Discouraged... any tall burly MTF's with a positive/passable transition around?

[Gwenhyvar]

Hi Everyone....

I've been trying to keep positive, and for the most part succeeding, but every once in a while reality hits me like a punch in the gut.

As mentioned in my introduction, I'm over 6 feet tall and not exactly petite... the extra weight is slowly coming off, but the frame itself is what it is. I convince myself I can transition, and with enough work and surgery, become passable, but every once in a while I have a not so brief moment of doubt. This last one was just a few days ago when I was hanging out with some friends, and we were all standing around at the end of the night and saying our goodbyes. I looked around at the 4 males in the room and realized I towered over everyone. Not just in height, but width as well (shoulders, not fat).

I can't describe the feeling of sadness that overwhelmed me. As is more and more often the case in public these days, I was picturing myself as a woman, and in that moment realized that no matter how much work I put into it I will always be a giant - among men, much less women. No matter how passable, my size will always get me looks. I try to convince myself they might be mostly good ones, but I can't help but think peoples first thought will be 'man'. (On a good day I hope it might be 'Amazon')

I was hoping for some positive stories of MTF's over 6 feet tall who are passable... are there any out there? Most of the passable girls whose stories I've seen and read about may be tall for a woman, but not inordinately so. I know I'm fishing, but I feel it would really help me to know it's been done.

Thanks so much, and sorry for being such a downer.
-Gwen

[Lyric]

Self acceptance is something we all have to struggle with whether transgendered or not. You'll never be truly happy until you reconcile with who you really are. Identifying as a woman while possessing a body that more resembles a man's makes that a challenge, but, to be honest, things could be much worse. There are wonderful people trying to simply fit into humanity in general just because the have disfigured faces or conspicuously missing body parts. There are people who would love to be able to go out into public period, but can't because of disability.

I'm a biological male with a decidedly feminine identity, but I have reconciled with the idea that I will never be considered female to everyone I meet and I don't really mind that. You have to look into yourself and realize what's most important to you. Then you have to look at 3 things: how things are now, what can be changed and what cannot be changed.

Nature isn't always fair. Get over it. You're not going to make yourself shorter or narrower. There's no need to worry about something you can't change. Can you present yourself as more feminine? Certainly-- in many other ways. Can you make people think your Jennifer Aniston's twin? Probably not. Personally, I don't find that necessary. I'm not just a woman and I'm not just a man. I am distinctive in my ability to understand and experience both genders, though. I've learned to enjoy my femininity and largely because of that I think others are more accepting than they would be if I went through life down on myself about my perceived shortcomings.

Concentrate on your strengths and what you can do. Don't worry about what you can't do. You'll be surprised how much mileage you can get of that.

Lyric

[Jenni P]

Hi Gwen

I know what you mean. I'm 6ft 1in and weigh 13st (used to be 14st). There are some taller than me; one girl I knew was 6ft 10in!

It can be depressing to realise that we are bigger than most others. But I try to remember that most people are jealous of my height (or at least, that's what I like to think).

You are not alone and will feel better in a while.

Jenni             x

[Nimetön]

I cannot offer hope of passing; I advise you to forget the idea.  However, I can offer an observation from long ago.

I knew a transwoman who towered over us, who clearly did not pass.  She had the appearance of one who could probably dismember someone with her hands.  She was also post-op and had a husband, a house, children, and basically a good life.  She had deliberately surrounded herself with people who accepted her.  She was a very unusual case, but such things do occur.

- N

[Wendy1974]

I am 6' 2" and 220lbs. If I can pass (and I do) then anyone can. When I started HRT a year and a half ago I had to wear 2XL tops because of my broad chest and shoulders now I wear Lg tops. You lose a lot of upper body muscle mass on HRT and that makes a huge difference. There is nothing we can do about our height but it doesn't mean you won't be able to pass.

Wendy xx

[Kay Henderson]

Gwen, I'm also nearly 6'2" and 220, and I've never had a problem with passing.

HRT has made me look less muscular, but I found out when we moved recently that I remain very strong in spite of that - remarkably so for a 69-year-old.

[marleen]

Hi Gwen,
I'm 6'3" and about 240 pounds. Passing is getting better since I started HRT, but the most important is your self confidence. These days, I hardly notice people staring :-)

[spacial]

Tall girls are not as uncommon as you might think.

[Eva Marie]

Self acceptance is something we all have to struggle with whether transgendered or not. You'll never be truly happy until you reconcile with who you really are. Identifying as a woman while possessing a body that more resembles a man's makes that a challenge, but, to be honest, things could be much worse. There are wonderful people trying to simply fit into humanity in general just because the have disfigured faces or conspicuously missing body parts. There are people who would love to be able to go out into public period, but can't because of disability.

I'm a biological male with a decidedly feminine identity, but I have reconciled with the idea that I will never be considered female to everyone I meet and I don't really mind that. You have to look into yourself and realize what's most important to you. Then you have to look at 3 things: how things are now, what can be changed and what cannot be changed.

Nature isn't always fair. Get over it. You're not going to make yourself shorter or narrower. There's no need to worry about something you can't change. Can you present yourself as more feminine? Certainly-- in many other ways. Can you make people think your Jennifer Aniston's twin? Probably not. Personally, I don't find that necessary. I'm not just a woman and I'm not just a man. I am distinctive in my ability to understand and experience both genders, though. I've learned to enjoy my femininity and largely because of that I think others are more accepting than they would be if I went through life down on myself about my perceived shortcomings.

Concentrate on your strengths and what you can do. Don't worry about what you can't do. You'll be surprised how much mileage you can get of that.

Lyric

Well said, Lyric.

[V M]

I'm 6'2" also... Men hold doors for me and are checkin' me out all the time... Even at my age... 48 soon to be 49

[Janet_Girl]

I am 5' 10" and have no trouble passing.  Most of the times that someone looks twice at me is when I am with someone a lot short than I, or if I wear heels.  Both of which emphases my height.

Otherwise no one looks twice.

[mmelny]

Hi Everyone....

I've been trying to keep positive, and for the most part succeeding, but every once in a while reality hits me like a punch in the gut.

As mentioned in my introduction, I'm over 6 feet tall and not exactly petite... the extra weight is slowly coming off, but the frame itself is what it is. I convince myself I can transition, and with enough work and surgery, become passable, but every once in a while I have a not so brief moment of doubt. This last one was just a few days ago when I was hanging out with some friends, and we were all standing around at the end of the night and saying our goodbyes. I looked around at the 4 males in the room and realized I towered over everyone. Not just in height, but width as well (shoulders, not fat).

I can't describe the feeling of sadness that overwhelmed me. As is more and more often the case in public these days, I was picturing myself as a woman, and in that moment realized that no matter how much work I put into it I will always be a giant - among men, much less women. No matter how passable, my size will always get me looks. I try to convince myself they might be mostly good ones, but I can't help but think peoples first thought will be 'man'. (On a good day I hope it might be 'Amazon')

I was hoping for some positive stories of MTF's over 6 feet tall who are passable... are there any out there? Most of the passable girls whose stories I've seen and read about may be tall for a woman, but not inordinately so. I know I'm fishing, but I feel it would really help me to know it's been done.

Thanks so much, and sorry for being such a downer.
-Gwen

Hi Gwen!  I am consistently in situations where I'm the tallest person in a room (not counting heels, which I do wear on occasions).  You have to accept it, and once you do, and are comfortable with it, people will accept you.  I'm 6'2", and I just about let this fact stop me from transitioning.  It was a 6 month process of going through exactly what you are thinking about, before I made my peace. 

I posted on this, *wow* time flies, like a couple years ago, here on Susan's...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,53628.msg333298.html#msg333298

At 6' plus, ANY woman of that height, is going to gather attention, and really, IMO, it's how you deal with that fact, that is the difference.  I think my strategy is just to be oblivious to the attention (although sometimes I'm feeling a bit flirty, and have fun with it  ).  That extra bit of scrutiny is when you could be read.. but I think this goes back the acceptance part... so what?  For me it may be easier, as I'm not stealth at work, I transitioned there, so my 'history' is written on my sleeve.  But I found nothing but acceptance at work.   

Voice is the other big thing to work on, and is so hard for us tall/big girls, generally speaking.  Deep/Resonant Voice combined with height = eeek!   

Losing the weight does help!  I lost 45 lbs to start transition.  It really does help, and even with that weight loss, I'm not exactly petite, but it is important. 

The bottom line is it can be done has been done.   It takes hard work, dedication, and a uni purpose approach.  Look at the before/after thread that is running like crazy.  I NEVER thought I would be where I am today, and happy, finally.  It's a long road, but truly, the past 3 transition years have been the happiest of my life, and as I enter the post-transition years, and life resumes normal, it just keeps getting better.

Take care, good luck,
Melan

[Vanessa_yhvh]

I'm 6'4" and at 4.5 months of HRT, I don't pass, but am treated respectfully, not bounced out of ladies' rooms, etc.

[shanetastic]

I'm also pretty tall too at like 6'1ish or maybe even taller and thought I was never ever going to pass.  So keep up the hope.

[Gwenhyvar]

Wow, what a fantastic response! I can't believe how amazing everyone here is! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

It's great to hear there are so many other tall transitioners out there. I do believe I can be passable with the proper amount of work, but was apparently over concerned with my height (and shoe size LOL).

Lyric, I appreciate the message, but I'm not sure it applies fully to me in this situation. I am entitled to be concerned about how I look now, as well as how I feel I will look in the future. The fact that there are people out there in worse straits does not take that right away, nor does it make the concern any less important (to me).

The self acceptance that you are preaching is to me only part of what transitioning is all about. I am accepting that my mind is feminine. I am accepting that I am not comfortable in my own body. I am NOT accepting to stay this way, in this body. I can accept being tall. I can accept having large feet and hands. I cannot accept going through all this effort, only to still look like a man. I feel I would be no better off if everyone saw only a man in a skirt. If I could accept that, I would just become a very public crossdresser.

I am happy that you have been able to accept who you are as you are - that's fantastic - but I feel like a woman. I do not want to be caught between the sexes. I want to be, and be seen, as the woman that I am on the inside.

This rather harsh attitude applies to me alone, because I am the harshest judge of myself. When I personally see a MTF or FTM that is not passable, I see them as the gender they are portraying, not the gender they were born in. This is because I understand the situation they are in, being in it myself. The same cannot be said of the populace at large, and when walking down the street in public I want to be seen as the tall, proud woman I am.

Different people have different level of acceptable passability. Is it so wrong to want to look like I feel?

spacial, great video. It puts things in 'perspective'   

Melan, you are amazing. I took the time to read a few of your posts just now, and I had a million and one things I wanted to say to you, but it really just boils down to that one statement!

Thanks again everyone!
-Gwen

[Vanessa_yhvh]

When I personally see a MTF or FTM that is not passable, I see them as the gender they are portraying, not the gender they were born in. This is because I understand the situation they are in, being in it myself. The same cannot be said of the populace at large, and when walking down the street in public I want to be seen as the tall, proud woman I am.

At this point, I'm not sure if I totally agree about the populace at large. People have sure been treating me as thnough they accept me as who I present myself to be, despite my current non-passability.

Maybe it's just that courtesy is so much a part of the culture around here that they think I'm a crossdresser and don't see that as justification for being impolite. My experience is, after all, subjective.

I guess if I have a point, it's that passability may not be as necessary for many of us as we make it out to be.

[Lyric]

You don't sound nearly as depressed as you did in the initial post, Gwen. It's nice to talk to others in the same boat, isn't it? Sounds to me like your on the right track. Working this out for yourself will take time.

Lyric

[Gwenhyvar]

VERY nice to talk to people in the same boat... up until now it's been only my wife and I in our little bubble, and that makes it easy for negative thoughts to take root and grow. Hearing from everyone else makes me realize that my fears are based on my own limited experience, and are not nearly as daunting as I make them out to be.

-Gwen

[LivingInGrey]

I think these types of situations are what makes the WWW such a wonderful tool.

I'm also a larger person and I've had my days of "ZOMG I'd never be able to pass".

[barbie]

I am also 6 feet. A stereotype is that women here are shorter, but nowadays I sometimes see young women who are as tall as me. Unfortunately, most of tall women here have unbalanced body figures to my eyes. If their body figure is well balanced, I study them and they also study me 

Some strangers recognize me as a very tall woman while others suspect whether I am a man or a woman. Kids in my apartment straightforwardly ask it. Playmates of my little daughter say like "Your dad look like a woman", and my daughter smiles and agrees. And so on.

A few weeks ago, I saw a very tall foreign woman in a beach. She looked like a professional model, and probaby are from Russia. She was taller than her boy friend. Well-made bun of blonde, and nice white evening dress.

I can not afford to wear such nice evening dress. And having a nice bun would require too much time and effort for me. For this reason, I like wearing very simple, junior-style clothes. Short pants and tees with sneakers. I think I look androgynous as people usually comment that I look like the Mona Lisa. Some aged women praise my body shape, and tend to be surprised when my friends reveal that I am a man. Those aged women are my fans who admire me most, as they are also so much preoccupied with body shape.

Passable to strangers in the street, but not to my neighbours, colleagues and friends. Above all, strangers are not so much important to me, but I just enjoy presenting myself as a woman, preferrably as a girl at 20s.

Yesterday night, one neighbour at my age tried to chat with me in my apartment. He asked why I sometimes wear skirt, heels and lipstick. I just replied it is my hobby as I did not want to detail it. He is too shy to chat with me, but he was a little bit drunken yesterday. We chatted a lot about our kids and jobs. His last comment before saying goodbye was that I am too tall.

The most noticeable change after I started crossdressing is that nobody is afraid of me. My height no longer daunt them. Everybody easily tries to speak to me, whether they are men or women, or whether they are kids or adults. I became completely tired of being asked for the direction in the street. But, I am always welcomed like a kind of celebrity in restaurants and bars. Nowadays I feel that people like me.

Barbie~~