I feel like I can't do eoungh to move on in transsision

[jainie marlena]

I feel like I need to do more, move forward, but things are holding me back. the "I want it now feeling" has past, but this new feeling is knoughing at me. I was looking into hrt, but everything looks so far out my reach. I have had dreams of give myself an orchi and doing some wierd s**t to myself to move on up. Make myself more so something that my wife does not want just so I can move on and learn to live without her. I don't know how to live on my own. I have never lived without someone in my life and that is something I fear. I think that if I made myself undesareble to her she would not want me. I feel a need to push her a way so I can brake away. Sometime I feel powerless against her. I have this passive let the man run all over me because it is what a woman does attitude that I got from my mom that I seem to have truoble letting go or run to the next person that will have me. not that I have run to, but fear that is what I will do if I leave. Please help me better understand what is the right way of doing this so that I don't make things harder than need be.

[Samantha_Marie]

I know what you mean sweetie... I wish I had some magic words to say that would give you the answer you desperately seek but sadly I'm in the same position. Of course everyone has their own variances to it, I guess the only advice I can give is if you know you want to move forward, if you need to, then you have to. It's a scary thought to come out to ones loved ones about this. But remember you didn't ask for this either, just like you know she didn't. And if you can accept this about yourself, then if she truly loves you she will as well.

She may not be able to stay with you after you move further into transition, she may not at all. Sadly all of the research I've done indicates that most relationships end when the one who was born this way decides to right their bodies to match their minds. A lot move on to have a great relationship as best friends, but very few remain together.

I wish I could paint a wonderful picture that would make everything ok, but sadly our lot must go through this process, it's in a way our right of passage, I guess it's the one we must endure in order to replace the one we were rightfully robbed of at birth.

Best of luck to you,

Samantha

[spacial]

laineyjain

Like many, I also understand your frustrations. The lack of sympathy and support from our partners is unacceptable really.

Living alone is quite terrifying. Stepping into a world without someone standing there. Strangely, when you do, it isn't as bad as you expect.

But one thing I want to say, please do not try to physically alter yourself.

[jainie marlena]

I'm not going to do anything to myself. the dreams are just wierd to me. I am saving money to move on. I hope that it is easyer than I think.

[Cruelladeville]

*I hope that it is easyer than I think*

Sadly I have to report that its not..... a book that was very useful for me a long time ago was written by M. Scott Peck... (but not the last chapter on godly stuff)....lol

'The Road less travelled'

But it was a game changer read.....and taught me a profound truth...

Life = difficulty....

'We must attest to the fact that life was never meant to be easy, and that it is nothing but a battlefield of problems. We can either moan about them or solve them. It is here that the vital role of discipline assumes significance.'

His four guidelines to a more fulfilling life are:

Delaying gratification - sacrificing present comfort for future gains
Acceptance of responsibility - accepting responsibility for one's own decisions
Dedication to truth - honesty, both in word and deed
Balancing - handling conflicting requirements

But the key tool is discipline...without it you cannot wrestle with the 'pain' of problems in such a way as to work through them, and solve them successfully... growing so as a 'being'.... as you do so... and work through all those challenging twists and tangles.

(And if things were always too easy you're less likely to value them anyways...dontchafink?)

The clarity of this is astonishing when you get it - internalise it - and use the newfound power it brings you....

But most of us (myself) included... shy away from the responsibility.... it's a constant big burden for sure... and there's never ever a break from it.....

No it's never easy.....nor will it be ever....

But there's a beauty in that too....

Though I wouldn't advocate going too far the other way towards being a neurotic.... assuming too much responsibility all of the time....

A healthy balancing act is what at best, we can all try to dance, fly.... and float for...

[justmeinoz]

Weird dreams are often the way the subconscious sends us messages. I know mine does!

Jung did a lot of work on this, looking at archetypes and symbols. Water for instance can represent emotions, stormy seas meaning upheaval, smooth water contentment etc. There are lots of references on the Internet, and plenty of books about this if you want to follow this line.

I have found it helpful in unravelling a lot about myself that I had repressed for a long time.

[Lacey Lynne]

She may not be able to stay with you after you move further into transition, she may not at all. Sadly all of the research I've done indicates that most relationships end when the one who was born this way decides to right their bodies to match their minds. A lot move on to have a great relationship as best friends, but very few remain together.

I wish I could paint a wonderful picture that would make everything ok, but sadly our lot must go through this process, it's in a way our right of passage, I guess it's the one we must endure in order to replace the one we were rightfully robbed of at birth.

Best of luck to you,

Samantha

Samantha said it so well, and I totally agree with her.  My wife and I are living as roommates right now to help one another financially, but our marriage will end sometime in the future.  We've been married for nearly 20 years.  Knowing this keeps me awake some nights.  Just like you, I dread living by myself.  Thought I was stronger than that, but I'm not.  You are not alone, hon. 

Fortunately, she and I will remain good friends ever after.  Heck, we get along much, much better now as roomies than we ever did as spouses.

Hey, look, babe:  PLEASE don't do surgery on yourself.  You'll way regret it if you try.  Some how, some way, some day, see a gender counselor and start counseling.  Some will reduce their rates for you.  Others work for agencies and may see you for free.  They will get you on hormone replacement therapy.  Then, you can have surgery at the appropriate time. 

Worried about ya, ya know.  Take care.