know-it-alls

[Everyone]

you don't need to read this part, but you can if you want to: Today, I finally told my mom that I was trans, and in the process I asked if I could go to community counseling so that I could get HRT. I made the mistake of assuming she already knew that I'm ftm, because I barely hid it. But either she's in denial, or she's oblivious. But after asking her, she gave me a discussion that I was half way expecting. I knew there would be one of two reactions. Either she would accept it and be really cool about it, which I was kind of expecting cause she is open minded. Or she would talk about how it wasn't true, because she's a know-it-all. I expected that one to happen too, but I didn't prepare for it. In our discussion, she asked me why I wanted HRT and I told her it was because it would help me look and sound more masculine. So because I didn't give the stereotypical answer of 'I'm a guy trapped in a girls body' she thinks it's not true. Cause obviously she knows much more about being transgendered than I do.    I am a man trapped in a woman's body, but I didn't think I would have to announce that. Why else would I want to be manly? Apparently, because I've never said anything to her about being transgendered, I'm not. And apparently, because I don't let her see me when I'm upset about my gender, I'm just confused. Because I'm a teenager, I couldn't possibly know that I'm unhappy with my body. :[ But what pissed me off the most was when she said that I would make a lousy guy, because I'm short. That's one of the reasons I want HRT, so I can be tall and pass as a guy better. She doesn't believe me at all, just because I'm a teenager and she's a know-it-all. It took her only five or ten minutes of talking to me to decide that I wasn't transgendered. Being unhappy with my body is normal for a 15 year old, and I agree with her on that. But I kept telling her while we were talking that I was unhappy with the way I was proportioned, and my voice, because they are too feminine. But I guess she just ignored that. She ignored so much of what I was saying, because now that she's decided she's right, there's no way to change her mind. Just typing this makes me pissed off and sad all over again.

On that bright side, she said if I still feel like a guy by next spring and want HRT we can look into it. So I guess that's better than nothing. I just hate her attitude about it, and I mostly hate that she told me I would make a lousy guy. -_- This whole part I typed was mostly just to let out my anger a little bit so I don't start yelling at her.


This is the part you need to read: Have any of you had to deal with know-it-alls? If so, please share your story if you are up to it.

[xAndrewx]

Sweetheart I don't even know you and just by reading this I can tell you aren't a lousy guy. I guess I was always very challenging and rebelled a lot when it came to stuff like this because had it been my mother I would've been like "Okay if you're so sure then why are you worried about my seeing a therapist? If you're so positive then they will think the same thing and you should just let me go". Probably better that you're not like me in that sense. There are many men who are not that tall and many women who are very tall. I've dealt with a lot of know it alls. Coming out in high school a couple years ago, all the kids thought they knew trans better than me for some reason. You know you're right and that's the first step of handling it in my opinion. I don't know how your mom is but maybe you could show her some stories of the guys who don't come out until wayyyy later in life? I'd give some examples and such but I'm about to fall asleep while writing this at the moment so that's all I'm gonna put. Oh and sorry for the sweetheart thing man, it's habit. 

[LordKAT]

Yup, 95% of them were teenagers.

[alex408]

Wow, our mothers would get along.  I came out to my mom when I was 17 and she said the exact same things to me.  It's going to be a slow process and you just have to give her time because she'll eventually come around. 
This is how it went with my mom.

-Stage One: she pulls every possible excuse out of her ass (the whole "Oh you're just an insecure teenager.  All teen girls are uncomfortable with their bodies!  You don't know what you want, you're too young").  This stage lasts quite sometime.
-Stage Two: It starts to hit her a bit so she bring up all these examples about how you aren't actually trans because it's a phase.  "Oh remember that one doll you played with for 5 minutes 10 years ago?  Or that pink shirt you wore a couple of times when you were 3?!"
-Stage Three:  She gets pissed off and yells at you about it.  Threatens stupid crap that you know wouldn't happen.  My mom's threats: burning my mens clothing, selling my car, kicking me out of the house, changing schools, not helping out with college.
-Stage Four:  Hits her with a ton of bricks.  She's finally realizing that it's true and kind of gives up because there's nothing she can do to change your mind.  (Gave me approval for starting T just before my 19th birthday)
-Stage Five: Finally realizes that your happier by going though this. (Just as I'm turning 20)

Like I said, this is what happened with my mom, so your experience could be totally different.  It's a grieving process and you must keep that in mind, giving her time and space to process. Eventually she'll realize she doesn't know everything. 

Maybe try getting her this: http://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Child-Handbook-Families-Professionals/dp/1573443182

It's basically transkids for dummies.  I read the night before I gave it to my mom and it explains everything really well.  From early childhood signs, to how it feels to be a trans kid, school issues, and finally hormones/surgery.

If you need to talk/vent or anything, feel free to message me.  I'm here to help

[Everyone]

Thank you all for your help =]

@alexander13: if I had said that to my mom, she still wouldn't change her mind lol I think her main problem with me going to therapy is that she knows I'm right. She just doesn't want me to know I'm right. And you don't have to apologize for saying sweetheart. =] when I read what you said it made me feel a lot better

@alex408: I think you're right, our moms would get along. They sound just alike XD I think my mom already ranted about it, so her anger is probably over. I just hate how much of a know-it-all she is. I can't wait until my mom realizes she doesn't know everything. I would get her that book, but she wouldn't read it. I can already imagine her saying that she knows what she's doing and she doesn't need a book for help XD But thanks for your help =]

[notyouraverageguy]

Keep your head up ZomZom, she will come around... eventually.
It seems that you guys are changed roles, the parent thinks they know everything and the kid knows they're right. She's probably thinking everything that was mentioned because you are a teen. Teens have these I know everything, im uncomfortable with myself, and diferrent fad phases.
So its understandable for her to think youre wrong. Just put yourself in her shoes, try to see what she sees.
Know it alls are really hard to deal with, but they usually feel that way because 90% of the time they ARE right. And you know the old saying 'mother knows best'.
Im not saying that you are wrong, cause only you can know what you truly feel deep down inside. But it is right for her to want to wait it out, cause to her you've never showed signs or told her about it, so to her its barely a start.
Maybe try explaining how long you've felt this way, that you've done research on it, show her pamplets.
Just as long as you stand your ground.

[ForWantOf]

Like most others are saying, hang in there, I would say it's almost a rarity to come out to a parent and for it to go smoothly.
I guess coming out as trans to a parent could almost be like someone trying to take their son or daughter away, the little boy or girl they raised with so much love and became so attached to. I think it might be a fear of parents that their child will completely change into some horrific mutation of their former self.
If you haven't already, just try educating your mother more on the topic, even though it's so very frustrating and feelings will probably get hurt along the way, but people tend to fear the unknown, and if she doesn't know much about the topic she's going to be all the more hesitant.

My guess would be that your mom's going to have a lot of ups and downs with this for a while, if she's anything like my mom of course. My mom goes from telling me that she loves me and whatever I need to do to be happy she'll support me, to saying she can't wait for the day I wake up and I want to put on a dress and wear makeup and go shopping haha.

Just hang in there buddy