Would you date a theist?

[DriftingCrow]

there are so many more out there that he would not have to make adjustments for.

Maybe there's a lot of people out there he wouldn't have to make religious adjustments for, but I highly doubt there's many people out there that would require 100% no adjustments for during the course of a long-term relationship. Even with the most perfect, compatible couples, there's probably at least a few little things that would require compromises.

[Jess42]

Maybe there's a lot of people out there he wouldn't have to make religious adjustments for, but I highly doubt there's many people out there that would require 100% no adjustments for during the course of a long-term relationship. Even with the most perfect, compatible couples, there's probably at least a few little things that would require compromises.

No doubt. In a relationship it's pretty much a given in the art of give and take. But when it comes to political affiliation or spritual beliefs a lot of people draw a line. But yeah most definately compromises gotta be made or the relationship is doomed from the get go. I guess when it comes to politics and spiritual beliefs it's just how strong the people involved believe in those subjects and I know people that are so embedded in both that they are borderline zeolots.

[Hikari]

Really I hadn't had much trouble with being with people outside of my political or religious affiliation. I don't see why people think it is such an issue, can they not agree to disagree?

I could see problems I guess when it comes to children which I do not have and I am certainly infertile now, in that I could deal with them being raised to believe in god but many religious practices are just a nonstarter win me like the hijab, female circumsion, arranged marriage, etc.

But when it comes to me I don't usually see where it would be a problem. Like we had a Wiccan marriage ceremony because it sounded much more exciting than going to the courthouse, we got to reserve a whole section of the park too. Also with other people I have been with I would just let them go to church without me, sleeping in is what Sundays were made for :p

And any theist who wouldn't date me is just crazy I am a catch

[AnomalyEternal]

Actually, I would probably find it quite interesting .-.

I mean, if they're not trying to convince me to be religious and believe in their God/s then that's fine. I do not see why religion should dictate whether I would date a person or not. But again, if they try to force their religion on me then no thanks

[dalebert]

I mean, if they're not trying to convince me to be religious and believe in their God/s then that's fine. I do not see why religion should dictate whether I would date a person or not. But again, if they try to force their religion on me then no thanks

Believing in a god doesn't mean one believes in Heaven and/or Hell. However, if they do, I have a hard time understanding how they could be anything other than absolutely obsessive about Heaven and absolutely obnoxiously evangelical about getting all the people they care about (hopefully everyone in the world) to Heaven as well. If there's an eternal afterlife, then this extremely short life can be nothing but a meaningless drop in the ocean of infinity, serving no purpose except to spend ensuring one gets into Heaven and avoids Hell. If they say they believe in those things and yet they aren't up on a platform on the street corner with a plackard--"the END is NEAR!" and a megaphone, then I can't help but be doubtful of their sincerity about those beliefs.

If we (atheists) are right and this life is the only life, then atheism is the truest form of worship of life. We're telling people this life is precious because if there's an eternal afterlife, then it's not precious at all. It's trivial and relatively worthless. There's a lot at stake in this debate.

Now, that's not the same as someone saying they believe in something like reincarnation. Reincarnation doesn't necessarily make this life meaningless in the same way that Heaven and Hell do.

[Jess42]

Believing in a god doesn't mean one believes in Heaven and/or Hell. However, if they do, I have a hard time understanding how they could be anything other than absolutely obsessive about Heaven and absolutely obnoxiously evangelical about getting all the people they care about (hopefully everyone in the world) to Heaven as well. If there's an eternal afterlife, then this extremely short life can be nothing but a meaningless drop in the ocean of infinity, serving no purpose except to spend ensuring one gets into Heaven and avoids Hell. If they say they believe in those things and yet they aren't up on a platform on the street corner with a plackard--"the END is NEAR!" and a megaphone, then I can't help but be doubtful of their sincerity about those beliefs.

If we (atheists) are right and this life is the only life, then atheism is the truest form of worship of life. We're telling people this life is precious because if there's an eternal afterlife, then it's not precious at all. It's trivial and relatively worthless. There's a lot at stake in this debate.

Now, that's not the same as someone saying they believe in something like reincarnation. Reincarnation doesn't necessarily make this life meaningless in the same way that Heaven and Hell do.

Not nesicarily dalebert. Some of us don't believe in the Heaven and Hell that is commonly accepted. And life is a precious thing and to be taken advantage of and used as a learning process. Of course I am one of the latter that you metioned and do believe in reincanation. But to be completely honest I really can't claim what really happens after the body dies and the 6 minutes or so it takes for the brain to go completely dead from lack of Oxygen. But what is reality and what is fantasy, I think it would do everyone good just to be the best person they can be regardless of what happens in an afterlife, the life between incarnations or just non existence. When I take that last breath I hope I feel like I was the best me that I could be, have no or little regrets and no guilt. But that 6 minutes or so could be our eternity.

[Hikari]

@Dalebert:
It hasn't been my experience that theists were at all concerned about heaven and hell in everyday life. One girl who I dated who is Christian enough to spam her facebook with likes to things about god and likes people like Bristol Palin (Who is basically scum in my view); she never really pressured me at all about being an atheist or tried to convince me I was going to hell, etc. She took her faith very seriously, but she also took the idea that God can be the only judge and to judge the sins of others is inherently anti-christian.

It doesn't mean her convictions of faith were lacking, and perhaps there was some concern that was left unvoiced, but it was never an apparent problem. Morally we were pretty close in the parts that mattered (I.E. monogamay, definitions of cheating, lying, etc). I still look back on that relationship fondly.

The woman I married was also certainly theist in her wiccan beliefs, she believed something to the effect that we have reincarnation to new (human) lives and that there was sort of a universal system of karma that meant that bad things committed in a past life come back times 3 even if the payment to this karma comes in a future life (which is neat because it accounts for bad people who appear to never be punished).

My point is, not every theist cares to evangelize but I wouldn't doubt their convictions just because they are willing to take up with an atheist and not hassle them about the afterlife that the atheist doesn't even believe in.

[dalebert]

You two have given examples of people for whom Heaven and Hell don't seem to be a part of their universe-view. I already excluded those people. Reincarnation is decidedly less drastic of a view. I was only talking about those who DO believe in eternal Heaven or Hell. My point is it doesn't seem logically consistent to me for THOSE people to not be obsessive and evangelical. How can someone believe those things and then not devote every moment of their waking life, this very minutely short life, to--

#1 Getting into Heaven and avoiding Hell themselves and
#2 Evangelizing to others in whatever manner is necessary to help them with #1.

If they profess to believe in Heaven and Hell and yet aren't obsessive and evangelical, then their behavior makes no sense to me.

[Jess42]

Oh dalebert I do believe in somewhat of a heaven, but not streets paved with gold. I believe it is just another existence in which we have learned all of our lessons enough to not have to incarnate over and over. I don't believe we will even go there after we learn all the human lessons because I think then there are more to learn. I tend to see life as a school of sorts and when we graduate from human to whatever then different lessons. And in my opinion if life is a school, then the human race is probably just in kindergarten.

[Felix]

I dated a practicing catholic once. It was interesting.

I'm okay with dating theists. Religion is healthy and useful for a lot of people, and I'm not willing to write off the majority of the society I live in.

[Hikari]

If they profess to believe in Heaven and Hell and yet aren't obsessive and evangelical, then their behavior makes no sense to me.

The first girl in my example very much does believe in hell, but she also believe that only god is allowed to judge sins. Therefore it wouldn't be the Christian thing to do, to try and judge someone as wicked in order to tell them to change thier ways. It all makes sense how she could be very devout and not harp on me about it while we were together.

There are quite a few people out there who believe that only god is allowed to judge and therefore they have no place trying to judge you are going to hell/heaven.

And I am glad that there are people who think like that too, seeing as I am exclusively attracted to women and I am not hiding the fact I am trans I already have a dating pool that is south of 1% of the population if I had to exclude people who believe in hell, seeing as the vast majority of Americans do, I would be looking at a local dating pool of probably 5 people in the whole metro DC area.

[dalebert]

There are quite a few people out there who believe that only god is allowed to judge and therefore they have no place trying to judge you are going to hell/heaven.

Sure, but they believe they know the criteria by which he uses to judge. If not, then they believe it's essentially a crap-shoot as to where a person's soul spends all eternity and that's particularly disturbing. That'd be like me not telling you you're about to walk into a room filled with hungry lions because I don't want to be "preachy" (only much worse).

I'm just further expounding on my terms. I can date a theist. I could not, on the other hand, date someone who believes in Hell. If they believe in Heaven and that there are essentially unlimited opportunities to eventually get there over multiple lifetimes (basically a version of reincarnation), that I could tolerate in a potential mate. The belief in an eternal Hell is an automatic dis-qualifier (and possibly Heaven, depending on their version). Again, that's because they either must see this mortal life as meaningless or else they have extremely irrational and incongruous beliefs. Either of those are mindsets that I could not accept in a person I was spending a LOT of time with.

[Jess42]

You two have given examples of people for whom Heaven and Hell don't seem to be a part of their universe-view. I already excluded those people. Reincarnation is decidedly less drastic of a view. I was only talking about those who DO believe in eternal Heaven or Hell. My point is it doesn't seem logically consistent to me for THOSE people to not be obsessive and evangelical. How can someone believe those things and then not devote every moment of their waking life, this very minutely short life, to--

#1 Getting into Heaven and avoiding Hell themselves and
#2 Evangelizing to others in whatever manner is necessary to help them with #1.

If they profess to believe in Heaven and Hell and yet aren't obsessive and evangelical, then their behavior makes no sense to me.

Well for one dalebert most people don't practice what they preach. Temptaion is their biggest downfall and there have been plenty of the TV type evangelist that have had that fall from grace. Funny thing is people will pick them up wipe the crocodile tears from their eyes and wipe the dust off of 'em and reach into thier pockets and make these folks even richer. That is what makes no sense to me. People are people and will do unscrupulous things and yeah I can forgive but I never forget.

[dalebert]

[Jess42]

Priceless. And unfortunately sad because it pretty much sums up what some people believe.

I don't believe in Hell because if there really is a literal Hell I have already been there and still go there every now and then and don't have to die to do it.

[snow]

I am a agnostic...don't want to date a theist since they always want to proselytizing.
Is it okay a agnostic post on here?

[Blue Senpai]

Most likely not.

[alabamagirl]

I don't think I would, no. Nothing against them, but it just seems like it would cause conflicts. I don't think my spiritual/religious views (or lack thereof) have to completely align with someone else's, so I think I'd be okay with an agnostic, a deist, or anyone along those lines, but I just don't feel my atheism and someone else's theism would mix too well. Especially if they were particularly devout.

On the other hand, it's still sort of a case by case basis, even with other atheists. My ex was much more of an anti-theist than I am, and that didn't mesh too well, either.

[Annabella]

The best way I have heard it put is, it is all about values. If your values match it should be fine.

I could easily date a woman who had a belief in a deistic being who started off the universe and is watching to see what we do with it, but cares about social justice, art, and an interest in multiplayer co-op (non MMO) RPGs couldn't hurt .

As it is my current SO believes she has intuition powers, which is hard enough to deal with . I don't think I could relate to someone who shared my parent's fundamentalist religious views. I doubt I could keep my mouth shut.

[dalebert]

The best way I have heard it put is, it is all about values. If your values match it should be fine.

THIS.

And that brings it back to specifics. What exactly do they believe? That's why I mentioned as an example, that belief in Heaven and/or Hell, particularly Hell, would be a deal-killer for me. But just believing in some sort of deity alone would not necessarily be a deal-killer. Unfortunately, a LOT of theists in the U.S. would be disqualified for me. And frankly, if they just seem really irrational, that would just not be an attractive trait. For instance, if they were really into ghosts, psychic phenomena, magic, and I don't mean the fantasy versions. I mean if they really believe in all that stuph and were really into it, then I would have a hard time being attracted to that person because that seems quite irrational to me and that's just not sexy at all. I have to be attracted to a person's body and mind.