Are SOs a rare breed?

[Ryuu]

My boyfriend is also trans, and he's wonderfully supportive, we can talk to each other if we're dysphoric or depressed.
Last girlfriend was also very supportive.
Boyfriend before that left about 5 minutes after I told him. Even though he said it was for other reasons.

[Dragon Friend]

I've always considered myself a lesbian, so me ending up with Jessi still confuses me at times. Some of my gay friends say nope this makes you bi, but to me Jessi has always been a girl even if the exterior is opposite. Things were akward at first, but we've worked through and I'm not leaving due to any body issues.

[eleemosynarify]

I've always considered myself a lesbian, so me ending up with Jessi still confuses me at times. Some of my gay friends say nope this makes you bi, but to me Jessi has always been a girl even if the exterior is opposite. Things were akward at first, but we've worked through and I'm not leaving due to any body issues.

I'm glad it's working out for you. But have you considered that you being okay with the relationship means you are pansexual? I'm just bothered by the fact that you still see him as a girl, and I'd be VERY surprised if he isn't bothered by it as well. His day-to-day life is focused on getting the world to view him as a man, so his partner saying "you'll always be a girl to me" can't be helpful.

I'm really not trying to pick a fight, I'm just wondering why you're so set on seeing him as a woman.

[Katelyn-W]

I'm glad it's working out for you. But have you considered that you being okay with the relationship means you are pansexual? I'm just bothered by the fact that you still see him as a girl, and I'd be VERY surprised if he isn't bothered by it as well. His day-to-day life is focused on getting the world to view him as a man, so his partner saying "you'll always be a girl to me" can't be helpful.

I'm really not trying to pick a fight, I'm just wondering why you're so set on seeing him as a woman.

I think this topic might clear it up (you even posted in it ).

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82441.msg579927.html#msg579927

Her SO is a pre-everything MtF.

[eleemosynarify]

Whoa, definitely my bad. Sorry, just the way you phrased it made it sound like you were with an FtM individual to me. The fact that Jessi is a totally unisex name didn't help my analysis. 

[Cindy Stephens]

     I divorced twice because of it, without even transitioning!  Switched to men for a while, but really prefer women, at least for relationships.  A roommate (female), with whom I had a totally non-sexual relationship, but knew my situation, connected me to a friend of hers she knew to be accepting.  We have been married 25 years.  She has a bit of butch, and quite frankly enjoys my housekeeping/cooking skills.  Only occasionally does she get ticked when I explain how to correctly use some appliance.  She loves watching sports.  Thank God she doesn't drink beer, kicked back in a Barcalounger, farting, while doing so.  I am into the Arts.  Our relationship works because we do not try to takeover each others' "specialties."  We actually have all the same skills and interests as any "straight" couple, except that it is distributed differently.
         I think that SOs are out there, you just have to advertise what you want, and what you have to offer.  No Surprises.  You may find it easier at 30 than at 20, because at 20, women haven't yet figured out that Prince Charming has ridden right past her house.  At least that was about the time I figured it out.  Comfortable may not be a castle, but it's safe, clean, and happy.  Hopefully, that's enough.

[eleemosynarify]

I agree that SO's are out there. I can't stand the pessimism of my friends who, as young as 15, 16, 17, 18, say they'll never love again, or will never find someone who like them. I hear it from straight, bi, gay, lesbian, and pan friends alike. You should never give up on finding an SO that's right for you. And I'll never take for granted that I was so young when I found someone so wonderful.

[Dragon Friend]

Whoa, definitely my bad. Sorry, just the way you phrased it made it sound like you were with an FtM individual to me. The fact that Jessi is a totally unisex name didn't help my analysis. 

It happens. Jessi is short for her chosen name of Jessica. Still at the point of gender nutral aroud 70% of the people we know.

I think that one of the hardest things is juggling 3 names and 2 pronouns. Friends that we are out to say it'd drive them nuts and they'd mess up. Well she is leagely becoming Jessi, so down to 2 names now.

[Tammy Hope]

seems to  be flying apart here. i had hoped for either adjustment or "go in peace" but it's been mostly war. in less complex circumstances it would probably have ended already.

As for the future, I take it as a given I'll be an old maid - if another relationship comes along I'll be shocked.

[Octavianus]

I agree that SO's are out there. I can't stand the pessimism of my friends who, as young as 15, 16, 17, 18, say they'll never love again, or will never find someone who like them. I hear it from straight, bi, gay, lesbian, and pan friends alike. You should never give up on finding an SO that's right for you. And I'll never take for granted that I was so young when I found someone so wonderful.

That is very true, the more I learn the more I see how hard it is for some people to find a loving partner. But the fact that it is hard should not keep anyone from trying. True, it might hurt a few times but in the end there is always someone you can spend your life with. In Holland we have the phrase: "For every pot there is a lid that fits".

[Cindy]

Octavianus said:
In Holland we have the phrase: "For every pot there is a lid that fits".

Ah but then USA made Tupperware.

Cindy

[Cruelladeville]

Indeed....



Nope in my case my very last significant (no-tail) female ex, most defo didn't buy into my GID thang.... and that was that....

But ironically having relationships in stealth with men early on was I have to say validating...it's simpler long-term me thinks for those that are able to break clean and start again....

And also then you be sans the baggage that comes with transitions which in itself can be considerable...but there are no rules or best options with this issue me thinks.... just a whole host of interesting combinations...

[Jennypenny]

Well, I'm staying. My hubby came out to me a few weeks ago. It's been a little weird. He's not transitioning; for me, for our kids, for his uber religious family. He says he's ok just knowing he's a girl , he doesn't have to look like one; would be very difficult, cost prohibitive, for him to ever get to the point where he could pass as female. I would still stand by him/her if he/she did transition. He's my soulmate, my love, my heart, the other 1/2 of me.

He's stood by my side while I changed from an active, vivacious,  busy gal into a sick, often whiney invalid over the past few years. I'm still me, just trapped in a broken body that won't cooperate with how my brain wants it to be. Believe me, I understand how similar our circumstances are. I love him no matter what, and he loves me.

[cynthialee]

Well, I'm staying. My hubby came out to me a few weeks ago. It's been a little weird. He's not transitioning; for me, for our kids, for his uber religious family. He says he's ok just knowing he's a girl , he doesn't have to look like one; would be very difficult, cost prohibitive, for him to ever get to the point where he could pass as female. I would still stand by him/her if he/she did transition. He's my soulmate, my love, my heart, the other 1/2 of me.

He's stood by my side while I changed from an active, vivacious,  busy gal into a sick, often whiney invalid over the past few years. I'm still me, just trapped in a broken body that won't cooperate with how my brain wants it to be. Believe me, I understand how similar our circumstances are. I love him no matter what, and he loves me.

I said that stuff to my wife before I started my transition.x

[Rayalisse]

I said that stuff to my wife before I started my transition.x

Not to contradict my spouse, but -- yea we discussed this post after she posted it... while that statement is fairly true of my state of mind now, I reserve the right to change my mind (which is a girl's prerogative) ... As I mentioned in my intro - if I could wave a magic wand over my body and *poof* into a female body, with female chemistry and plumbing, I would do it without hesitation.  As far as transition goes, I see it as a long painful road with many milestones.  Maybe I will arrive at a place where I can feel fine with my gender identity maybe going in some crooked line (to quote indigo girls - closer to fine) or perhaps other roadblocks get in the way.

For now I'm working on getting my health issues and weight problems under control, before starting any HRT (which I'd really like to do), and looking for a good counsellor who specializes in Gender ID issues in the local area.  I am also busy with family obligations, work ,and helping Jenn with her health issues so I don't anticipate that my progress towards any ultimate FT transition goal (which I'm not sure about anyway) will be super fast.  I'm also working on some of my internal issues, (life experiences leading up to now in new context, and coming to grips with my road ahead,  plans and goals for the future, before I start dealing with my external presentation.  (well I can't exactly say that, I stealth CD when I can, and wear makeup and painted nails out, and carry a purse -ahem "man bag" - , even when dressed as male.)

Right now going FT scares the bejeezus out of me.  I'm so not ready yet physically or wardrobe-wise - but I think I'd like to eventually try at least PT around town or out for one or two days/nights a week.

Cheers!
Rayalisse

[cynthialee]

I wasn't trying to ->-bleeped-<- on your day, btw. I was just being brutaly honest. Many of us late in lifers go through the 'oh I couldn't ever transition because of....' phase.

[Jennypenny]

No worries Cyn. I realize Ray's got the right to change her mind. So do I. I realize that things could get to the point where no matter how much love we have for each other, it may not be enough to come through this with our marriage unscathed.

Heck, I'm still pissed that the kids and I weren't enough motivation for Ray to want to take care of her health. I know she's been depressed, but that doesn't take the sting out of it. All of a sudden she's "out" and on a health and weight loss kick. I've tried to get her to diet with me for years, to take better care of herself...oh well. I'm just happy she's doing it...and jealous that she's having results while I'm not. Lol!

[Him]

My SO was a straight girl.
She became my highschool sweet heart- and we're still together.
She would say 'I'm not a lesbian' for months and months but I was very interested in her.
I pursued her- and eventually (I must of worn on her nerves enough)
she agreed to 'give it a try'.

In the past she's told me that she has considered breaking things off.
It must be hard for her to deal with me. ^^' Only- she's still here.
Supportive- smiling, and 'trying to help'. I love her allot- I only wish I wasn't so messed up/bothersome to the relationship, heh.

In short; I think they are rare.

[Lepidoptera]

My boyfriend and I met while we were both living as women. In a lot of ways, having each other really helped us figure ourselves out. It was so liberating and thrilling early on to realize that there was somebody else who knew what it was like to feel at odds with their body! We were both identifying as FtM early on, but a few weeks into our relationship I realized I just wasn't happy with it. I had a masculine side and needed those qualities acknowledged, but I also had a feminine side that hurt, deeply, at being lost. Because we started our relationship as two men, I was terrified I'd lose him when I told him, but he took it in stride.

So now I'm out as androgyne and much more comfortable with myself. For the most part we identify our relationship as a gay one and it works quite well.

[ChisRei]

I'm a newbie to this forum... I'm a SO to a wonderful FtM... he's a member on here as well I believe... considering he sent me a link....

I guess following the example of someone else's post... A bit about me... I'm a bisexual girl...not a little bi curious girl-- a true bisexual. Physical sex really means little to me, same with gender. I like people.  I have been with Zeke close to two months and I really hope to last a long time... I like him a lot.

I'd be lying if I said it was easy. I get frustrated from time to time and I really worry when he gets dysphoric.

I get most frustrated when he tells me he wants no help... when helping is all I feel I can do.

I want to stay by his side as long as he'll let me.

I knew he was trans before our mutual friend set us up on a date, I see him fully as a man, even if his physical is female for now. If I had the power I'd get him the T he wants and surgeries.


To get to the main topic... I don't think that SOs are a rare breed at all. It just takes a few key points to meet the FtM or MtF partner's needs.. Everyone is different, everyone needs something different in a SO and eventually everyone will find one....