LADIES! HELP =[

[accord03]

This is going to be a bit long so I'm sorry but need some opinions and thoughts.


So, I've cheated on my girl a few times (Yes, I'm an idiot and I regret it!) I still love her alot and I want her back so much. I've been asking her back out but she keeps saying it's not the right time which annoys me cause what timing? Anyways, at first I thought she was playing mind games with me cause I hurt her badly so I decided to tell her, she's out of my life cause she was being mean and heartless towards me. She wanted to see me for the last time on Wednesday, I had to be difficult and told her Tuesday or never. She pretty much begged and was hella sweet towards me so I agreed to see her on Wednesday. We were on the phone Tuesday midday and we got into an arguement about my ex girlfriends. I told her I'll come by for abit and see her which means forget about tomorrow (Wednesday) and this would be the last time. We sat in the park, she placed her head on my shoulders and said "Thankyou for everything. Thankyou for always being there for me", she cried alittle (she also cried after the ex convo) and I just held her. After a bit, I took her home and in the car she's like "Wanna see me tomorrow? I said "No" she asked me if I was sure and she wouldn't mind seeing me. I hugged her and told her to move on, she didn't hug back or say anything. I rejected the offer and got home regret it. I called her and asked her, she hanged up then I msged her and she said she's confused of what I want etc. I called and said just see me, it'll be good and she said she's not going to make it easy for me. We spoke on the phone for an hour, said she'll let me know if shes going to see me tomorrow or not before 12. I called her at 11 pm, she said she'll call me back soon and she did after 15 mins or so. She said she can see me and asked me what I was doing. **I was gonna do her something special. Cleaned my room, decorate it, darken it, lit candles, play slow music etc**  I said it was something special and she insisted I tell her so I just said I'm decorating my room. After a few mins, she was off to bed so said goodnight and will see me tomorrow. BTW: At this time she already told me her mobile was switched off. She calls me back after 20 mins or so, saying she can't see me. She has to go with her bro to do some errands which I was upset cause she ALWAYS does it to me. Always leave me hanging at the last minute. Said she can't give me a straight answer now so it's a maybe and would let me know tomorrow morning. By this time, I'm ARGHHH && !
After 15 mins or so, I call her mobile and ITS SWITCHED ON which made me more angry. Why did she lie to me sayin it was switched off and if she just switched it back on, WHY? For what? At this time. I call her home phone, she picks up and stays quiet. I'm assuming her familys around so I hang up. Kept calling her mob and she doesn't pick up.


What does this mean? Is she testing me and my patience? Most girls I've asked tonight has told me it's cute and that she's testing me cause girls don't like making it easy for guys? Which I totally believe cause my girl has kept repeating that she doesn't want to make it easy for me for the last 3 days.

So, what do you ladies think? She testing? Playing with my head? Or what...

Thankyou in advance.

[uni]

I don't know if she's testing you or not but it sounds like she is. Why? Maybe being with you lowered her self esteem to the point she thinks being alone is worse than being treated as if she's second, third, or fourth best (or however many times you've cheated on her) by a disloyal pig.

Let me ask you this, do you regret that you cheated on her or that she found out? People like you should not be in commited relationships. I suggest an open relationship, that way you have nothing to hide and nobody is hurt because their expectations are out in the open.

[Torn1990]

 

   Let her move on, that's the least you could do. The way you keep pushing, and then pulling is a tad abusive to her emotions. I think she's past testing you. If it were me, I would be moreso annoyed/pissed off. 

[Kristyn]

You've given her the upper hand by dumping her then calling her to say you have changed your mind and want her back.  Checkmate! You've lost and she has total control over you now.

[Nicky]

Perhaps you should move on?

Do you think you deserve to be accepted back? I mean people make mistakes sometimes, not that it should be condoned in any way, but in a fairly solid commmunicative relationship you can sometimes weather it and sort things out. But to cheat a few times...perhaps if you really love her you should do the right think and let her go. She deserves better right?

I think she is hurt and confused. She still likes you, but you hurt her real bad. Then you send all these mixed signals. It is just stuffing her up. If she accepts you back it is like she forgives you for the bad stuff and perhaps will open herself to being hurt again.

[blackMamba]

She doesn't know whether to trust you or not.  She made herself vulnerable and took a risk and told you her feelings and wanted to be with you.  She obviously has feelings for you.  But you said no, I don't think so.  Ouch, rejection sucks, even after the multiple cheating.  Then all of a sudden you change your mind.  Have you thought that maybe she thinks you are playing with her head?

It's a trust thing, do you blame her?  It sounds like there is chemistry between you two, but the relationship just didn't work out for other reasons.  You need to redeem yourself some way, prove it, be relentless in your efforts if you really want her back.  You say "I was gonna do her something special".  No, don't say "going to".  You need to take action NOW and prove it to her.  You need to demonstrate and build her trust back.  And if she rejects you, be prepared to walk away and say you tried and move on if you have to. 

I have some advice for her too, but not sure you would like it.

[aydan_boy]

I sympathize with HER. What's she supposed to do/feel after you've cheated? Its a lot of pain. Let her move on, or make her move on, cuz this is clearly causing her stress, and confusion.
You have the right idea about trying to make amends, but when she picks up the phone, knows its you, and still doesn't talk, its time to give up.

[Janet_Girl]

I am sorry Accord.  But you lost all trust with her, and she has every right to tell you to take a hike.  Right now you are in the dog house and the dog wants it back.

If I were her, I lose your number.

[accord03]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the comments. We spoke this morning and she said she wasn't sure what time she is free but really wanna see me but I told her, we'll just see eachother tomorrow and after awhile she agreed to it. She turned her phone back on cause she wanted to talk to me but didn't have any energy and fell asleep.

There is alot of chemistry and love between us. I know I should of thought about it when I cheated on her but I reacted badly whenever she did something behind my back,  I lose control and run to any girl who's waiting for the chance. But I shouldn't make reasons or excuses up. What I did was clearly wrong and I know I hurt her so much.

I've let her go, hoping she'll meet a better guy or be fine without me but after a month of disappearing from her. She calls, we end up talking again and she said she didn't like how we were apart so we both tried moving on but we can't. It's weird cause we end up in the same spot, no matter what we go through or try and break it off. Everyone believes we're meant to be and she does too. That's why I want to gain her trust again and let her open up to me again, promising with my whole heart I won't ever cheat or hurt her again.

[Cindy]

I'm not sure about the others. I regard people who cheat while in a committed relationship and promise to never do it again are like an alcoholic who says they will never drink again. Some succeed many don't.

If she takes you back and if you cheat on her again I think she has the right to cut your balls off from the neck down. Then again I'm not a vindictive female otherwise I'd do something really nasty.

Cindy

[Dryad]

You say that, whenever she does something behind your back..? Like what; shopping? Or sex?
And then you go and do something behind her back. Are you sure there's not something retributive going on? Ask yourself this, first: Why did you do it? What feelings spurred you?

As far as I'm concerned, cheating in itself is a sign that the relationship is not worth keeping.

I'm not the vengeful type; I'd just tell you it's over. She, on the other hand, seems to cling to you, now. I don't think that's very good for her. No matter if you want her back. If you really love her, then choose what's best for her. Not for you.

Also, I second Cindy in that once someone cheats on you, you can never trust them again in a relationship. You might be trustworthy in a relationship with someone else, but that's another thing.
I'm terribly sorry if this hurts. But I simply don't know how to fix your situation, or even if it should be fixed. You can't change the past; it is what it is.

[Lachlann]

There's more to a relationship than just love and chemistry. It's one part of it, but it doesn't matter how much love and chemistry there is, sometimes you're just not meant to be together in a relationship(or a long term one.) Relationships don't run on feelings alone, they have to also run on trust and co-operation.

As I always say; One part feelings, one part business. And I really do think that it's true, because let's be honest, I think a lot of us like romantic ideals, but it doesn't happen in real life. You miss an entirely different dynamic in a relationship if you're only thinking about how much you love each other.

I was in a relationship where she was the one who always lied, didn't want to listen and ended up cheating on me several times. Our relationship was fine for the first couple of years, but then she just started acting like that, and everything just went downhill. It wasn't the same anymore, we didn't break up more than 3 times, but the last time we got back together I just couldn't trust her anymore, no matter what love I still felt for her. I started to get very bitter and jaded about the relationship and I realized my feelings were there just because I was afraid of being alone or that I missed something that I couldn't get back.

You say you lose control and go out and cheat, but the truth of the matter is you always have control of your actions. You always have a choice.

It might just be better for the both of you to break it off and spend time on your own.

[accord03]

You guys are right. This relationship cannot be revived anymore I messed it up. arghhhhhhh! I dont deserve to breathe.

She called me up at 11:16 pm and I was happy to hear my phone ring. I heard silence then a sigh which made my heart stop cause I knew something was up. She said she needs to tell me something, she told me that we should go our seperate ways and she's been thinking about this the whole day cause I asked her if she was planning to be with me anytime soon. She told me she didn't want to get my hopes up and that she's really confused. She has been crying too. She can't stop thinking about other girls and don't want to see me tomorrow and be in my room knowing many girls has been there. I told her give this love a chance to atleast see eachother again as friends. I had to convince her so much, also made her laugh by popping up something funny so she agreed to see me tomorrow. I asked her if she has given up on marriage and family with me, she said it's not that and she just doesn't want to be with me for now. I msged her before she called asking if I pick her up which she just replied to me then saying "Yes."


I should really let her go... =\

[mickie88]

my ex cheated on me, came home and told me she was sorry and wanted to work things out. lies 1 and 2. i tried to work things out but she didn't want to give up him, i said i was done and cleaned my stuff out of what was our room and told her i wanted a divorce. you cheat once, in my book you're done for good. i'm very emotional WITHOUT hrt, so i wasn't going to fight a losing battle over someone who i thought was worthless(him). she wants to go around and tell everyone i gave up on her, the truth is she gave up on me, otherwise she would still be with me. you both deserve to be with better people. if u don't mind my asking how old are the two of you anyway?

[tekla]

If you've cheated on her 'a few times' I'm sure she was thinking that if she stayed it would become a 'few times more.'

[lilacwoman]

I think this girl needs to get herself a new guy and stop wasting time with a control freak like you.

[notyouraverageguy]

Trust is a very important thing in any relationship, without it you won't get anywhere.

Believe me, I've tried. No matter what feelings you have for each other, if one doesn't trust another or both even, it'll never get anywhere. If anything the more you try to force it to work, the worse it'll get.

Some ppl can't give trust back once you lose it, who knows maybe she's willing to give you another chance.
But I know I wouldn't cheat on someone I loved/truely care about, why would I want to hurt them in that way &be selfish.

Idk, maybe you should just let each other go. Move on, there are other fish in the sea.

[Sabene]

Those that we profess to love deserve at the least our honor and honesty and it seems that in the past you have given this girl neither.  Further, your being pulled to and fro in indecision over what you want is causing unnecessary drama and is simply complicating the situation and hurting you both.

If this person is someone you want in your life as more than a friend, then she deserves your best - behavior, attitude, and attentiveness.

Lose the drama and make your moves from a place of integrity and concern for her heart first and your own needs and desires second.  Be that moving to let her go, or continuing on a path with her to a relationship.  Be impeccable with your word, and let your words drive your deeds.

[tekla]

Move on, there are other fish in the sea.

Seems this person knows that, as they have been fishing off the pier for a while now.