Where to begin?

[SkylitLove]

I had a topic a while back that might be similar to this, but oh well.

Okay. Here's the deal:
I just turned 18.
I'm a (well over) full-time college student living at home.
I can't drive yet, (long reason why) nor do I have a car.
I have a bit over 600 dollars.
I've told a total of three people about my situation, none of them being family.
All my closest friends have moved or I have moved from their town so I don't really have anyone with me in person anymore. My last 2 friends I saw in person often recently up and left town as well.

I'd really like to get started with the transition while I'm still young. I wanted to wait until I was legally an adult so I wouldn't have to go through my parents. I know I really need to tell them but it's really risky. I'm busy working on my education and I've never had a job so for now it's really best to stay at home until I transfer to a uni which will be another year and a half or so.
They're highly religious and just with the way they are, they might throw me out and if they do then I have nowhere to stay at all. All my friends are gone from around here like I mentioned, and all my family is 12 hours away.

I know some things need to be figured out on my own, but I was curious at what some other people thought.
I really don't want to have to wait any longer, but I don't want to tell my parents and be on the streets.
Do you think I should just go for it without telling them? I had considered finding a therapist and somehow getting a ride there without exactly saying what it is and paying for it with the small amount of cash I have. It's enough to at least me started I suppose.

[Arch]

I wasn't worried about transition at your age, but I was coming to the end of my tether because of my parents. I lived with them and was a full-time college student. I got a crappy job, went to part-time status, and started saving my pennies. When I felt that I had enough dough, I moved out and left no forwarding address. I dropped out of school for a few years while I got my act together, but I didn't have to. If you plan it right, you can stay in school if you go to a public college.

Will your folks give you a hard time if you cut back your course load? Does your uni cover counseling or any transition expenses? Do you plan to transfer to a different school or go to grad school?

If you move out, at some point you should be able to qualify as an independent student and apply for financial aid. Talk to a financial aid adviser.

[SkylitLove]

What's college to do with this? I was just saying I'd prefer to live at home my first two years.
I'm going to a local community college and then transferring to a university.
I already receive financial aid. I don't pay a dime for school and I don't ever have to pay anything back. I'm not worried about paying for school right now.

As to not being worried about transitioning at my age. I am because I'm a biological male and I'm definitely not going to be the way I am now in the next 10 years if I don't do anything. I'd like to start everything as early as possible, not to mention I really want to. It's been bothering me for as long as I can remember. I'm ready to start living my life and holding off any longer isn't going to help me do that.

[Arch]

What's college to do with this?

You might want to reread your original post. College has a great deal to do with this.

In your post, you said that you were worried about telling your parents because you would be taking a big risk and might be thrown out. If you are thrown out because you tell them or because they figure it out (and they might), then you need to worry about living on your own AND financing college. If you are on financial aid, it is likely predicated on your current living situation, yes? So if you are kicked out, your living situation changes and you need to rethink your financial aid situation so that you can stay in college.

In addition, if you are in school, the college might have free or subsidized counseling. Perhaps this is unlikely at a CC, but your first post didn't say what kind of school it was. If you can't get your therapy subsidized by college, your small amount of cash could be gone quickly, yes? So it would behoove you to explore your counseling options. And so on.

Ergo, my response. College is clearly a major player here.

I'm not worried about paying for school right now.

You might want to think about the future--and it might be the immediate future. Perhaps I should have clarified that I was talking not only about your current health care/counseling situation but also about alternatives and backup plans in case you start transition and either 1) tell your parents and they take it badly, or 2) don't tell them and they start to figure it out, or 3) decide it would be good to have a backup plan for your own peace of mind.

You can definitely go into therapy and even start transition without telling your folks. But, as you already seem to know, there are risks. If you think your parents are bigoted and you decide not to tell them, then cover your ass financially in case they find out.

As to not being worried about transitioning at my age. I am because I'm a biological male and I'm definitely not going to be the way I am now in the next 10 years if I don't do anything. I'd like to start everything as early as possible, not to mention I really want to. It's been bothering me for as long as I can remember. I'm ready to start living my life and holding off any longer isn't going to help me do that.

My remark about my not being worried about transition at my age was clearly referring to my own experience, not yours, and was both a statement of fact and a sympathetic remark implying that I had less to worry about at that age than you do. I wasn't questioning your motives or asking you to explain. I'm well aware that people don't want to continue physically developing in the wrong direction if they can prevent it.

Good luck.

[Katelyn-W]

Do you think I should just go for it without telling them? I had considered finding a therapist and somehow getting a ride there without exactly saying what it is and paying for it with the small amount of cash I have. It's enough to at least me started I suppose.

That is pretty much exactly what I did. At the time I was already in therapy for depression, and I started making appointments with a psychologist (that dealt with trans-people), and an endocrinologist. My parents believed that it was for depression (in a ways it was), they even drove me to the appointments. I felt bad about lying to them, but I was also afraid of getting kicked out, and I had no where to go either. I did come out to them before I started HRT, I think they would of noticed something by now if I hadn't said anything, so that's something to keep in mind.

Just to second what Arch said, I would see if your college has counseling/therapy. I would bet it does and it's probably free or very cheap.

[SkylitLove]

@Arch
The reason I mentioned college was to point out that it occupys most of my time since I'm going several credit hours over full time, making it not the easiest to get a full-time job right now unless I'd like to work all night and get exactly 0 hours of sleep.
I'll be getting some more money together soon and probably cutting down my course-load to get a job.
As for counseling at the college, I've looked into that and there isn't really anything at my school. It's hard enough to find anything in the area.
The only thing my college really offers is career counseling and sexual assault through some "Rape Crisis Center" so I'll have to be going elsewhere.

I am sort of working on some sort of alternative plan just in case worse comes to worse.
Hopefully, that all works out and if I do start transitioning then I would tell my parents soon enough. Just not right away.

But alrighty. Thanks much. (:

@Katelyn
I've considered doing the same thing. My parents know I have depression problems and have talked to me about seeing a therapist so I might do what you did.
Thanks for the response.

[Arch]

Yeah, CCs don't tend to have many resources. If there is an LGBT center in your town/city, you might look into counseling there. Or find a therapist who does a sliding scale. Or sometimes you can find special programs for low-income people. I don't know if you would qualify; a program like that would likely take into account your parents' income, not just your financial aid.

Look, I worry about young folks. So if I go on and on about covering your butt and getting a job and having a contingency plan, it's because I've seen a few very unpleasant scenarios. If your parents are as scary as they sound, I'm concerned for you. I don't want you to have to drop out of school unexpectedly or have to scramble to find a place to live. Being trans and eighteen is hard enough without losing parental support--both emotional and financial.

Sending vibes your way...

[SkylitLove]

I've looked and looked.
Just with how my location is, there isn't any sort of LGBT place or any gender specialists around here. I've messaged a few therapists in the past and only one wrote back saying she would work with transgender and transsexual issues and had experience with them. I asked if she worked with a sliding scale but does not and told me to check with my insurance instead.

So far, I've had no other luck with finding anyone else so I was thinking about setting something up with her eventually.

[Arch]

A couple of people on Susan's have done online therapy. If you search the site, I'm sure you can find a thread or two with some info. I don't know how much that therapist charges, but you might look into it.

[SkylitLove]

Thanks. I'll look into that as well.

[Josie06]

I wish I would have transitioned hen I was young. But events, societal dictates of the times and my Mother's fears for me ... well it didn't happen.

Now it gets harder even though I want it badly. Family, responsibilities and financial demands conspire against me at this time.

But life always has a way of changing ... my turn will come.