What does it mean to be presenting?

[Terra]

At my youth group last night I got into a debate with the other guys and girls about what it ment to be presenting. For me, I can't see myself in a skirt, now or for a lang time, not to mention wearing pink or frills. I consider myself more of a tomboy, and as such I plan to not change to much about how I dress. Over time I might change the colours and the cut of my clothes, but my style will probably stay the same.

According to my friend there, this is not presenting because no one can tell i'm trying to be female, and as such I could not go into the RLT untill I did so. My argument to this is that i've seen GG dress like boys, and with a gender neutral name it lets people make up their own mind about me.

So what do you think, what constitutes presenting?

[HelenW]

...According to my friend there, this is not presenting because no one can tell i'm trying to be female, and as such I could not go into the RLT untill I did so.
So what do you think, what constitutes presenting?

I suspect your friend is getting hung up on stereotypical gender roles rather than true presentation of gender.  I think "presenting" means that you are out in the world and the inner conviction of your true gender is the one that shows - it's the gender that others see.  That's why some females can wear short hair and men's clothes and still, everyone knows they're female, and vice versa.

So, I don't really think it's about the clothes.  On the other hand, electrolysis, HRT, FFS and wearing more femininly styled clothes gives other people more visual clues to grab hold of so it isn't as hard for them to see the gender you are presenting.  It makes it easier for Mr & Ms Public to recognize you.

hugs & smiles
helen

[Melissa]

I would say for the MTF, it doesn't matter what you wear as long as you take a female approach to everything.  In all honesty, if you look male, you WILL get called sir.  Personally, I don't think that's very fun, but if it doesn't bother you, then go ahead.  Some days I dress in skirts and some days in jeans.  Always female jeans, always a female top.  Here's the cues I usually give: Breasts (hard to hide them), long hair in a female cut, voice, mannerisms, walk, and lack of facial hair.  Usually (but not always anymore) I wear makeup as well.  I never get sirred, occasionally get "ma'am"ed or "miss"ed, but always seen as female.  I would sum up "presenting" as "presenting cues as to your gender".  I hope this helps.

Melissa

[Buffy]

Hi Elissa,

I never wore a skirt until nearly 6 months into transition. On my first day at work, I think everyone expected me to turn up in high heels, pink top and lime green skirt... they where dissapointed.

I was almost androgynous in appearance....

I wore very plain boring clothes, blacks, blues and browns and basic white T-shirts or blouses and even 4 years post op, I am more happier in T-shirts and Jeans or sports pants and tops etc.

BUT... I also know wear pink, bright colours, have some wonderful femeinine skirts, which I wear when I feel like wearing them.

Don't get caught up in the typical sterotypical views of men and women, women are much more varied than men in all aspects of life, particularly clothes and appearance in general.

Presenting as Female is also much more than clothes and is about behaviour, mannerisms, communication, how you talk and what you feel and how the world percieves you... being a tomboy is not a bad thing.

Buffy



presenting as Female is more than clothes

[Hazumu]

I've noticed the desire for stereotypical womanly/female/feminine behaviour in people who I'm out to -- they're almost waiting to see me do something 'like a girl', whatever they mean by that.

But it's more subtle.  One thing is I no longer censor my speech or my gestures of anything effeminate.  When I refer to myself, I might accompany it with a gesture of my hand coming up and touching my collarbone just under my neck.  Guys don't do that.  Today I caught myself putting one hand on my hip, with the hand turned so the thumb was forwardmost and the fingers pointed back to the small of the back.  Guys don't do that.

I used to catch myself doing that stuff and in horror try to cover up and go for a more 'manly' gesture or posture.  Now I don't worry about it.

I'm wearing black 'Laura Petrie' pullup pants, socks that don't match each other, black suede Merrell pull-ons, a black cable-knit turtleneck sweater over a black cami, a gold chain with a pair of wings pendant, and a white fleece jacket.  Tomorrow's Friday, so I may trade the sweater out for a lavender hawaiian-print polo shirt.  Guys don't wear that.  And a skirt is inappropriate to my work.

I get sirred.  And I get Ma'am'ed.  I got Ma'am'ed when I showed my ID card to the gate guard (the picture on the card showed the Marine Corps Haircut from three years ago.)  He touched the card and said ThankYouVeryMuch, Ma'am.  I even get ma'am'ed the day of electrolysis, with 4 days' growth on my neck.

I try to look as female as I can at the moment, under the circumstances of the moment.  I don't try to look/act like a guy because it might be more convenient, or make my life a bit easier.

That, for me, is 'presenting'.

Karen

[Hazumu]

IMO being a woman is  a very special "energy" (if you will) that others are able to perceive and accept as your gender. It is related to your true nature (i.e, speech, character, demeanor, expression) rather than to the clothes you wear.

That ties in neatly with what others say about being more likely to be read when you're coiffed/made-up/wearing an evening gown than when in pants, some kind of shirt, comfortable jacket and NO makeup...

Karen

[Melissa]

That ties in neatly with what others say about being more likely to be read when you're coiffed/made-up/wearing an evening gown than when in pants, some kind of shirt, comfortable jacket and NO makeup...

I think that depends on what way you feel truly comfortable being dressed.

Melissa

[Jillieann Rose]

I have short hair, shorter than the avatar.  Often when my wife and I are in a restaurant without makeup, wearing mans shirt, and no bra. A waitress will come up to us and ask, "How are you ladies doing tonight." My wife hates it but I like it. Mannerisms make all the difference not dress.
Don't worry about your friends just be who you really are and if that is different than your physical birth gender than you are presenting.

Jillieann

[gina_taylor]

I would have to agree with  Helen that by wearing the proper clothes and displaying the proper mannerism does help out a lot in your presentaton. As long as those things are put into perspective, sometimes a person can overlook the fact that you may look masculine.

Gina