So....on the discussion board i most frequent (a general interest place, not a T-place) someone started a thread about "Boys Don't Cry" and the subject diverted, as they are wont to do, into something else entirely.
Only a handful of people participating here but the consensus of the three or four guys (and at least one woman) who posted in the thread is that a transwoman (post-op) is ALWAYS obliged to tell a potential sexual partner BEFORE the first sex act that she is trans.
Even if it's a totally casual one-night stand....even if there is no practical way the man will ever find out about her past...even if the whole evining goes well and he's going to be none the wiser....
they argued that it is rank deception and unethical to not disclose (with the implicit at first and latter explicitly stated implication that "I refuse to have sex with someone who EVER had a penis") and remarked that it would cause "trauma" if they found out after the fact.
i told them, politely for the most part, that they were full of s***. That such a standard would do nothing but ensure that all post-op women would remain permenantly celibate.
i pointed out that deception was a routine part of the casual sex dance that everyone was familiar with, and that if he never knew the difference, then he'd never have any reason to feel wronged.
(after I disabused him of his conviction that he'd be able to recognize a neoVagina on sight)
I conceded one would be well advised to be honest if a relationship developed, and i conceded that one would have to be confident that the secret would stay secret (i.e. if lots of folks around town know you are trans, odds are good someone might tell him and then he'd come to stomp your a**)
but otherwise - I held that it was unrealistic to demand to be told in advance of any sexual contact.
Am I wrong?
