About two months ago a friend came to stay with me, and in one conversation he mentioned a friend of his from school who cross dressed. Suddenly something clicked inside me, and I became obsessed with the idea that I could do and wanted to do the same thing. Thinking back on it, I've had an admiration for beautiful woman's clothing for a long time, and it seemed like I have just made a switch from "that would look good on my girlfriend" to "that would look (and feel) good on me"! But I'm already 35 years old and this is the first time I've ever done it! Now I have got so much enjoyment just out of the thought of being able to do it, that I wish I had thought of it years ago!
From that time onwards I've felt a need to feminize myself that I'd never felt before. It feels like I have gone from thinking it was impossible to do it, to thinking it is possible, and very desirable. I shaved my legs, plucked my eyebrows and started looking after my skin. Just doing those things made me feel so good. I also started caring for my nails - I used to bite them, but the desire to have beautiful nails killed the habit overnight!
Then I took the opportunity to get some good advice on cosmetics from a make-up counter, bought some clothes. A supportive (actually downright encouraging!) friend took me shopping with her and lent me a wig, and last weekend I stayed at home and transformed myself completely for the first time ever! Dressing like a girl was the most unbelievably enjoyable experience. I felt amazing. I thought to myself "Where have you been all my life?"
Now that I have read more about others' experiences, I feel a bit strange. It seems that everyone except me has been doing this from quite a young age. I can certainly remember enjoying putting on tights and the ballet tutu when I was a kid, and having a thing for certain items of clothing as a teenager, like tight bike shorts or my mother's heels, but apart from this I haven't acted upon the interest for about 20 years. I've never been a particularly macho man, though, and have often been mistaken for a gay man because of it.
What I really want to do now is to go out in public as a woman, and I really want to do that before the end of the year.
Perhaps I'm less worried what people might think now, because I'm quite used to being constantly stared at and being the object of attention because of my appearance - I lived in parts of China where tall white people like myself were fairly rare. Speaking Chinese is great too, I was game enough to go right up to the makeup counter when I heard the women there speaking Chinese, I knew the shock of me speaking to them would outweigh the shock of me wanting to by eyeshadow and lipstick - and it did!
However, I am still a bit worried about going into clothes shops, the first time I did it I just admitted straight out that I was looking for stuff for myself, but that was in a big department store, and I find that the really beautiful dresses I am after are in smaller places where I am bound to attract attention as a man buying woman's clothing.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience, not beginning to crossdress until later in life?
P.S. My advice to anyone who is young and getting interested in crossdressing is to look after your skin now, and always wear sunglasses so you don't end up with wrinkles!
