the kids..thing

[confused]

ok , so i've been thinking for days now , and this is a very difficult choice for me
i have been on anti-androgens for a while and at a certain point it hit me so hard .. in some time(if not already) i will not be able to have kids of my own

you see i LOVE kids , i have this maternal instinct in me , so i've always been taking care of other peoples kids because i actually love it , love how they so funny and innocent and questioning and playful even the smell of babies is.. wel you know the usual yadda yadda

probably clearly adoption is the answer right? ..wrong , although i actually have two adopted sisters and me adopting a baby is cool but..to get the full picture ;
simply said ( where i live at least ) not being able to conceive the 'usual way' and with marriage and all will only lead me to being a single parent , which is something i don't want because i've seen how it consumed my own mom

but this will change by re-locating but it's not soon and not sure so...

on the other hand , i'm not feeling too well/stable and i've been off for like 2 days! plus i've never experienced that settlement/sanity and somewhat comfort that AA's gave me before and i don't wanna let that go

so basically this is my dilemma
importance of kids to me-> 9.5/10
importance of AA's to me->9/10
probability of being a single parent if i could *only* adopt -> 10/10
any thoughts?
Post Merge: June 30, 2010, 02:49:11 AM
forgot to metion that i've actually decided to postpone transition until it's actually possible (which is i don't know when) but i kept on a low dose of AA's just to stop the evil work of T

[kyril]

I'm not quite sure what you base that "probability of being a single parent" on. Do you live in an extremely small, isolated rural community, with social ties or obligations so strong that you couldn't leave even if you met someone and fell in love? Or something similar? And you're reasonably certain this situation is going to continue until you're too old to parent a child? And you're reasonably certain that there are no suitable adoption-positive partners in your community and no suitable divorced or single parents of the appropriate gender?

[rejennyrated]

In the UK, and indeed much of Europe, adoption by a trans parent has not been a problem for some while... I am not sure about elsewhere but I feel sure that it will not be to long before they follow the trend.

Having longterm fostered I can tell you that whilst it isn't quite the same as having a child who is biologically your own, it is a rewarding thing to do. I'm sure the technology to allow us to be fertile will come along one day, but whether it is in our lifetimes is dubious, and of course initially it will be ultra expensive. So waiting for that isn't really an option.

Finally of course you don't know if you are actually fertile. Quite a surprisingy high percentage of people aren't which is why there are so many childess couples out there.

But if you need to have a child that is biologically yours your only option would be to save some sperm and find a surrogate mother... personally I could never have done it as I violently objected to anything like fathering a child as it would have confirmed my own physical masculinity something which I rejected utterly.

[confused]

I'm not quite sure what you base that "probability of being a single parent" on. Do you live in an extremely small, isolated rural community, with social ties or obligations so strong that you couldn't leave even if you met someone and fell in love? Or something similar? And you're reasonably certain this situation is going to continue until you're too old to parent a child? And you're reasonably certain that there are no suitable adoption-positive partners in your community and no suitable divorced or single parents of the appropriate gender?

i'm pretty sure that (and this happens in most cases where i live) if i couldn't have kids it would mostly lead to divorce , maybe if we were deeply in love or something things would change but the family of the partner would apply alot of pressure for her to leave me and overall it doesn't usually end up in a good way
and living openly as homosexual is not even an option , so the only chance to consider the other parent is one of the opposite legal sex
i plan to leave anyway ,to  where i'll have better chances of everything , but it's just not possible for like 5 or 6 more years at least due to legal issues

but..
suitable divorced or single parents of the appropriate gender?
is actually a good idea , odd it didn't cross my mind , thanks
Post Merge: June 30, 2010, 03:16:36 AM

In the UK, and indeed much of Europe, adoption by a trans parent has not been a problem for some while... I am not sure about elsewhere but I feel sure that it will not be to long before they follow the trend.

Having longterm fostered I can tell you that whilst it isn't quite the same as having a child who is biologically your own, it is a rewarding thing to do. I'm sure the technology to allow us to be fertile will come along one day, but whether it is in our lifetimes is dubious, and of course initially it will be ultra expensive. So waiting for that isn't really an option.

Finally of course you don't know if you are actually fertile. Quite a surprisingy high percentage of people aren't which is why there are so many childess couples out there.

But if you need to have a child that is biologically yours your only option would be to save some sperm and find a surrogate mother... personally I could never have done it as I violently objected to anything like fathering a child as it would have confirmed my own physical masculinity something which I rejected utterly.

well my current location is the middle east , in a country whereas being a trans is a legal crime , so that's why i added that line in the original post
and the issue is not with the baby being of my own really , yeah i want him/her to have my genes but not necessarily
it's just the fear of being alone because of it that mixing things up in my mind

[Bam]

Have you thought about banking your sperm for future use?

[Eva Marie]

Having longterm fostered I can tell you that whilst it isn't quite the same as having a child who is biologically your own

I have two adopted kids, and i don't understand what you mean - what's the difference  It feels the same to me.

To the OP - adoption can be a wonderful thing.

[rejennyrated]

I have two adopted kids, and i don't understand what you mean - what's the difference  It feels the same to me.

Sure but there is the whole emotional giving birth experience thing... and the fact that if you come from an old established lineage (a dynasty of some sort) they do tend to like to think that the family genetic line is being continued. That was what upset my mother when I underwent surgery, the idea of loss of genetic continuity...

but yes as regards the joy of bringing up the child itself it is of course exactly the same.

[Nigella]

Hi Jenny,

I've thought about fostering or adopting when things are settled down after my surgery.

Stardust

[Janet_Girl]

I am adopted by two wonderful parents.  And even though my Mom did not have me herself, she raised me as if she had.  To me, she was Mom.  But she is gone now along with Dad, so I guess I am now an orphan.

I had four children of my own, and was forced out of their lives.  I am trying to reconnect with them, but so far only my daughter and middle son have tried to reconnect with me.

[confused]

janet , they are really missing out being with a wonderful mother , and i honestly hope everything is fixed(although i think the only ones who deserve you is the ones who try to connect with you)

i have two adobted sisters , one brother and two other bilogical sisters

and i'm ..really.. A LOT closer to my brother and little sister than my biological siblings (who i usually don't have more than a "formal" conversation with)

so i'm all for adoption , and i was planning to do it either ways
my whole point was that due to social complications where i am it's more likely that if i can't conceive a baby i would have no long term partners to help me raising my kids

now that i had sometime to think about it , it's not impossible to find a long term partner , and as kyril suggested some people due to different reason have no desire in having (or already have) kids ,in that case , adoption would not be a problem with them . which sorta makes it easier to go back on AA's
and i realized now that my hesitation was because i didn't wan't to take any chances , like i wanted to be absolutely sure that i will be a parent , and not a single one , which is something no one can be sure about anyways , no matter what

thanks all for your inputs

[Asfsd4214]

personally I could never have done it as I violently objected to anything like fathering a child as it would have confirmed my own physical masculinity something which I rejected utterly.

That was the deal breaker for me too. I refuse to be anyone's 'father'. Plus I'm straight and wouldn't have a female partner anyway, together I decided that I was never going to have children that were biologically mine. Which sucks, but that's life.

[sarahm]

That was the deal breaker for me too. I refuse to be anyone's 'father'. Plus I'm straight and wouldn't have a female partner anyway, together I decided that I was never going to have children that were biologically mine. Which sucks, but that's life.

I completely agree.
When my psychiatrist >strongly< suggested that I have sperm "preserved" I almost threw up at the thought of it. I told him, That is never going to happen. I am female, I don't want to ever be listed as a father of anyone!