than what's there now and I respect that but I choose death over accepting something I find repulsive. Sorry I really didn't get to know you better, take care and good luck

After surgery, you will basically be the same down there as any woman who has had a bad infection or cervical cancer or the like, and who has undergone a complete surgical reconstruction of the vagina as a result.  Do you think such a woman should off herself over something so minor, just because it makes her different from other women?

Granted, you will still have some differences to your skeletal structure due to exposure to male hormones during puberty, and there's nothing to do about that. But you'll be no different from a woman who was exposed to only male hormones, and not female hormones, during puberty.  So you still will be just like a natal woman in truth, physically.  It's doable, you can achieve it.

Even the y chromosome will not disqualify you.  There are natal women who are XY phenotype, and I'm not talking about hormone insensitivity.  I mean that the gene that makes a person develop as male is sometimes, though rarely, absent from the Y chromosome.  It is also sometimes present on the X chromosome, so there are some XX males out there too, who don't know that they lack a Y chromosome.

So go get that surgery and rest easy in the knowledge that there is no physical traight that you possess that makes you not a woman.

[Evilangel]

It's been awhile since I've logged on and yes I still exist but not after Thursday. I've been talking with everyone from my therapist, family and friends. I've also thought about what was said here, it still comes down to the fact I'm trans and no surgery, therapy or anything else for that matter will ever change that ever. I hate the surgical options as it will never be like a genetic vagina, never be able to reproduce, have the right bone structure, or have the right upbringing and I'd rather spill my insides than live here. Thursday is my birthday and I find it poetic than I end this nightmare on the day it began by removing my head from my shoulders. So thanks again for your advice but what it comes down to is I'd still rather be dead than be anything trans.

[Hurtfulsplash]

Aww come on now, I don't want you to harm yourself. If you could just hang on... I can't promise things will get better, but you never know what is out there. Just keep talking to us. I wish you strength!

[Flan]

The National Suicide hotline is 1-800 SUICIDE or 1-800-784-2433; talk line is 1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-273-8255, both toll-free, 24 hours a day / 7 days a week.

The Trevor Project is geared towards suicide prevention for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning youth. http://www.thetrevorproject.org/home2.aspx 866-488-7386

call em if need be
(because permanent "solutions" don't solve temporary problems)

[Evilangel]

Your so wrong and please don't tell me everything is going to be ok. That's not the truth it's not ever going to be like it should have been. I want this to never have happened to me in the first place. I'm not going to accept it. I refuse this life. I want what I should have had from the begining and no one can provide that.

[Nicky]

I am sorry to hear how much pain you must be in right now. That must be simply awful the place you are in.

Have you thought of trying out the surgical options before trying to complete suicide? I mean you don't have anything to lose right? How would your family and friends feel about you taking your own life?

Post Merge: July 27, 2010, 03:30:48 AM
It sounds like you have a great family and great friends. You must really care for them.

[rejennyrated]

Your so wrong and please don't tell me everything is going to be ok. That's not the truth it's not ever going to be like it should have been. I want this to never have happened to me in the first place. I'm not going to accept it. I refuse this life. I want what I should have had from the begining and no one can provide that.

Whilst I still sincerely believe that your analysis is 100% FLAWED it must be admitted that it is ultimately your decision and your life to throw away if you so choose.

It is sad that there is apparently a real gulf of understanding between those who choose suicide and those of us for whom such an option is basically unthinkable. So if your mind is truly made up perhaps the only meaningful thing I can say to you at this point is: Goodbye!

How sad. Although I will admit that I still cherish the hope that in the final event you may yet change your mind and realise the utter futility of this action, which really won't actually change anything much and that perhaps the starkness of a "Goodbye" may shock you out of your illusions about this.

Heck you may not even be missed and mourned as much as you may perhaps secretly imagine. Not only so but if there is a rebirth you may simply face the same situation again. So think very carefully before you do this, because I assure you it is perfectly possible to fail miserably even in death. Suicide is really not the answer you think it is. Life is meant to be lived and overcome, and by your own admission you have not even tried the available solutions yet, so to my mind at least, you are being somewhat irrational and precipitate.

I really think that as Nicky said you should try it properly before you reject it.