Please read, My friend REALLY needs help right now.

[Adrian D.]

Ok, so I haven't posted (let alone got on) in forever, but I'm back and I need help for my friend.
He's FtM and a couple of months ago, he came out to his mother. She's never been one to be...accepting or understanding of these kinds of things.
Recently, he's been asking his mom if he could get a binder and she has responded with things like: "You dont need a chest binder to be Gay", insisting that he doesn't get a binder and says things like: "we'll go bra shopping tuesday" or "I've got bills to pay." even though his mother spend $100 per kid (she's got two) on bras when the binder he wants to buy costs half of that. And then he tried to describe what a packer was to her and she replied with: "Please! PLEASE... tell me you dont want a penis..." and "F^@ing fake d*@k>?! (Laughed her a$@ off) Why dont you go to a sex shop? What your gonna run around showing people your fake d*@k?!! ".

His mother just really needs help with understanding and coping with her Ftm son, and he really needs help coping with the stress his mother is putting on him with the way she is acting.
Does anybody know of any therapists or groups in the Largo-Clearwater or even Tampa area of Florida? Or any advice?

[kyle_lawrence]

Sorry in advance for being blunt, but if anyone responded to me that way, I would do what ever possible to make sure they are no longer an important part of my life.  Your family is the people who love and support you no matter what, and not neccesarrily actually related to you.  I don't mean completely cut them off, but don't be in a situation where you have to rely on them.     (I realize this can be difficult with parents... I went 3 years without talking to my parents more than once every 3-4 months)

I'm assuming though, since your friend has to ask his mom to buy him a binder, that your friend is under 18, and can't support himself yet.  I know it sucks, and hate to suggest it, but he may just have to go along with what his mom wants (and keep a roof over his head) untill he can get a job/ move out/ not have to rely on her anymore.

That being said though, it probably won't hurt to try to educate your friends mother though (but don't be obnoxious or confrontational about it.  I'm not anywhere near florida, so I have no therapist suggestions.

[JosephKT]

I too have no therapist to suggest, however I can suggest something else.  If your friend needs to rely on his mother for support and cannot simply cut her out of his life, compromises may need to be made.  I don't mean, not cross-dressing when in the house or anything like that, but he may not be able to be so blunt.  He can't just ask his mother for things she obviously has no idea their intention, as she obviously does not even know the difference of being trans and gay.  This may seem silly, but we may have to start with baby-steps here such as when the topic arises, to express that her assumptions or attitude about him are genuinely hurting him and he if she wants to continue having a meaningful relationship with him she'll need to make attempts to educate herself about his, excuse the term, condition.  I hope that helps any.

[xAndrewx]

I have some trans friends in Orlando that might have some suggestions for the Tampa/clearwater area. I think most of them go to places in Kissimee. I'll find out Tuesday and get back to you as soon as I can. As for your friend I'm very sorry his mother is not accepting. It took me actually coming out to my mom (don't know if he has or not) and giving her time to sort it out. I came out to her, a month later I mentioned a binder. I've been out to her about 5 months and just happened to stumble upon a conversation last night where I could mention my packer to her (my ex bought me one that she did not know about). 

[Alun C]

I thank all of you who have posted here. I'm Adrian's friend. My name is Alun -- I have been outed for about ...6 or 7 months now. I did out myself to my mum, and we have slightly talked about being Transgender. In fact, I wrote her a three page letter about being Transgender, what it means, and basic information. Her reply was a half sheet of -- "Okay -- I still love you". But as understanding as she seems to be, she's not reacting or bothering to talk about things such as a packer and a binder. She let's me dress and act how I want -- But she completely blows me off when I come to her to actually TALK about being FTM.

I know I should give her alittle more time, but honestly it's not just being FTM that she's only partially accepting. It's the entire "Being-Gay" thing. She's a lot more understanding than she COULD be, but she has promised to try to understand more but is going in the wrong direction...

I just need help. A few tips of how to teach her. Y' know?


Much Obliged, and MUCH APPRECIATED~ <3
         Alun C.

[Radar]

Welcome Alun. Have you thought of finding some helpful FTM info sites for your mom? I think ones targeted to parents of a trans child would help even more. It has the mentality of an adult talking to another adult about having a transsexual child (camaraderie you know?). Sometimes adults just don't listen to children/teenagers or don't take them seriously, but will listen better from other adults.

Do you have trans resources in your area? Perhaps her talking to an older (non-teen) transman would help too. I think therapy would help- especially one with experience with transsexual patients. It sounds like your mother's trying but she's not taking certain things seriously. That or maybe she feels uncomfortable talking about certain topics (like binding & packers) so she laughs about it.

[Alun C]

I have sought out some help but there isn't anything for Trans Guys in my area, it's mainly a gay and lesbian area, so FTM help isn't exactly abundant. I'm still searching though~ And she's atleast agreed to sit down and have a one on one with me... If her damn boyfriend would stop ruling her world for like 20 minutes... *Supposed to talk in the car: Cancelled, boyfriends blood pressure is dangerous high -- Now she's at the hospital and waiting for him* .... It's not going well.

<3 Alun