Quote from: Papillon on June 18, 2010, 04:16:46 AMBy adulthood, they have had a lot of practice. We, however, have to run to catch up. ... We have to learn it by artificial means, by observing and copying.
Well, yes and no. It's not artificial to observe and copy; that's an important element in the way we all pick up gendered behavior. But, as you point out in the same post, cis boys also have the advantage of society's assumption that they are in fact boys, so they get all of that conditioning from family, friends, and society at large. Some conditioning comes in all-male groups.
Whether consciously or unconsciously, many (perhaps most?) trans guys pick up at least some male conditioned behavior in one way or another. Some of us do intentionally, it in spite of society's opposing cues. Some of us are brought up in families that are less dogmatic about gendered behavior, and that tends to make it easier for us to not behave in a stereotypically girly fashion. Unless we transition very early, many of us are tomboys well into adulthood and we hang onto some boy patterns. Some of us "run with the boys" and don't really play with girls. Doubtless there are other arcs that I haven't even thought of.
I know that I started picking up some male conditioning at a very early age because I was confused about whom to emulate. So I patterned myself mostly after my father and brother. When I started "playing female" as a teenager, I started to repress much of my boyish behavior, maybe because I was caught between the Scylla and Charybdis: I couldn't bring myself to completely alter myself for the sake of assimilation, but it wasn't safe to just be myself anymore. So I pulled into my body. This, in and of itself, is characteristically read as female behavior because women tend to take up less space and keep their arms closer to their bodies and all of that. It may have helped me to be more convincingly female. But I don't think the comfortable patterns completely went away. Some I kept. Some remained dormant and waited for me to call them back up when I needed them.
Years later, I recognized what I was and no longer consciously played female. Many of my comfortable mannerisms and behavior returned, but they didn't fit my obviously female body. So I was still stiff and hesitant in the way I carried myself. But what I did display was often at odds with my body and social role. Fortunately, I had some switches in my head. Compartments. Those didn't completely break down till I came all the way out of the closet and accepted that I had no choice but to transition. And then...well, that period was excruciating for various reasons. I was opening up my behavior and body language more and more, but I was usually still read as a girl on account of my chest and, when I spoke, my voice. I started binding; it helped a lot, but there was still the voice. And then my voice was low enough--and I started "passing"--but as a straight man.
There's a lot I don't know about the insider's view of male conditioning, but nearly all of my adult socializing has been with men. In some circles, I was just one of the guys in a lot of ways. And my fantasy socializing has been surprisingly similar to my real-life experiences in gay circles. I feel much more comfortable in male circles and always have. Maybe that's why I don't feel that I've had to "run to catch up."
I would love to be able to "camp it up" and take on some stereotypically feminine mannerisms so that I'm read as gay, but that isn't really in my repertoire and never has been. Because, sometimes consciously and sometimes not, I have been assimilating male conditioned patterns and suppressing female ones since early childhood. That doesn't mean I feel confident about my new male role, though. That will take time. I'm sure other trans guys don't have that problem.
Anyway, that's my own experience with gendered social conditioning. Sorry it went on so long, but I'm in an analytical frame of mind today.
