Excited for us?

[wife4ever]

My husband recently began attending two support groups, seeing two therapists, chatting with people online and otherwise dedicating himself to exploring his ->-bleeped-<-. Great for him, yes! Great for me, maybe - but right now it doesn't feel so great.

I'm so lonely. Everything in life is about his new dress, his next meeting, his toenail color, etc...everything else in life seems to be a matter of irritation to him.

He spends weeks planning outfits for his next set of meetings/sessions and yet complains about having to dress up (as a man) for a wedding we attended last weekend. It was finally my turn to put on a dress, do my hair, paint my nails and have fun being pretty and he complained the entire time. We left at 8:30. He has an event this weekend that he has already spent weeks planning for, no doubt he will find the energy to stay out until 1AM, 2AM...

Add to that the fact that I am constantly berated for being not supportive enough. I am touted at his support groups as 'one of those wives' and I sit back and wonder, why am I going through all of this?

I am dedicated to my husband and am open-minded and willing to live an alternative life style in the future to accommodate his needs; shouldn't I also be able to expect that he still care for and nurture my needs?

I need someone to talk to and my therapist isn't cutting it. What do I do?

[Sarah Louise]

Yes, if your spouse wants to stay together, they need to respond to your needs also.  Nothing should be one sided, that is a sure way to seperation.

Sarah L.

[cynthialee]

It is hard. The trans spouse is on a voyage of discovery, but in teenage mind set, and the wife (or husband) is left watching change and feeling shut out.
I tottaly understand your issues. (oh boy do I ever)
Remind her diplomaticly that you have some needs. Try and avoid 'you statements' and stick to I statements. I statements do not inflame feelings like you statements.

She is going through probably one of the most exciting and stressful periods of her life. She will tend to be self centered and selfish like a teen quit often. The second puberty stage does come to an end. I think I have heard it said a newly out transwoman is mentaly/socialy about 12 years old. Luckily we tend to mature fast. lol
Is she on HRT yet?

I am in a really complicated situation so many of my opinions can be unhelpful at times, but I do see both sides of this from a personal point of view. (both me and my wife are transitioning)

[Just Kate]

vexing is right.

Your spouse's focus is your spouse at the moment, and all this new "freedom" he is experiencing could lead to him wanting more and more "freedom".  I say this because I've seen it.  Husband starts transition, wife is supportive, husband experiments sexually as a woman, wife is angry her boundaries have been broken, husband leaves wife because she doesn't support him. 

You need to rein him in, remind him where his priorities are and make yourself known in his life.  You don't have to do this angrily, in fact, that hardly works, but you can still make your presence felt in peaceful ways.  If you don't draw the line, he will run all over you in the name of his ->-bleeped-<- as he seems to be doing now (regardless if it is intentional).

My wife has to remind me occasionally that she has needs too despite my condition.  This is always welcome because even though I'd never TRY to hurt her, it is easy to get absorbed in the dysphoria and forget the loving and wonderful people around you.

I wish you the best of luck.  In my book, you are already a saint for going this far with him.  Let me know if you'd like to talk.  My wife is also on this forum occasionally should you want another SO's perspective.