Relationships and dating

[tori319]

What have been your experiences with dating and relationships? What have been the reactions that you have gotten from people once you've told them and how often do you meet people who accept in a romantic way.

[rejennyrated]

My experiences have been all positive.

I've never had a rejection, and I have always confided in lovers before we have gotten serious, but then I was always fairly careful to choose people who seemed open minded. I also only really started dating once postop.

On the fifth go (or maybe it was the sixth, my memory may be playing tricks) I landed the girl who is now still my partner 22 years on.

EDIT - oh yes in case anyone doesn't know me I should have said - I'm Bi so I've dated both men and women.

[Muffin]

I've been on HRT for twelve months now and during that time I've had three 'encounters'.... I guess.
The first one was quite keen to meet me asap and he somehow managed to make it happen. So I met him and we hung out and I told him about me and he was surprisingly cool and actually intrigued by it all! Then the second time I met him he invited me to his place and he opened the door wearing a dress, make-up and well everything! I was so much in shock that it took a few minutes to realise that this was possibly why he was the way he was when I told him about me.
I never met up with him again as I'm not looking to be with a crossdresser or any guy that is "interested" in TG things the way he was.
So a few months pass and I met another guy while out at a pub. He approached me and we chatted all night, I felt it was important to tell him about me even if we were at 'THE' main LBGT pub in the city. The music was loud but I'm sure he got the idea and seemed unphased by me.
SO we hung out and had a few more drinks, he got my number and said we should catch up for coffee, I explained to him a few times that I'm only looking for friends at this point in my life, but when the pub closed and we said goodbye outside he kissed me, and then the rest of the night and next day I felt that he was looking for something more than friendship so I screened his calls.

Guy number three, he found me on a dating website where I had stated in my profile that I'm only looking for friends, after the initial contact we chatted online for awhile before I shared my 'personal' details. Straight away he was very much the same, very excepting and open to my differences and stressed that he is attracted to personality and that it doesn't change anything. I was very wowed and impressed, so he tells me he is going to bed and logs off.... not much later he comes back online and tells me he has a secret he'd like to share as well. He tells me that he is bi curious and has fantasised about TSs.
Instantly I'm thinking "nooooooooooooo why me!!!", but I tell him that it's cool and that it makes us even as far as big secrets go!
He then said that he was feeling "excited" and keep telling me I'm gorgeous etc. Then I realised he'd just jerked off and was about to have a shower.
MAJOR eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
I blocked him instantly with many a sigh.

SO..... to summarise, I've decided that I'm no longer going to talk to any guys anymore while I'm still pre-op. I just feel that I can't have a normal enough connection with a guy with my body the way it is and that to find a guy that is "really" ok with it in a non curious way is going to be tough. I don't know I could be wrong but out of my first three experience two of them were icky and one was just well a guy that didn't respect my wishes to just be friends.
I'm happy to wait!

[Cruelladeville]

Very early on.... pre SRS

I had a few experiments.....where it was a case of keeping knickers carefully on.....but instinctively I felt it wise to be coy about my status... as I felt too at the time when swimming at the local lido... ou using female changing rooms/toilets... where I was fortunate to pass as a typical female....

And my internal feeling was that if 'people' were fascinated by the 'difference'.... then what was going to be the real gains of the relationship for you?

(So you could be a piece of nod-nod, wink-wink geeky-freaky eye-candy......eeeewww)

But even these early-on experiments brought me the relief of knowing my sexuality wasn't rigidly fixed....(in my pre-transition life I'd only had relationships/partnerships homes with women)

And then more due to recovery life-change circumstance when immediately pre/post SRS I had little chance of energy, time or inclination for sexual encounters...which saw 18 months or so quickly pass by.... you could say I got a clean break from my past sexuality... and then when I did kick back into a more normal libido phase....it was only men that I was then interested in!

Maybe long-term sex hormones do affect brain chemistry more than we imagine?....I started to notice male crotches and arses....lol

(Though I did dabble a few years back with the fantasy of trying lesbianism) at a b/f's suggestion....but for me personally, when push came to shove...*s->-bleeped-<-s* in reality it was a case of no I could never go back there...

(On the subject of fessing up)

I only had one male b/f for some years I might add whom I confessed my past to....and on reflection I'm not sure this was a balance of power that was good for me... his focus was always sexual....

My current hunk squeeze is blissfully unaware..... and that really does suit me best..... and I've been dating him since 2006.... and as he has four teenage kids it gives me an opportunity to try out being a step-mummy....

Stealth is not the right word here....more a case of what the head doesn't know about the heart doesn't grieve for....

(And our partnership is lived and experienced very much in the present)

That's more than good enough for me....lol

[quincymaureen]

I'm not sure. I have a girlfriend but she has no idea how I feel. I'm too scared how she will react, but shes been there for me in all of my hard times and I think she would understand... I dont know whats holding me back...
quincy

[girl_ashley]

I've told my partner everything from before HRT.  She helped me find a therapist and has supported me at every step of the way, she even is doing my shots for me until I am able to do them on myself.  We are still together and she is fully supportive.

[cynthialee]

My wife married me knowing full well I was trans (and I hir) and that someday I would likely transition. (Although I denied it at the time.) I just surprised Sevan by transitioning about 10 years earlier than ze thought I would. And ze surprised me by transitioning at all. LOL

[Izumi]

What have been your experiences with dating and relationships? What have been the reactions that you have gotten from people once you've told them and how often do you meet people who accept in a romantic way.

Well, my first experience with a guy wanting romantic involvement with me when i was in a movie theater with my X-wife, a guy came over to flirt with her and i thought, woot its been a year maybe she will get a date, but instead the guy turns to me and asks her to introduce him to me so he could get MY number, i stood their stunned~ my wife just said "YOU DID NOT JUST HIT ON MY X-HUSBAND!", i smiled and he backed away.

There have been some guys that approached me and asked for my number or flirt with me if i am alone, but except for one i didnt take any up on it, its just too complicated to have to tell them... oh btw i am TS, i just didnt want to go through it.  I did try a TS dating site, but all i got was losers, if you just want fun go there if you want a meaningful relationship dont bother. 

I dated some guys that knew i was TS beforehand because i mentioned it in my profile, and i have to say, guys that dont know your TS, treat you way better.  The guys that asked me out that knew took me to cheap restaurants didnt have a plan, showed up late, or were just rude.  The 2 guys that didnt took me to fine places of dinning, picked me up, gave me flowers, and opened the door for me, and treated me with respect due to any woman courted by a man.  The first guy i didnt have the heart to tell him i was TS so i broke it off, he knew my landlord and i didnt want complications and a backlash....

The person I am with right now is my fiance, he is straight, I wasnt looking for him either, he kinda found me.  We were playing Online games (COD MW2) and well, i sniped him in the head, and he knifed me in the back a few times and the rest was history.  We became friends after the game online, which moved to private chat, video chat, etc... after two months of talking everyday for hours he said he wanted to see me (he lived in another state), at that point i had to tell him i was TS.  Not really expecting anything further after I told him, i was getting ready to log off when he replied "I dont care, I love you, and I want to see you!", well, he came to visit 2 months after, we had a great time together.  He continued talking hours with me everyday, we would watch movies together online, play mmos and fps's together, talk about interests, this went on for 8 months EVERYDAY.  Finally he moved where i am, and we have been living together ever since, to be married next year probably in November (3 months after SRS, wink).  I cant see my life without him i love him so much.

So maybe the moral of the story is... dont look so hard, someone worthwhile might just find you.

[Anthrogal]

I might be on the verge of my first serious romantic relationship at 22. I dated before accepting being trans, but those only lasted at most a week. She's bi (as am I) and I know she's interested in me. We knew each other in high school and she actually asked me out. But at the time I was in no head space to be in a relationship so I turned her down. Recently I reconnected with her over facebook and we chatted a bit. I told her about being trans. After a while, going out on a limb, I said that if she was still interested we could meet up. She said she'd very much enjoy that, so we're meeting for coffee on Tuesday. Sure it's still a long way to go before its a serious relationship, but there's mutual interest and that's more than I have had truly in my other forays in dating.

[Northern Jane]

What have been your experiences with dating and relationships?

Well GG's have enough trouble finding good relationships so for us, it is even worse. Men are such strange creatures that it can be really hard to develop a good relationship anyway and so many are really insecure in their sexuality that they just can't handle anything "out of the ordinary".

I have been on this side of the fence over 36 years now and find that if a guy gets to know me before he learns of my medical history, it's 95% likely that he will disappear when he finds out. If he knows of my childhood going in, I find there is more "sexual curiosity" than anything else or he thinks I must be desperate and be an easy mark ...... NOT! It all really stinks!

I hear that younger guys are more informed and understanding but in my life there was only one who totally understood.

[Asfsd4214]

I'm straight, and distrustful of "->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s".... sooooooooo it's nonexistant, lol.

It's actually what I'd consider one of the hardest things to deal with in my life. Cause I'd love to have a relationship, but it's just really complicated as it stands. 

To be honest, I think my preop status is as much if not more of a problem of comfort for MYSELF as it would be for him. lol.

[pretty pauline]

Iv had very mixed experiences, 1 very bad experience which I posted about here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,41242.msg278947.html#msg278947  and the strange thing is the last thing I said in that reply Id never tell my Boyfriend Im trans, well that was 2years ago, 2months after that post my Boyfriend produced an engagement ring and ask me to marry him.
I was dating my Boyfriend who is now my Fiancé for nearly 18months before I tolded him I was trans, when we got engaged I had to tell him, he was a bit shocked to say the least, that was Christmas 2008, so we cancelled the wedding till we got ourselves sorted, I gave him space, I was glad I tolded him, rather than maybe find out another way.
Mark has now excepted me, but doesn't want to tell his family, so thats ok, its not an issue, my trans history is now never discussed, its in the past, its just history. He has never known me as anybody else only as a woman.
He is an absolutely wonderful guy, a Gentleman who treats me like a Lady and respects me the way a man should respect a Woman.
We're finally getting married on 21th August, Im excited, Im nervous, pre marriage nerves, its a girl thing lol, I just want my outfit, my dress, hair makeup flowers shoes etc etc to be perfect on my day, I hope he will be pleased when he sees me, hopefully looking stunning and gorgeous, Im nervous, but happy, Im 1 happy Girl
p

[quincymaureen]

Yeah, I'm telling my girlfriend sometime this week so wish me luck!

[Izumi]

Iv had very mixed experiences, 1 very bad experience which I posted about here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,41242.msg278947.html#msg278947  and the strange thing is the last thing I said in that reply Id never tell my Boyfriend Im trans, well that was 2years ago, 2months after that post my Boyfriend produced an engagement ring and ask me to marry him.
I was dating my Boyfriend who is now my Fiancé for nearly 18months before I tolded him I was trans, when we got engaged I had to tell him, he was a bit shocked to say the least, that was Christmas 2008, so we cancelled the wedding till we got ourselves sorted, I gave him space, I was glad I tolded him, rather than maybe find out another way.
Mark has now excepted me, but doesn't want to tell his family, so thats ok, its not an issue, my trans history is now never discussed, its in the past, its just history. He has never known me as anybody else only as a woman.
He is an absolutely wonderful guy, a Gentleman who treats me like a Lady and respects me the way a man should respect a Woman.
We're finally getting married on 21th August, Im excited, Im nervous, pre marriage nerves, its a girl thing lol, I just want my outfit, my dress, hair makeup flowers shoes etc etc to be perfect on my day, I hope he will be pleased when he sees me, hopefully looking stunning and gorgeous, Im nervous, but happy, Im 1 happy Girl
p

Congratulations, i hope you two find happiness ^_^b

[amandax]

I am happy for your girls finding the love I think I am like most of girl who love romantic relationships, and like to be hold and spend sometime with some one I love and who love me, and like to have some one in my heart which give me sense of home no matter where I go. I am a dreaming girl   but as Jane said,  "Well GG's have enough trouble finding good relationships so for us, it is even worse", I think it will take more time and luck for me, special I am still preop and pre-full time. However, I feel confident with myself and still believe love can do magic.

Now, I am thinking to go full time sooner so I can have a one instead of two faces to meet people. simpler life (from certain prospective, life always complex no matter what) may be easy to find good relationship, right?

[Anthrogal]

amandax- Are things going better for you with you job? I really hope so, it's so schizophrenic going between presenting as a female to a male (and this is coming from a veritable schizophrenic! ). Like coming out anywhere, you are the best gauge of when the right time to come out is. Going through HR is the best way to start.

[justmeinoz]

After thinking that I was bi, then a feminine gay guy , and working out finally that I am FtM, I  have met a wonderful guy who is comfortable with my dream of transitioning.
When we met I described myself as Gay, and an occaissional cross-dresser, which he was quite happy with.  He likes my femininity, and  after a lot of discussion, is now comfortable with my situation.

Hopefully things will continue this way. 

[amandax]

Anthrogal, thanks for asking. I am still work in male mode at work and haven't contact my HR since I plan to do so after my second trache shave surgery on Sep. I think after I come out to HR, my start time of RLT will soon after that.

I think my problem with the relationship now is that because my consistant shifting double-face life make me self-isolate and avoid to get deep relationship with either side of people since I afraid I will bring confusion to the people and may hurt them. I hope I can bring happiness to my friend but not just I feel good, it's more painful for me to see people I care about get hurt because my situation. I hope after I settle down as Amanda as my main identity, I hope that can help me to open up mysef to the relationship. 

[Rock_chick]

Right at this very moment my experiences of dating and relationships are very positive. I think it helps if the right person finds you.

And yes she does know about me and despite still really being in boy mode, she completely sees me as female.

Now I've just got to stop over analysing things and panicking that i said the wrong thing and she's now locking up her pet rabbits to keep them safe. Thing is I know she's almost certainly thinking the same.