Cami's recent thread
Why you will or will not succeed at transitioning got me to thinking, and reminded me of a similar thread,
Transsexuals will Transition.
Before I go any further, I feel a disclaimer is in order.
Firstly, though I am in therapy to determine if transitioning would be right for me or not, I still think of my gender identity as "androgyne" or "non-binary gender variant." That's why I put this is in Androgyne Talk and not Transsexual Talk (though I considered putting it in the Androgyne Just For Us topic).
Secondly, there is no attempt in what follows to garner sympathy or for me to say "woe is me" or to regale you with some phoenix-rising story. It's simply my attempt to respond to these other threads. It could be argued that I am in agreement with the orginal posts that started those threads.
Thirdly, any disagreements I make with the above mentioned threads are just that: disagreements. There are no attacks intended in any of the stuff below.
Okay, here goes...
Why I Will Fail at Transition
Cami gave me much to think about. What am I willing to risk losing?
Well, as the primary source of income for my family I am not willing to risk losing my job. Of course, I could lose my job at any time. My employer could decide to outsource support and that would be that. I can't be fired for transitioning. But, there are ways to dance around this and I am aware of them.
I'm not willing to lose my wife. To me, that last 22+ years of romance and 21+ years of marriage are too important to risk losing. My disphoria is not as great the sense of dread I feel at the mere thought of losing my wife.
To me, the cost is also a real barrier. I've read the posts of others who would suggest otherwise, and this does make a certain amount of sense. But, this raises another question. What of those who live in areas where they do not even has access to basic health care? If one doesn't have access to basic healthcare, then the advanced health care that transition requires is almost completely out of the question. To say that cost is not a barrier, to me, seems to be a comment from the position of privelege. If one doesn't have the assets to liquidate, how can one proceed?
I am not wholly comfortable in my male body. Would I be better suited with a female body? That, I would have no way to answer unless I transition and experience first hand the "other" anatomy. But being one who currently identifies as non-binary, the "other" might be just as uncomfortable as what I have now.
I admire and am in awe of those who can definitely know what they need, and have the wherewithall to pursue it. I don't fully know what I need, and so I am cautious about how I should proceed. If this makes me not transsexual, then so be it.
I will be androgyne.
Thanks for reading, folks.
