Wow..

[madzam]

Today my moms husband basically got "sick" of everything. He told me:
*He doesn't want to see another piece of mail with the name "Jacob" on it.
*He's sick of me always being in my room and walking around depressed
*He hates me because I cut my hair short
*That I'm a girl and I need to stop trying to be a boy
*I do absolutely nothing to contribute to the family <- I'm in high school wtf do you want me to do? Getting my piles of work enough...

That's just all of it sugar coated. And after he got raging about how he hates me, I basically got told that I have a month to move out of the house. And I have no where to go really except my bio dad who I think is still financially unstable but idk.

All of this and I didn't even come out as trans. Everything that I was worried about happening if I told him happened. Fml....
*edit* this is just a little rant sorry if it's against the rules or anything don't know why it would be though

[SnailPace]

Lame, dude.

All I can think to say is; don't worry too much, life will work itself out.  Also, once they cool down I'm sure they'll think more level headedly about this.  They might not decide to let you stay, but they probably won't kick you out of you have honestly nowhere to go.

[Jeatyn]

What does your mother think about all this?

[madzam]

What does your mother think about all this?

Nothing. She said absolutely nothing. Idk what it is, I think she's scared of losing him or something because a while ago she said that I am going  to jeopardize their marriage if I continue acting the way I do (male I guess). Which is a little f***ed up imo, I mean I'd rather lose my spouse than my child.


Edited for language

[Jeatyn]

So she was there at the time? My first reaction was "tell your mother!" because I foolishly assumed a parent would always side with the child when it came to matters such as being kicked out =/

Hopefully he's just blowing smoke up your ass and won't actually take action to boot you out if you have nowhere else to go. You're still in school they can't honestly expect you to be self sufficient just yet.

[madzam]

Yeah I'm hoping the same thing, it's just that he's pretty firm with his word.

[Jeatyn]

Well personally, if it was my child who was acting depressed and mopey and antisocial my first thought would be to try and talk to them...ask if they need any help...what's bothering them...etc.

Not just "stop being depressed, or you're outta here"

[Squirrel698]

Perhaps I did jump the gun a bit and assumed that they had talked to him.  Of course as a parent that would be my first move as well.  I don't mean he has to stop being depressed because that's not a choice.  I'm just saying he should participate in the family more if he wants to get them on his side.  Not the easier thing to do I know but I'm fairly sure it would help. 

Reading back my previous post came out a bit harsher then I intended.  I've just seen a lot of situations like this where the child refused to communicate with the parents and then blamed the parents for not understanding.

All assumptions as I really don't know.  I'm just giving the point of view of his parents because they are important too in this situation.       

[madzam]

Yes of course that would be my first move as well.  Perhaps I did jump the gun a bit and assumed that they had talked to him.

Reading back that all came out a bit harsher then I intended.  I've just seen a lot of situations like this where the child refused to communicate with the parents and then blamed the parents for not understanding.

All assumptions as I really don't know.  I'm just giving the point of view of his parents because they are important too in this situation.     

It's alright, I understand where you are coming from.
I should have been more descriptive with my post.

My transition began about 2 years ago and believe me I've tried constantly to explain to them my situation, but they all seem to end up in "it's just a phase" or "your too young to know what you're talking about".

And for the the last year or less my mom's husband has just been lashing out yelling about me all of the time saying how I am such a failure. In a small way I can't blame him because where he is from it is really taboo for females to act masculine(vice versa) at all. Thus, with me not just acting masculine but becoming male as well is totally making him trip.

[Squirrel698]

Truth be told I don't know how someone your age manages to transition at all in such a hostile environment.  I really admire you for taking that step while still living with your Mother and Step-Father. 

I try to be patient with people because transgendered individuals is such a foreign idea to most people.  Plus what they do know is such bad stereotypes that scare them to death.  It can take them a long time to even wrap their heads around that their child or someone they know is going through all of it.  However 2 years is long enough for them to try to start accepting it and understanding you.

I hope it works out for you.  Are you planning on going away for college?   

[Cruelladeville]

regardless of the TG thang....

Stepmom-n-dad's are notoriously intolerant of generation partner #1 kids..... so much so I knew (am victim too) so there must be somet primal in it like....?

And hey ho....so seems there is!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_effect

http://www.nkmr.org/english/step_parents_abuse_children_to_death_more_often.htm

[madzam]

Truth be told I don't know how someone your age manages to transition at all in such a hostile environment.  I really admire you for taking that step while still living with your Mother and Step-Father. 

I try to be patient with people because transgendered individuals is such a foreign idea to most people.  Plus what they do know is such bad stereotypes that scare them to death.  It can take them a long time to even wrap their heads around that their child or someone they know is going through all of it.  However 2 years is long enough for them to try to start accepting it and understanding you.

I hope it works out for you.  Are you planning on going away for college?   

Most definitely going away for college, I've been trying really hard to keep my grades good too so I can get as much of it paid for as possible, if not all of it.

[Squirrel698]

Sounds like you are doing all of the right things.  You've just got to hold on until you do go off to school.  I truly hope the threat to kick you out is just an ideal threat designed to scare you into submission and you can call his bluff.   

Right now just being with your Mom, helping her around the house, and just showing how much you appreciate her might help to get her more on your side.  I know you tried to talk to her in the past but it sounds like she didn't get the message.  If the only other point of view she has is your step-father feeding her poison because that's how he was raised then she's really stuck in a tough spot. 

PFLAG has some good information for parents.  It's a place to state at any rate.  I still maintain if you show that you are happy with your transgender status and are in fact becoming more of a whole person not less of one would go a long way.  With any luck it will help her feel better about what is happening to her child.         

[lilacwoman]

Most definitely going away for college, I've been trying really hard to keep my grades good too so I can get as much of it paid for as possible, if not all of it.

Some stepdads are fine with their new wife's kids but lots aren't and also your mom may be worried about losing the guy so she will be torn between the two of you.
Any chance you coudl have a time-out spell with your dad to let things cool down a bit until college?

One thing you should do is go online and click to receive mail from every company you can find that send leaflets and prices of college and education courses so that stepdad sees a steady trickle of mail for Jacob and gets the message that you are now Jacob and you're serious about college.

Is it the Japanese that have the proverb about little drops of water eventually cutting through rock?  Or is that that stone that proves the Vikings got to Minnesota a thousand years ago?

[xAndrewx]

Even having only been able to raise a kid for 7 months I don't understand how anyone could have to think about choosing between their kids and their partner. I think the obvious choice is the kid! Now that part of the rant is over they are right, you're doing the right thing by working hard towards college. Jacob, I'm very sorry you're going through all of this man but it will get better. In the meantime you know them best so as much as I hate to say it I would follow their guidlines as much as you can handle till you figure out a solid place to go if you have to.

[kisschittybangbang]

Hey Jacob. Hang in there love, When you get to college it's so much better. My home life has never been perfect (although not as horrid as what your stepfather said to you, but I digress) and I've been trying so hard to get out for so long. When I actually got into college it was like my life opened up and I felt free. My campus even has a wide trans community and a group known as Spectrum. They are even run by a transwoman.  Just don't take what your step says to heart, however.... If you DO get kicked out, try going to a safe station or something like that in your area. Most firestations, Libraries, Police stations, and even some mcdonalds will know what to do if you ask for a manager or someone in charge and say you're in trouble and need a safe place. They'll call the right people who can house you for at least 2 weeks and if you need longer they can help set you up with ways to help. It sounds lame, but really it's a good solution to a really bad problem.

Much luv and support. If you need anything, feel free to message me or look me up on facebook.

[Dante]

That's tough, man. Hopefully your step-dad was just mad, and will get over it, but if that's not the case, I hope you can find somewhere safe to stay for the rest of your high school career. Hopefully you can get into a good college and just put it all behind you. Good luck, and hang in there!

[JosephKT]

That is one suck situation to be in.  I think you're doing the best with it given what you've got, which really isn't a whole lot to work with.  I'm amazed you came out to your parents, un-supportive as they are, at such an early age and kept true to yourself for so long.

The thing that really sticks out to me the most is the amount of understanding you have for your parents' feelings, which seems to be showing itself in a sense of shame.  I completely understand where such a thing comes from, I most definitely feel it, and it's the main thing keeping me from completely coming out to my parents.  No matter what your step father may say, remember that you should not be ashamed.  It does get easier when you move out for college, and neither you or your parents are in each others presence every day, or even months at a time.  I hope things get better before then though, even if it's just by a little.

[JudahLiam]

Hang in there and stay hopeful, everything will works its way out in the end

[Arch]

So she was there at the time? My first reaction was "tell your mother!" because I foolishly assumed a parent would always side with the child when it came to matters such as being kicked out =/

My father always backed my mother against me when I was a teenager, but it never came down to such extremes. They never told me to move out.

MANY people will choose a spouse over a child.

Jacob, this sounds serious and might not just blow over. Perhaps you should start looking into emergency options, backup plans, just in case. I don't remember--are you in therapy? Can you talk to your mom at all?