Dealing with peculiarly cis male questions/issues

[Arch]

I'm sure we all have our awkward moments, but I was caught off guard the other day. I'm not out to my gay men's group. One night, I was standing around with some older gentlemen (two in their seventies and one over eighty) who were talking about prostate cancer. One fellow had had his prostate removed years ago, another had just had his surgery, and another was talking about his PSA levels. Then one guy suddenly asked me if I'd had my first prostate exam yet. I was startled and only said, "Uhh, not yet." I look younger than I am, and different organizations recommend different ages for the first exam, so for one or both reasons nobody hassled me about getting with it and making a doctor's appointment.

I'm kind of stumped, though. I might never encounter this question again. But if I do, I'm not sure how to answer. I don't want to out myself, and I don't want to lie (for one thing, I'm not very good at it). If I say my prostate is fine, I'm lying because I have no prostate. If I say I don't have one, that invites questions about my supposed surgery and all of that. All I can think of is, "I don't have any prostate problems at the moment" or something similar.

Now I'm wondering what other male-only surprises might catch me off guard. Have you ever encountered similar questions or issues, ones that apply to cis men and not to trans men? If so, what happened and how did you handle it?

Funny stories are good, but my main goal is to be informed so that I can better anticipate what kinds of things might come up in the future.

[emil]

"are you circumcized?"
i told them i am because so are most packers
but it was followed by questions because it's rather unusual where i live

[Autumn]

I had my first prostate exam when I was like... uhh.... 12? For some reason I can't even recall. God, I felt slimy forever from the vaseline.

[Lachlann]

"are you circumcized?"
i told them i am because so are most packers
but it was followed by questions because it's rather unusual where i live

Hah! I say I'm not because my clit has a hood, so I consider it close enough.

[Cairus]

Ditto, Lachlann. The hood is like a big mass of foreskin. Pain in the ass too, least for me; underwear or pants rub up and pull it back, exposing the head to fabric friction and it gets all hypersensitive in that frenum part right where it 'attaches'. Have to pull it back to wash/check under there, from what I understand more or less similar concerns for a cisguy.

[Arch]

"are you circumcized?"

Gah, I forgot about this one (how, I don't know). I think I would have to answer with a question like, "Why do you want to know?" I might have thoughtlessly told some of the guys that uncircumcised penises, uh, give me the willies, so they might be surprised to hear that I'm not circumcised. And then they might ask questions about what it's like.

[Flan]

I'm kind of stumped, though. I might never encounter this question again. But if I do, I'm not sure how to answer. I don't want to out myself, and I don't want to lie (for one thing, I'm not very good at it). If I say my prostate is fine, I'm lying because I have no prostate. If I say I don't have one, that invites questions about my supposed surgery and all of that. All I can think of is, "I don't have any prostate problems at the moment" or something similar.

pithy retort: I was traumatized when he stuck his finger up my ass and don't want to talk about it.

[Sarah Louise]

Last one I remember was during my Army physical.  I don't think I have ever had anyone ask me if I have had one.

My doctor did as me if I ever had a colonoscopy, then scheduled one for me.  The fasting for 24 hours was fun, but your asleep when they do it so you don't have to think about it.

Sarah L.

[sneakersjay]

If you still have your F parts you can use that exam for reference (internal exam).  If not (I don't) I plan to say I get checked regularly by my doctor (because I do; not my prostate obviously but I do go to the doctor regularly and am tested).

And yeah, the cut or uncut question.  I'm not cut and don't plan to be, so that answer for me is uncut.  Though all the guys I have been with have been cut.  FWIW I'm not out to my gay friends either.

As to why I'm not cut (most men born in the US in the 60s were), well there were issues when I was born and it didn't get done (yeah, the issue being I had a nice birth defect - being born F - but I'm not saying that!).


I hate that we have to bend the truth not to out ourselves, but there it is.  I try to answer as truthfully as I can within the context of my experiences.

Jay
Post Merge: June 04, 2010, 03:57:56 PM
Oh and about the uncut willie thing, and what is it like?  If you have any decent growth and pump (or not) you'll have a pretty good idea of what it's like!   

[notyouraverageguy]

The virgin question gets me &the how big r u...

I hate to lie, but I don't want to out myself as well... grr!

[Hermione01]

Most guys I know don't even know anything about their prostate or about getting it checked. It seems something only older guys (50+) seem to talk about.
Now whether a guy is circumsised or not does seem to be a common discussion amongst guys and girls.

[Devin87]

Now whether a guy is circumsised or not does seem to be a common discussion amongst guys and girls.

I can see it coming up with me as a convert to Judaism.

Person-- "So did they have to... you know... *makes scissor motion with fingers*"
Me-- "Well that'd be kinda hard...."

[Lachlann]

The virgin question gets me &the how big r u...

I hate to lie, but I don't want to out myself as well... grr!

Just tell them it's not any of their business. Especially the "how big are you" part.

[Jamie-o]

I haven't had any really personal questions asked of me yet, but I think if I did, my reaction would probably be to deflect the question with humor.  E.g:

Q:"How big are you?"
A:"How big would you like me to be?"  or "Oh, enormous.  Twelve inches at least." 

[Elijah3291]

I haven't had any really personal questions asked of me yet, but I think if I did, my reaction would probably be to deflect the question with humor.  E.g:

Q:"How big are you?"
A:"How big would you like me to be?" 

good answer.. causes its true lol.. (strap ons)

[Jamie-o]

My doctor did as me if I ever had a colonoscopy, then scheduled one for me.  The fasting for 24 hours was fun, but your asleep when they do it so you don't have to think about it.

Sarah L.

When I had one I was sedated, but still aware of the whole procedure.  It really wasn't that bad, though.  The worst part by far was the cleaning out the system the day before.  Ugh!

[Arch]

The men in my gay group are very comfortable with being frank and open. It's amazing how much of my past is easily read as a typical male's past, so I don't have to lie to these men. In fact, I never have...unless you count one slip-up in which I told an anecdote that had my mother calling me by my male name when I was a kid. But that was a natural mistake. I sometimes forget that I ever had another name. Every once in a while, I get a weird moment of forgetting that I was brought up as a girl.

But the prostate question was a surprise. I wonder what other surprises await me.

[notyouraverageguy]

good answer.. causes its true lol.. (strap ons)

Exactly!
Lol
But its kind of their business if its someone that likes u, I guess...

Id probably say as big as u want me to be, &circumsized (cause uncut kinda freak me out too).

[Autumn]

The penis can curve up, or down, side to side, hang to one side or the other, have a tapered crown, a full crown, be cut, be uncut, have circumcision scars, have REALLY BIG circumcision scars, have different thicknesses along the length, have different levels of veininess, bumps, ridges, and so on, as well as varying levels of sensitivity along the shaft.

Prior to HRT, for example, I have a VERY pronounced curve upwards, that shortened my length in a straight line, but hit the G spot perfectly every time. Since estrogen, I lost the curve entirely and lost a little girth and length. Sadly, it means I can't please a partner as well as I used to - which upsets me, even though the loss of 'male status' doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I have a really thick band of circumcision scarring. I've had people comment that they've never seen such a big scar. To be honest, every dick I've sucked IRL was uncut, so I have no idea what it looks like on average. Almost all of my sensation is at the tip, with almost none along the shaft (which makes me worry a lot about my inversion surgery... a lot.) My thickest point is about halfway down. I have one bump in a specific place (a vein) that typically sticks up during arousal, and certain thick veins you see on the sides, even if they aren't a texture.

Uhm, apologies for the graphic nature, but if you are around a rather large group of anything goes older gay men, you'll probably hear some really detailed stuff I'd imagine. I'm pretty sure that anyone who has a penis has measured it at some point to get an idea of where they stand, or simply from curiosity, so you should be able to quote a size if asked... if you want to reveal that. Somewhere 6-7 with a 2-3 inch diameter ought to suffice (but be specific, like, 6.25 and 2.) Measure it out and see how it compares to dicks you've had. Compare to a packer/sex toy. You could also measure the depth of your vagina and what a comfortable stretch width is and quote that.

My current girlfriend is amazed that "something so small can grow so big" - i'm a grower, not a shower for sure. Some penises grow a LOT when aroused, others are always kinda floppy all the time.

[Teknoir]

All I have is a funny story

Yesterday I went for my bi-weekly T shot. I just drop into a walk in medical center, and I usually end up with a different doctor each time.

This fortnights doctor decided to drill me on what my PSA levels were, when they were last tested, how long I'd been on Sustanon and gave me a pathology printout to have them tested .

He nearly crapped himself when he found out how long I'd been on it, and how long I'd have to stay on it (I thought he'd read my file, or clocked me already. He hadn't).

I assured him I was under the care of a specialist endocrinologist, and all my bloodwork was regularly tested - but he still wanted those pesky PSA levels! I couldn't talk my way out of it!

So, I took the paper and assured him I'd have it done if my endo hadn't had it done in the last batch of tests .

(Again - I go there for only the shot itself. They don't handle anything else. My cover letter is on my file, but he obviously didn't read it).

So the nurse came in, I got the shot, and I asked her what the test the doctor wanted to send me for was (just to double check - I was still in complete disbelief!).

She told me the same thing he did - prostate levels. He sends everyone on Sustanon for them because it can mess with the prostate. She wanted me to do it then - because their place was also a pathology lab.

I just cracked up laughing at that point. "There'll be no need - I'm not eligible for that test".

"Huh?"

"Errr... I don't have one "

"...*5 second lag*... OH!  If I'd have known that when you came in, I'd have grabbed you a doctor that didn't want to know about people's levels!".

"Believe me - it's all good... that just made my night "

I've been running under the assumption that medical staff, with their knowledge of the human body and access to my medical records would automatically clock me in an instant. Guess not!

I've had a few cis-male questions and comments to deal with, but nothing like that before .

In social situations, I just comment as if I were born cis-male. If I were in that situation, I'd just say "It's all good - no problems" (I sort-of did when asked about my prostate levels).

If they aren't medically treating you, then they don't need to know what unfortunate birth defect you've been lumped with.

I know that caught offguard feeling well . A little bit disbelief, little bit of jealousy and disappointment, a little bit of surprise, and a lot of awesome .