Cami's recent thread Why you will or will not succeed at transitioning got me to thinking, and reminded me of a similar thread, Transsexuals will Transition.


Firstly, though I am in therapy to determine if transitioning would be right for me or not, I still think of my gender identity as "androgyne" or "non-binary gender variant." That's why I put this is in Androgyne Talk and not Transsexual Talk (though I considered putting it in the Androgyne Just For Us topic).

Secondly, there is no attempt in what follows to garner sympathy or for me to say "woe is me" or to regale you with some phoenix-rising story. It's simply my attempt to respond to these other threads. It could be argued that I am in agreement with the orginal posts that started those threads.

Thirdly, any disagreements I make with the above mentioned threads are just that: disagreements. There are no attacks intended in any of the stuff below.

Okay, here goes...


Cami gave me much to think about. What am I willing to risk losing?

Well, as the primary source of income for my family I am not willing to risk losing my job. Of course, I could lose my job at any time. My employer could decide to outsource support and that would be that. I can't be fired for transitioning. But, there are ways to dance around this and I am aware of them.

I'm not willing to lose my wife. To me, that last 22+ years of romance and 21+ years of marriage are too important to risk losing. My disphoria is not as great the sense of dread I feel at the mere thought of losing my wife.

To me, the cost is also a real barrier. I've read the posts of others who would suggest otherwise, and this does make a certain amount of sense. But, this raises another question. What of those who live in areas where they do not even has access to basic health care? If one doesn't have access to basic healthcare, then the advanced health care that transition requires is almost completely out of the question. To say that cost is not a barrier, to me, seems to be a comment from the position of privelege. If one doesn't have the assets to liquidate, how can one proceed?

I am not wholly comfortable in my male body. Would I be better suited with a female body? That, I would have no way to answer unless I transition and experience first hand the "other" anatomy. But being one who currently identifies as non-binary, the "other" might be just as uncomfortable as what I have now.

I admire and am in awe of those who can definitely know what they need, and have the wherewithall to pursue it. I don't fully know what I need, and so I am cautious about how I should proceed. If this makes me not transsexual, then so be it.

I will be androgyne.

Thanks for reading, folks.

I respect those who know what is really important, and I would say 22 years of romance and the financial requirements of a family count.

Forget changing to a body you don't even know you want, maintain and enjoy what you already have - it sounds like you deserve it. (But that still means I can hate you right?)

Sounds to me like you got your head on straight. I commend you for at least knowing the reality of your situation and willingness to live and deal with it.

It can be hard life either way but I wish you only the best in what ever path you take.

Quote from: The Original Cami on July 27, 2010, 05:26:35 PM
Sounds to me like you got your head on straight. I commend you for at least knowing the reality of your situation and willingness to live and deal with it.

It can be hard life either way but I wish you only the best in what ever path you take.

And I, too, wish you the best.

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Post Merge: July 27, 2010, 05:29:11 PM

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Quote from: Pica Pica on July 27, 2010, 05:02:29 PM
I respect those who know what is really important, and I would say 22 years of romance and the financial requirements of a family count.

Forget changing to a body you don't even know you want, maintain and enjoy what you already have - it sounds like you deserve it. (But that still means I can hate you right?)

Thanks, Pica. And sure, you can still hate me. 

Hey,

this is my first post on this site so forgive me if I violate standards of practice or anything.

i've been struggling with this for years, and i have always considered that it's the binary nature of the world we live in which has driven me to where i am. to me, "transitioning" is something i've never seriously considered; it's always been on my list of things to do if i ever end up a millionaire (it's what i would do instead of buying an island). this kind of thing, unfortunately, has to be processed through a cost/benefit analysis.

i have told my wife for years that i would NEVER do anything she was uncomfortable with. every feminine top, every shade of nail polish, i've submitted to her approval. we were both always gender rebels, and described ourselves to other people as lesbians (with the asterisk that she's a lesbian who loves c*ck).

anyway, she had a psychiatric breakdown last year and disappeared. the point, though, is that there's nothing wrong with you for valuing your relationship above your own gender identity. if you're already with someone that you're meant to be with, then it becomes a common project.

i hope for the best for you. we need to really put our energies into establishing the androgyne community.

Thanks, Ryepatch.

To fail at becoming someone else, is only to succeed at becoming yourself.

Quote from: tekla on July 28, 2010, 11:47:04 AM
To fail at becoming someone else, is only to succeed at becoming yourself.

I hadn't quite thought of it that way, but it sure makes sense now that I've read it. Thanks, Tekla.

Some people would say that I have already failed at transitioning, but I would just say that I changed what I was transitioning to. 

I found my spot in the middle between trans and androgyne, and its working for me. I dress how I'm comfortable (which usually means as male and binding), and have finally figured out how to really be my self.

Quote from: Shades O'Grey on July 27, 2010, 04:36:48 PM

I am not wholly comfortable in my male body. Would I be better suited with a female body? That, I would have no way to answer unless I transition and experience first hand the "other" anatomy. But being one who currently identifies as non-binary, the "other" might be just as uncomfortable as what I have now.

Swap around the male and female in that statement, and you've totally described my thoughts and concerns with transitioning. This doesn't mean I don't experience disphoria, and I wish I had the money for top surgery, but not enough to make be feel that fully transitioning is a high priority. 

Maybe eventully circumstances will change and I will decide to transition, but for now, androgyne works.

Shades, keep staying true to yourself! As another non binary person without health insurance, those are very legitimate concerns!

hugs!

Z

Thanks, Z.