Was ready to come out today and somthing has thrown me out again....... arggggg

[justme19]

So today I was already to come out to mum, I was going to do it after practise, before we left I laid out a book and put a letter on the bench to give her. I am going to come out face to face but I wanted to put a letter down to incase I freeze up.

So I go to practise today (was just there by myself, I have a seperate program to everyone else) The rest of the grp were over with the coach about 30m away, they all keept looking over at me. Then they all started to walk over, with my coach having a massive smile on her face.....
She says, "I have not told you about what ive been doing. In the last few months ive asked you to keep your startstics so I can mointer your progress. I have actully been sending them away to the "..... sorry can;t name were" in the USA and they want you to consider moving up there for a full paid socolarship" "Have a long hard think about it and talk with your family and let me know, I know you told me when you came here thats what you wanted to do."
Everyone started clapping and cheering.....

My heart droped..... I was so certain I was going to come out today, but now ive just been handed the greatest opertunity of my life, I now have to re think....

Everything in my life has always happend for a reason and it's always fallen into place, this has just thown everything out again....

When I got home I raced inside and grabed everything off the bench and put it away were nobody will find it.

So confused now, not sure what I should do. I don't think ill ever be happy if I don't live as a female. But now ive got such a great opertunity for my sport and it would be such a waste!

BTW if I go I was a be 24 hour plane trip to my mum and dad

[Hermione01]

OMG, timing is everything, isn't it always the way? 

Congratulations on winning a scholarship. It is a golden opportunity and would be hard for anyone to turn down I'm sure.
I cannot offer any advice but as I said, timing is everything. 

[Little Darkling]

I really don't know what to say. That honestly seems like it came straight out of a movie. D:

You know what you want in your heart, but you have an opportunity that could take you far...I really don't know what to say. But you won't be alone, no matter what road you take. People will stand by you.

I can't give advice, but I can wish you luck. I hope things work out.

[rejennyrated]

When you get to be as old as I am you will realise that life does this all the time to us.

Makes us make choices, and often NOT between something good and something bad - that would be too easy.

Often the choices are beween what we really do want and what we think we want, or indeed what we think others think we should want, or even worse what we need and what we want.

The trick is to work out which is which and then disregard the false choice, but it is never easy to do.

From what you have said elsewhere it seems that your choice may boil down to whether you want to be a woman or a male professional golfer. Yet it always seems to me that you have wrongly convinced yourself somehow that you can not be a female professional golfer and yet as all the evidence that I have seen seems to point to the fact that this is indeed possible for transwomen in golf I do wander why you are so determined to avoid admitting this third possibility. Isn't that a slight case of making assumptions about how people are going to react? You may think you know, but in my experience people are often very surprising.

Anyway I hope you choose wisely either way because if you get it wrong you will probably end up with a lifetime of regret over the missed opportunity.

Good luck in making your choice.

[justme19]

When you get to be as old as I am you will realise that life does this all the time to us.

Makes us make choices, and often NOT between something good and something bad - that would be too easy.

Often the choices are beween what we really do want and what we think we want, or indeed what we think others think we should want, or even worse what we need and what we want.

The trick is to work out which is which and then disregard the false choice, but it is never easy to do.

From what you have said elsewhere it seems that your choice may boil down to whether you want to be a woman or a male professional golfer. Yet it always seems to me that you have wrongly convinced yourself somehow that you can not be a female professional golfer and yet as all the evidence that I have seen seems to point to the fact that this is indeed possible for transwomen in golf I do wander why you are so determined to avoid admitting this third possibility. Isn't that a slight case of making assumptions about how people are going to react? You may think you know, but in my experience people are often very surprising.

Anyway I hope you choose wisely either way because if you get it wrong you will probably end up with a lifetime of regret over the missed opportunity.

Good luck in making your choice.

I love your post's so so  much! You really get my mind thinking.

I guess im kind of scard what people with think of me as a transwomen golfer, I guess im scaerd you could say....
I have done my research on this subject and it also seems that tanswomen golfers are not very liked on the LPGA due to people saying they have a urfair advantage, witch is a complete joke as HRT is ment to change your muscle mass.
Im just worried of what people think me.... that I won't be acepted...

thanks again, you always make me smile when I read your post's.

I honestly belive I do know what my heart says, but just don't want to be rejected or let my mum and dad down......

[rejennyrated]

I really don't think you should worry about letting your mum and dad down.

I'm sure they love you very much and just want you to be happy and, as my own mother said "the best you that you can be."

The thing is, believe me, rejection comes to everyone at some point, whether trans or not. It is a challenge to be overcome not something to run away from. The people who achieve greatness in this world from Einstien to Jesus have ALL had to face rejection and have ALL presssed on regardless to overcome other peoples prejudices.

You mustn't let your fear of rejection rule and constrict your life or you will spend far too many years doing things that should make you happy, but being misreable while doing them because you can't express what you are feeling inside. Oh and while you are feeling miserable you won't perform to your full capacity so you may not even achieve what you can anyway!

You CAN do this. Times change. No one likes something when it is new... but over time it comes to be accepted. By the time you are my age being trans simply won't be the big deal it is today. Heck when I was your age back in the 1970's and making my own transition, there was real hostility. It was the sort of thing that got you to being headline news in major newspapers, and not in a good way! These days if it makes the news at all the most you get is a sympathetic article in the lifestyle section. So things have already come a huge way!

Please don't let your fear win.

You can do this if you want to. It just takes a bit of courage, determination and self belief. The knowledge that it is YOUR life and you have the right to live it in the way that you choose.

[justme19]

I really don't think you should worry about letting your mum and dad down.

I'm sure they love you very much and just want you to be happy and, as my own mother said "the best you that you can be."

The thing is, believe me, rejection comes to everyone at some point, whether trans or not. It is a challenge to be overcome not something to run away from. The people who achieve greatness in this world from Einstien to Jesus have ALL had to face rejection and have ALL presssed on regardless to overcome other peoples prejudices.

You mustn't let your fear of rejection rule and constrict your life or you will spend far too many years doing things that should make you happy, but being misreable while doing them because you can't express what you are feeling inside. Oh and while you are feeling miserable you won't perform to your full capacity so you may not even achieve what you can anyway!

You CAN do this. Times change. No one likes something when it is new... but over time it comes to be accepted. By the time you are my age being trans simply won't be the big deal it is today. Heck when I was your age back in the 1970's and making my own transition it was the sort of thing that got you to being headline news in major newspapers, and not in a good way! These days if it makes the news at all the most you get is a sympathetic article in the lifestyle section. So things have already come a huge way!

Please don't let your fear win.

You can do this if you want to. It just takes a bit of courage, determination and self belief. The knowledge that it is YOUR life and you have the right to live it in the way that you choose.

Thank you sooo much!!!!
I really needed to hear that!  Not sure what else to say, but thanks again

[rejennyrated]

Thank you sooo much!!!!
I really needed to hear that!  Not sure what else to say, but thanks again

You are very welcome!

I sincerely look forward to reading of your future successes too.

[cynthialee]

Does the school where you are going have a pro LGBT policy? If so maybe you could wait to start transition a few months into the program, once you have made a good place for yourself.

[lilacwoman]

is there any way it can be done as part of transition?
Whichever you decide you will hate yourself later if you realise that you could have done the training and transitioned at same time..
go to a therapist and really think it through.
It might in fact be an excellent way to strat transitioning to go to the person in charge of the scholarships and confess that you have to transition and woudl like their help to achieve this.
T'aint easy though.
Getting parents behind you woudl help but that means you have to shock them with your wish to transition.
with 50 years of successful sexchanges in the media every individual has to face exactly the same problems at the start.
have you looked for transsexual sporst personalities?

Ignore Renee Richards who is actually a mangina who never fitted in as a woman.