Can't escape your old self image?

[Arch]

I still get the rare occasion where someone will read me, though.

I wonder how many times these people incorrectly "read" cisgender women.

[Epigania]

Yeah .. I've grown comfortable enough with myself not to really care if people read me.  I live my life the way I want to. 

This sort of reminds me of a debate I had back in the old BBS days of online community when someone asked "What is normal." ... I think the conclusion of that debate was:  "Normal is whatever you think is right.   And everyone thinks differently."

[K8]

I've stopped trying to pass.  It just isn't going to happen.  Rather, if I am simply who I am, people accept me much faster.

Yeah .. I've grown comfortable enough with myself not to really care if people read me.  I live my life the way I want to. 

I just don't worry about it anymore.  I am who and what I am.  Everyone I meet is either kind or sees me as a woman.  (I live in a town where hundreds of people remember me from before.)  And I firmly believe it is not just physical appearance that tells others whether you are man or woman.

Like Arch (only opposite, of course), I don't always see a woman in the mirror but I no longer see a man.  I'm happy with that because it's more than I ever expected was possible.

- Kate

[Debra]

Very rarely nowadays but it still happens. Often it's after all my makeup's off getting ready for bed and looking in the mirror...I sometimes see a boy and I cry.

Somehow my bf still thinks I'm beautiful though! =)

[Coppélia]

I still have a beard left over from my years trying to overcompensate for my femininity. In that sense I hate how I look because it just isn't me. On the other hand, what I see in the mirror isn't my self image, it's what others see when they look at me. I can either take solace in the fact that it's not how I see myself so I shouldn't worry what others think, or I can cry over the fact that no one sees who I really am. If I were more mature I would pick the first one but truth be told I've done quite a bit of crying lately.

[James-Alen]

I'm very meek in stature with rounded shoulders, which makes it harder for me to pass. I always have this crazy internal struggle over which bathroom to use when I'm out lol because I'm scared to not be passing and get called out on it. I've realized something though; your attitude plays a huge role. I feel sometimes like I pass better when I have a lot of confidence, even if I don't look different than I otherwise would. I hate it when a sibling or something says the pronouns of your birth gender, killing all chance of it to begin with.

[K8]

I've realized something though; your attitude plays a huge role. I feel sometimes like I pass better when I have a lot of confidence, even if I don't look different than I otherwise would.

Confidence - or even just the appearance of confidence - makes a huge difference.

- Kate

[Debra]

Confidence - or even just the appearance of confidence - makes a huge difference.

- Kate

Completely agree!

[Epigania]

Oh yeah ... people know when someone feels out of place ...

And people are curious by nature, so they try to figure out why our out of place.  That's when they analyze everything about you.

Confidence makes an insane difference in passing.  And not panicing if someone reads you ...

[Janis]

You know?,, I have found that when I go out in chick mode that my senses are on a very high level of reading the immediate environment. That being said, I also have found that about 98 percent of the average public is at a very low level of reading the immediate environment. The few people left over can usually be summed up as people who are innocently curious or those of the very small percentage that could possibly represent any kind of danger. With those odds I just don't worry too much about passing, I just pass as I please.

[Autumn]

Get away from the people who poison you. New job, new friends, new family, that's the ticket I think.

Today, every time a coworker passed a customer off to me, they used he. Not a single coworker, but 2 or 3 of them. It was a short shift, and it was obnoxious as hell. ->-bleeped-<-, the last time our human resources manager referred to me, she used he. It's not malicious, I assume from most people, just thoughtless.

I tend to just stare at people stupified and then look down at my boobs and then look at the customer and then stare back at the employee, because I'm afraid if I point out how silly that was that they'll immediately go "Oops I'm so sorry just known you for so long" or something to make the situation worse.


The suggestion that accepting yourself internally as a woman is the first step towards escaping the old self image is so correct. I, unfortunately, have had my internal acceptance damaged since transitioning at work, because of how much I am reminded that I'm trans. I can't even call people out on 'man' or 'dude' because they get used unisexually sometimes, even though none of the guys here talk to women like that.

I feel like my identity has been downgraded from woman to ->-bleeped-<-, and I am actually stunned again when people use female pronouns, even though I can't pass as a guy when I try anymore. I feel like being in a relationship has likewise shifted my image... it started so beautifully where she saw me as nothing but a woman because that's all she knew me as, but as I have opened up to her to make her part of my life, *i* have had to discuss transsexuality so much that it makes me not feel good about myself. She still just sees me as a girl... I refuse to show her any more old pictures than what she saw on facebook.

At the same time, when I told her that I was trans at the end of our first date, she told me that she had much more respect for me as a person and thought that I was a much stronger person. It's such a huge part of our life, it holds us back so far... I looked at myself, and I feel like I am totally worthless if someone doesn't see the context of what I was battling the past several years of my life. I don't understand how to hide or minimize that in a relationship while being true to the person that you are...