Telling a guy your trans =x

[Arielle]

Ohkay so who finds it hard to tell a man your trans? Me personally if trust a guy i'l tell him..sometimes i find it difficult though..

[Daszuber]

Yeah, a little tougher- like with telling a girl, I feel more comfortable, not quite "girl talk" but more along those lines, just mire comfortable talking about girl things with a girl as a girl, u guess us the way to put it
but with a guy..even telling them you like men, it's like breaking the man code or something haha
at first anyways, it gets easier with the more people I tell 

[Arielle]

Yeah, a little tougher- like with telling a girl, I feel more comfortable, not quite "girl talk" but more along those lines, just mire comfortable talking about girl things with a girl as a girl, u guess us the way to put it
but with a guy..even telling them you like men, it's like breaking the man code or something haha
at first anyways, it gets easier with the more people I tell

Yeah I always felt more comfortable telling a female but its tough telling a dude ~___~

[Alainaluvsu]

Especially since half of the interaction guys do with each other is about how manly they are, and they like to mess with the most effeminate in the group.

Maybe I'm a bit jaded, lol

[Debra]

Ohkay so who finds it hard to tell a man your trans? Me personally if trust a guy i'l tell him..sometimes i find it difficult though..

Yeah it can be hard. I've come to a point where I have it in my profile but it's buried amongst lots of other things....it's like just antoher detail.

If I'm talking to a guy and the subject of my ex or my parents or something comes up then I just out with it but otherwise I see no need to bring it up until we switch to another medium (such as IM or phone or text) because once they see my last name, they can google me easily enough to find out and I'd rather be the one who tells them.

[Izumi]

Ohkay so who finds it hard to tell a man your trans? Me personally if trust a guy i'l tell him..sometimes i find it difficult though..

heh i told everyone, my friend chris (a guy) said "Yeah, that explains a lot... when you did... and all those times you... yeah, you would be!".  It all depends on how good a friend, my guy friends (all of them) totally treat me like i have always been a girl, even doing stuff like hugs when we meet and escorting me to my car, opening doors...   Never had any problems with them..  I think being comfortable with yourself is key to people being comfortable around you. 

I dont tell anyone new (friends) that i am TS.  They dont need to know and my old friends keep it a secret.  I did get busted once, my sams club card had my old picture on it and I had to renew, the guy at the counter looked at it and said "this person has to come in and not you",  i said thats me... "No way"  I showed my ID to him and he said "i would never have known, you look hot...heh"  and continued doing his job. 

So depends on the guy i think.  In certain environments its safe in others its not.

[Alainaluvsu]

heh i told everyone, my friend chris (a guy) said "Yeah, that explains a lot... when you did... and all those times you... yeah, you would be!".  It all depends on how good a friend, my guy friends (all of them) totally treat me like i have always been a girl, even doing stuff like hugs when we meet and escorting me to my car, opening doors...   Never had any problems with them..  I think being comfortable with yourself is key to people being comfortable around you. 

I dont tell anyone new (friends) that i am TS.  They dont need to know and my old friends keep it a secret.  I did get busted once, my sams club card had my old picture on it and I had to renew, the guy at the counter looked at it and said "this person has to come in and not you",  i said thats me... "No way"  I showed my ID to him and he said "i would never have known, you look hot...heh"  and continued doing his job. 

So depends on the guy i think.  In certain environments its safe in others its not.

lol, +1 to that guy at Sams

And yes, self confidence goes a long, long way, for sure!

[Octavianus]

Especially since half of the interaction guys do with each other is about how manly they are, and they like to mess with the most effeminate in the group.

Please, we are not all that bad. But from what I understand it seems that girls in general are indeed more accepting on the subject than men.

[Alainaluvsu]

Please, we are not all that bad. But from what I understand it seems that girls in general are indeed more accepting on the subject than men.

Maybe I just grew up around the wrong crowd. My peers were pretty viscious.

[Matt Chase]

just my thoughts as ftm (since it seems like mostly girls in here )

the thing about women, in my observations, is that they're all comrades with each other, like they (usually) will stick up for any of their fellow women, just cos they're females. (especially if they get burned by a guy. maybe i'm watching too many chick flicks but it seems like women have no problems with seeing all men as the enemy.) so it seems like a woman finding out you're a woman would just make her like you more since they tend to stick together. might have something to do with biology that women tend to feel Connected to one another, just speculating on the evidence that when women live together/spend a lot of time together their periods start to sync. (< not really relevant) but this also seems to mean (again just from my own experiences/speculation) that when you're ftm they kind of see it as an attack on their gender, like you're leaving them behind or something. women want you to be more like them!* good for you girls, makes it more difficult for us though.

*in general people do tend to gravitate toward people that are more like them because of evolution and the community=survival thing that popped up a few thousand years ago. again not really relevant but i like thinking about why things happen.

guys tend to be more chill about stuff. i mean the douchebags & homophobes (not saying that being TG is the same as being homosexual, but a lot of people think of it that way just because of misinformation/misconceptions) might make a big deal out of things like ->-bleeped-<- and be bigoted but there are bigoted women too, they're just prettier so it's easier for them to hide it. but guys (at least the ones i know) are pretty much ok with letting people do whatever they want as long as it doesn't mess with them.

don't know if that actually had anything to do with the topic, i tend to just go off on tangents...

[clairezoey]

why u need to tell people everything? there something better not knowing.

be a spy, a james bond, ur identity was secret.

[Izumi]

just my thoughts as ftm (since it seems like mostly girls in here )

the thing about women, in my observations, is that they're all comrades with each other, like they (usually) will stick up for any of their fellow women, just cos they're females. (especially if they get burned by a guy. maybe i'm watching too many chick flicks but it seems like women have no problems with seeing all men as the enemy.) so it seems like a woman finding out you're a woman would just make her like you more since they tend to stick together. might have something to do with biology that women tend to feel Connected to one another, just speculating on the evidence that when women live together/spend a lot of time together their periods start to sync. (< not really relevant) but this also seems to mean (again just from my own experiences/speculation) that when you're ftm they kind of see it as an attack on their gender, like you're leaving them behind or something. women want you to be more like them!* good for you girls, makes it more difficult for us though.

*in general people do tend to gravitate toward people that are more like them because of evolution and the community=survival thing that popped up a few thousand years ago. again not really relevant but i like thinking about why things happen.

guys tend to be more chill about stuff. i mean the douchebags & homophobes (not saying that being TG is the same as being homosexual, but a lot of people think of it that way just because of misinformation/misconceptions) might make a big deal out of things like ->-bleeped-<- and be bigoted but there are bigoted women too, they're just prettier so it's easier for them to hide it. but guys (at least the ones i know) are pretty much ok with letting people do whatever they want as long as it doesn't mess with them.

don't know if that actually had anything to do with the topic, i tend to just go off on tangents...

Heh, women seeing all other women as comrades... laugh.  So wrong on that.   Women just express themselves a little different then men.  Men speak what is on their minds more and let their actions do the talking, however, women are much more subtle and have a large of web of intrigue.  Women communicate more by talking so it might seem like women talking to each other are friendly toward each other, however this is not always the case, a lot of times a woman might have totally opposite feelings then what she lets on and only ACTS polite but really is working in the background to undermine the other person, but in a more subtle fashion, a rumor here and there... Women are masters of manipulation and interpreting social situations.  All in all, even our friends a lot of the time we enjoy their company, but they are also competition.   Women are often jealous of one thing or another and while a friendship is good on the outside one person or both can harbor resentment but keep it inside.  Like on the surface two friends meeting up might compliment each other on how they look but keep their real feelings hidden.

The social pressures on women are far greater then on men, so they are far more competitive then you think, its just that men dont clue into the game being played because its not a physical one.  Its a world filled with social nuances and cliques that really only someone living in it can understand.  Thats not to say you really dont have friends, you do, but all is not as it appears in the world of women.

[Octavianus]

Dear Izumi, now you write about it I think you are right about this. I used to take long hiking trips through the mountains with a female friend. When you are that long alone together you start to open up to each other and talk about various deeper subjects. She told me she loved these trips because it allowed her to just be herself without having the need to be ever watchful to what other women say and more important think about her. These conversations opened up a whole new world previous unknown to me and gave me a picture which is pretty much the same as you just described above.

But somehow to us men you seem to be the more friendly, more fair gender. Maybe we sometimes just don't notice this hidden world because we are often a bit too direct with our feelings and emotions while women are much more subtle.

[Izumi]

But somehow to us men you seem to be the more friendly, more fair gender.

Thats what we want you to think.  Wa ha ha ha ha ha.  Let me give an example of typical female interaction between 2 friends:

Friend A and Friend B meet.  Friend B has bought a new skirt, and has purposely showing it off.  Friend A is jealous of friend B's look and her legs.   Friend A says "Thats a nice skirt, where did you get it?", Friend B says "Oh this old thing.....".  To the outside world a nice conversation between two friends shared over a cup of coffee and laughing....

What are they really thinking:

Friend A, "That bitch, she knew what i was wearing ahead of time and purposely one upped me...."
Friend B, "Heh, I look better then her , that will teach her to flaunt her boobs at my party last week...."

In reality you never know what women are really thinking, other women can guess the meaning behind the words but then again we all play the game with each other.  We are still have friends, but at the same time we are naturally competitive of each other, while men beat each other up to see who is better, women take a much more subtle approach. 

[Arielle]

Thats what we want you to think.  Wa ha ha ha ha ha.  Let me give an example of typical female interaction between 2 friends:

Friend A and Friend B meet.  Friend B has bought a new skirt, and has purposely showing it off.  Friend A is jealous of friend B's look and her legs.   Friend A says "Thats a nice skirt, where did you get it?", Friend B says "Oh this old thing.....".  To the outside world a nice conversation between two friends shared over a cup of coffee and laughing....

What are they really thinking:

Friend A, "That bitch, she knew what i was wearing ahead of time and purposely one upped me...."
Friend B, "Heh, I look better then her , that will teach her to flaunt her boobs at my party last week...."

In reality you never know what women are really thinking, other women can guess the meaning behind the words but then again we all play the game with each other.  We are still have friends, but at the same time we are naturally competitive of each other, while men beat each other up to see who is better, women take a much more subtle approach.

Hahaha thats sooo true! thats why i hang with guys and not females

[Ayaname]

For me it depends on the guy. If he's a friend I really don't like to share that detail with them, however I always find myself getting so worried over whether or not they can already tell that I usually end up telling them anyway. If the guy is someone I just met then I am not at all comfortable telling them that I'm trans because at that point I have no idea how they might react. The reaction could range from "meh, not a big deal" to "eww, get away from me, ->-bleeped-<-!". If it's a guy I'm interested in on the other hand, I have no problem telling them at all. My feelings about outing myself seem to disappear when I'm doing it for the sake of someone I care about.

[Izumi]

Hahaha thats sooo true! thats why i hang with guys and not females

yeah its much better to hang out with people that dont look you in the face when they talk to you, and fantasize about all the different ways they would like to do you... 

Asked a guy friend about it once, he gave me an honest answer, 
Me: what would you have done if you just met me and we didnt know each other before hand.
Him: "If i didnt know you before, i would hit THAT like the fist of angry god!"
Me: Your thinking about that right now aren't you?
Him: "Yeah, you and 3 other girls i saw this morning, it was easier when you didnt have titts...." 

[Alainaluvsu]

yeah its much better to hang out with people that dont look you in the face when they talk to you, and fantasize about all the different ways they would like to do you... 

Asked a guy friend about it once, he gave me an honest answer, 
Me: what would you have done if you just met me and we didnt know each other before hand.
Him: "If i didnt know you before, i would hit THAT like the fist of angry god!"
Me: Your thinking about that right now aren't you?
Him: "Yeah, you and 3 other girls i saw this morning, it was easier when you didnt have titts...."

Wow, he's so respectful. Just one of those sad but true things I guess...

I do not look forward to coming out to any (natal) men. Especially the ones I know now. I can just see the big "EWWW!" face they'll probably make, followed by some ignorant derrogatory remark about being gay. I know some guys aren't like that, but my experience is: I havn't met one guy that has openly said he's fine with transsexuals. We have all been some sort of joke.

And the quote I put kinda displays how sex is the leading thought for many men when females are involved in any way.

[Angela]

Izumi, that is pretty sad.I asked  my boyfriend Mike, if he didnt know me from before, and came out again transgender, would he still love me? He said he wasnt sure.I dont know if I should see that as positive or negative ?

[Izumi]

Izumi, that is pretty sad.I asked  my boyfriend Mike, if he didnt know me from before, and came out again transgender, would he still love me? He said he wasnt sure.I dont know if I should see that as positive or negative ?

My friend not my BF/Fiance said that, we are long time friends.. who said anything about love... lol he just would sleep with me, but he was honest about it and we can speak frankly since we go way back.  Obviously, since we know each other, its hard to think about sleeping with me now, and we both know that. 

Dont take it as a negative, if you tell anyone the day you meet them before they know you if they would love you if you told them you were TS, i would say everyone that wasnt an admirer would go NO, sorry.  I have to admit, even I, in my past would have said, what! no! cya.  However... if i had dated a woman, gotten to know her and fall in love with her, then if she came out to me, i would have a much harder time saying no, i would honestly think about it a long time.  Most of my friends think the same way, but they are not scumbags, and are decent human beings.  So dont be mad at your BF he is being honest.

Luckily i found a guy that loves me and sees me only as a woman, even after i told him 2 months into our relationship.  A guy i will be spending the rest of my life with. 

I hope the same for you.