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Thinking of coming out to my mom...

Started by Sly, August 11, 2010, 02:12:31 PM

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Sly

So, I'm maybe a few months from moving out and trying to make it on my own.  When I first started thinking about transition, I thought I would wait until this time to start going by my chosen name and male pronouns, and stay in girl-mode around my parents until I was ready to tell them.  I'm not sure I can wait anymore, though.

My parents are separated, and I live with my mom.  I know she is at least aware that I've questioned my gender identity.  Just a few weeks ago, we got into a conversation that went in the direction of gay marriage, and other such things.  Long story short, she asked if I had any doubts about my 'sexuality' (she meant 'gender identity', but probably just doesn't know the difference) and felt like I wanted to be a boy.  The question caught me off-guard, so after a bit of silence I answered "Sometimes."  We haven't discussed it since.

My mom is not the most stereotypically feminine woman, and grew up in a very conservative family.  She always hated having to wear dresses, act like a lady, things like that.  She told me she understood my feelings, but it seems to me that she enjoys being female physically, just not having to act girly.  I don't know if she knows anything about body dysphoria.

Anyway, she's in New York right now and left me to take care of the house for two weeks.  I ordered a binder that should get here before she comes back.  I plan on telling her when she gets home, somehow.  Maybe just wearing the binder and see if she notices my tits are missing.

I'm nervous, obviously.  My mom has always been tolerant and accepting of other people being different, but I've read many coming out stories where people expected to be accepting were not, and vice versa.  She may be fine with someone else's kid being trans, but I don't know if she'd feel the same about me.

Steph

Think long and hard...

Coming out to parents can be devastating both to you and your parents.  Having said that your mother seems to have opened the door with her question.  You didn't go into detail with regards to her reaction but you could start by saying "You know you asked me about having doubts about my sexuality?"  and you could go on with something like, "Well it's not so much my sexuality but my gender identity."

This should bring forth the questions and hopefully you will have appropriate answers, and this is why you should take your time.  Develop the answers to her possible questions and rebuttals to her arguments.  It may seem a little over the top you should be prepared with something other than "Hey Mom guess what..." :)

Remember parents have plans for their children practically starting from birth, and they raised you to be the Apple of their eye so-to-speak.  You are about to change all that.  Take you time.

Steph
Enjoy life and be happy.  You won't be back.

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