Feeling worthy of being loved?

[AubreyRenee]

Has anybody here ever struggled with feeling worthy of being loved?  I was thinking about trying to get back into the dating scene when I realized how afraid I was of actually putting myself out there.  I'm pre-op, see, and I worry that in some ways that makes me not "female" enough to receive love and affection from men.  Additionally, I feel like I can't really give all of myself in a relationship in this current configuration, because 1) I have trouble loving my own body, and 2) I have the creeping feeling that any guy trying to date me would feel like they had to settle for something "broken" or less female than the rest of the pool.

On top of that, I don't even know the first thing about dating; I fell into three different relationships with women as a guy, and never, ever went on an actual "date."  The relationships just sort of happened.

Thoughts and tips would be greatly appreciated.  I have a good bit of self-esteem in all other avenues of my life - i have a good job, lots of friends, I pass pretty flawlessly, etc., but this dating issue has really thrown me for a loop.

[Anthrogal]

I think feeling worthy of being loved has a lot to do with self love. If you don't feel that you love yourself, it will be very hard for you to accept love and give love. That's a big problem with gender dysphoria, even when you're in exactly the body you feel you belong in, be it male or female, there is always and inkling of feeling out of place. That's something I would work with a therapist on.

As far as dating, I would be very careful, especially being pre-op. I would go to online services designed for transexuals and those looking to date transexuals. There is sadly a great threat of violence towards trans folk by men who feel they were "tricked" into being attracted to them. Being a dyke, I fortunately don't have much of a problem with that. I can only imagine what it must be like for straight trans women.

[sarahm]

I have to admit, I have gone through stages of determining whether or not I deserve to be loved. What a silly thing to say right? We all deserve to be loved.
How I thought was, that I am a broken person, and any guy who was to stay with me, and marry me, will never have children with me. As crazy as that sounds, it was a very negative thought, and I believe that I have the right to be loved just like any other girl out there, even if I am pre-op, or when I am post-op. Just because I was born with the wrong chromosomes doesn't mean I don't deserve to be loved just like anyone else. And that is the same for you, and every other transgender person. We are people too, and people deserve to be loved. I'm only 21, I have my entire heart to give to someone whom I hold dear, I'm not going to be selfish and hold onto it myself, and deny myself love, or anyone else a chance to love me back.

We are only human, and humans need 4 things in life. Air, Water, Food and Love. Without any one of these 4 requirements, a human cannot function.

[aubrey]

Yeah.

1) Who does feel 100% comfortable with their body?

2)I've thought about that a million times and all I can come up with is I hope the guy I spend the rest of my life with (if that ever happens) already has kids from a previous relationship...which Isn't too too hard to find I guess. That way he's o.k. I was with this one guy for a little while and when things got serious he told me he wished he could have kids with me and that is a super soft spot...I cried for a long time after that.

As far as dating goes...If it's working out with the guy it will come naturally. Being ready for it emotionally etc...helps though.

[Nero]

I have to admit, I have gone through stages of determining whether or not I deserve to be loved. What a silly thing to say right? We all deserve to be loved.
How I thought was, that I am a broken person, and any guy who was to stay with me, and marry me, will never have children with me. As crazy as that sounds, it was a very negative thought, and I believe that I have the right to be loved just like any other girl out there, even if I am pre-op, or when I am post-op. Just because I was born with the wrong chromosomes doesn't mean I don't deserve to be loved just like anyone else. And that is the same for you, and every other transgender person. We are people too, and people deserve to be loved. I'm only 21, I have my entire heart to give to someone whom I hold dear, I'm not going to be selfish and hold onto it myself, and deny myself love, or anyone else a chance to love me back.

We are only human, and humans need 4 things in life. Air, Water, Food and Love. Without any one of these 4 requirements, a human cannot function.

Good point. I think it's helpful sometimes to step back and look at it from an outsider's point of view. You can't bear your own children, and some cisgirls are in the same boat. Would you ever think to yourself -"she's barren, she doesn't deserve to be loved"? Of course not, even if she thinks that herself. Or someone with a disability? Or someone not conventionally attractive? There's few perfect specimens out there. If you wouldn't look at a stranger and speculate as to their worthiness of love, don't do it to yourself!

[Janet_Girl]

I have been on a couple of different sites for dating and I can sympathize with my sisters all of the world.  Some men are real dogs.  They are after only one thing and yes even from us pre-ops. 

I guess it comes down to the fact that we are now the object of all those girl jokes men tell.  And we might as well realize it. *sigh*

At my age, I am just looking for that person that I can be happy with and spend the rest of my life with.  But being pre-op, I am afraid to totally give myself to someone.  And yes it comes from not being happy with my body, or at least one part of it. 

Will I find that person?  Personally I doubt it, but on the off chance I am wrong, a girl can dream can't she.

[V M]

Everyone who has love within them is worthy of love... Finding that special someone that it all clicks with is another story

[tekla]

If you don't love yourself, you'll attract stalkers, psychos and predators like you were Chris Hanson.  What do you think those people are looking for and picking out?