I had my surgery just 2 months ago with Dr. McGinn; her dilation schedule calls for 5 times per day for the first 8 weeks, dropping to 3 times per day until 6 months, then one time per day from 6 months to a year. After that it's once a week. Five times a day is rough! Spread out over 12 1/2 hours with 30 minutes per session that's only 2 1/2 hours between sessions, not counting prep and cleanup time.
I'm sorry you're having such a time with it dear. It's my understanding that the depth and width sort of happen together with the different sized dilators- the largest is 1.5" in diameter and at 8 weeks I'm barely able to squeeze it in there. I also have a skin graft where scrotal skin is attached to the inverted penile skin inside my vagina. That part where the graft attaches is like a ring and is very tight, and usually takes me 6-8 minutes to work the dilator all the way through.
Dr. McGinn showed me what it looks like inside using a speculum. To someone untrained at dealing with post-op women she said it might appear as though there is an infection in there, but it isn't. She said there is going to be white stuff that might look like infection to someone who didn't know what it was, but what it is actually is the skin on the graft sloughing off and becoming inside skin. This will also come out and might look like an infection. Did they do a culture test to see if it was actually an infection or just a visual inspection?
I hope you can get this fixed soon. I'd be trying everything I could to get something clean and sterile to go in there and keep it open in the meantime. Maybe just sit and try using you finger and push as hard as you can stand it with lots of lube until you can at least get it open again. If not, it sounds like $1100 for a plane ticket is going to be your best option. Best of luck sweetie, my thoughts are with you.