Hi, I'm Jenn, a 33 y/o wife and mom to 4(one bio child, 3 adopted). My husband/partner(Rayalisse on this site)has recently come out as transfemale and joined this site. I joined too, so I could find support, etc for my own issues, as well as dealing with his. Our relationship is 100% open and honest, so neither of us care if we're posting on the same site.
I've always been a huge "tomboy", had relatives criticize me behind my back for not dressing feminine or acting feminine. I've always felt the most comfortable in jeans and tees or polo shirts, rugbys, henleys, sweatshirts, etc. I HATED dresses, dreaded Sundays and being forced to wear a dress as a child, and as an adult too. As a Mormon, dresses were mandatory for women. When I left that church 6 yrs ago, I donated all my dresses to charity and only kept one black skirt to wear to a funeral or wedding if I needed it. It has sat in my closet, untouched for 6 yrs, and I've gone to many funerals and a few weddings too; Mormon ones. I just didn't care any more what they thought of me; I wore slacks. ;-)
I always said I was a tomboy because I was sandwiched in between 3 brothers, so they were my playmates. I have 2 sisters who are much younger. I would have been a tomboy regardless. All my friends were boys, I enjoyed camping, biking, hiking, and was really pissed off that I couldn't join Boy Scouts with my brothers. My dad was a scoutmaster, so I tagged along until I was about 9-10. I even went on overnight BSA trips until my dad got in trouble. My folks wouldn't let me join Girl Scouts(too progressive for most Mormons) either. They wouldn't let me join sports teams either, but my brothers played soccer, baseball, etc. I always felt I got the short end of the stick, being born a girl.
When puberty hit, I bound my breasts. I bound my curvy hips too. I was ashamed and embarrassed when I got my period and hid all evidence(trash, etc) in a bag in my dresser and then snuck it out to the trash after it was done. I had very little interest in boys either(or girls). I didn't really care about dating, didn't go to HS prom, dances, etc. I was mostly a loner geek in HS. I had a few friends from church, but I never felt like I fit in with them and I never wanted to hang with them outside of church.
By 18, I was pretty comfortable in my own female skin. I went to community college and joined a young singles Mormon congregation. I got asked out a lot, went on a few dates, had my first real BF at 19. I was still sporty, played Volleyball with mostly guys at church once a week.
I moved to go to school out of state and met my now hubby just before my 20th birthday. We clicked instantly, became best friends almost immediately, and were married just 4 months after meeting. We had to stay good virginal Mormons; hence the rush to get married. Lol! We had a baby a little more than a year after our wedding, then couldn't have another; I had the problems, not him. We adopted 2 African American babies and that's when I started researching the Mormon church's racist past and decided to leave. We adopted another mixed-race baby just 2 yrs ago, and now we're done(we think).
Although I don't really feel like a woman, I am a nurturer. I adore my children, I'd adopt 10 more if I had the means, time, money, health, etc. After leaving the Mormon church, I went through a sexual identity crisis and realized I was bisexual. I'd never been allowed to even think that was an option. I've never acted on it and been faithful to my husband though.
I am the dominant personality in my marriage. I'm also the one who always did all the handyman-type stuff, painting, remodeling, landscaping, etc. I'd still be doing it if I weren't sick. I have an autoimmune arthritis disease kinda like rheumatoid arthritis, but it mostly affects my spine. I've had 2 herniated discs, one ruptured that required surgery. I've been pretty much laid-up for 2 yrs and my hubby had to take over a lot of the household chores and childcare. This in-part fueled his realization that he didn't fit in the man's role he'd been playing either; helped him realize his transsexuality.
After lots of soul searching and discussions with my hubby, I've come to realize that I am probably androgyn. I really don't identify as a woman, other than my body(which I like other than being overweight and wouldn't want to change) and I'm not a man, but am very masculine in interests, in how I think, in how I act. I also look androgynous(face, not body) without makeup and a girly haircut.
I think it took me so long to realize this about myself because I'm on the autistic spectrum. I blamed my different-ness on being autistic. As I've seen our oldest bio daughter grow(12 yrs old & also autistic), I've come to realize that's not the case. She certainly gender-identifies as a girl and is into girly stuff, but her autistic issues are so very much like mine.
I figure I'm just me. I don't have to gender identify with either sex.
Sorry my intro turned into a novella. I just wanted to tell you all a little about myself and am trying to find others who might understand where I'm coming from.
TTFN,
Jenn
