// Thought I would write my summary as it may be useful for a few who are thinking about transitioning and what to expect/what I have been through so far, its long, but 100% honest.//Wow so finally over the first month of HRT
Im not sure if this is a milestone for all but it sure feels like one to me!
Where to begin...WELL if you haven't read my introduction Ill give a little info/recap, Im 25, Australian, had MTF issues since as long as memory's and photographs can take me back and have let this hold me back from living a real life up until now.
I guess I hit *my* breaking point at 25, having never been interested in 'porn' or been able to hold an intimate relationship(with guy or girl) and only being interested in transgender fiction for any sexual excitement I am somewhat surprised it didn't happen sooner but I guess I had a HUGE amount of denial & coping mechanisms that set me back. Mainly drug abuse; Cannabis being the DOC to set me into a state where I didnt feel like either gender and could maintain a ->-bleeped-<-ty existence with other stoner friends to be quite blunt. (that being said my personal belief is that Cannabis is a great tool for stress relief & relaxation but just like all drugs - should not be /abused/)
I got to the point where I realized identifying as a gay man just isnt going to work for me, as much as I love being intimate with a guy I hate being treated like one...There was no way down stairs was going to be at attention when your TS and treated like a man no matter how feminine I portrayed as a 'gay male'.
With a choice of either a continued life of no intimate relationships and drug abuse which would almost certainly make me lose anyone close to me OR to transition - live the life I have always wanted and *possibly* lose a few? - Easy answer. Besides my parents have told me from day one all they want is for me to be happy, even if they dont understand my "issues" I know Im doing what they would want even if they are currently blind to the reality and follow society's prejudice. Guess you just got to get close to your rock bottom, fortunately for me it was drugs and not suicide but the two are often intertwined...
So anyway after 25 years I realized I wasn't going to be given a Wishing Stone or the Medallion of Zulo(obscure references ftw
)....I realized I unfortunately wasn't special, god is not going to bestow me with my wish of being a girl after a life time of whimsical wishes and I should just build up the courage and bloody TRANSITION!
Being fed up, highly depressed, feeling like there was no way out or where to go I ordered my HRT supplys online without a doctors consent knowing I could die from them but not caring. Well....soon as they arrived and I started my regime which trust me was well researched(I did Bio Chemistry as part of my degree) and begun my treatment. Why you should just see the bloody doctor ill get to later and why Im not going to encourage you to take the same route.
Mental effects were apparent within the first three days and physical effects including enlarged nipples(probably 160% the size of before), shrunken 'bits'(mainly the 2 'boys') & slower hair regrowth(entire body) was rather apparent by 3 weeks. By the 4th week I had AA near A cup boobs after starting with a flat chest and skinny frame for my height (58kg(127pounds) 6 feet tall)and am currently sitting here just after that...
Within that second week when my nipples popped & I could feel breast tissue building I did start to freak out a bit...as well researched and medically knowledgeable I am the social implications were to much 'up in the air' for me to deal with and I just needed another human in real life(not on a discussion board) to basically at the end of the day, tell me im not crazy.
Luckily thanks to this site I found a transgender psychologist in my area! (Fairly remote Australia mind you!) Best of all - Her & the Endo there dont charge as its run by the government! *crazy smiles* . I made the appointment, almost didnt go, some how got up the courage to go....entered the room literally shaking, mouth went dry and had to ask for water but left feeling like a million dollars and fully confident in my transition.
A few weeks later(today) I had an appointment with the Endo who basically just asked all the same questions and wanted to make sure I was really trans, after an hour once he confirmed the previous diagnosis from the psych(which trust me isnt too hard judging by my life history) he booked me in for my bloods next week.
I went in wearing my normal clothes(which i guess are a bit feminine) but I thought I was passing for a male lol....well I was in my Sass&Bide jeans and a bit of a low cut top(made for boys thou!!) and as were leaving the session he's like "oh lets change your name, your passing now anyway so we should update it"....which is probably the nicest compliment yet as I didn't even ask if i passed or for a name change(btw the name change isn't "legal" but the government accepts its use till you make your legal change and will only refer to you as such and even though I dont think I pass *yet* im a sucker for nice words lol)
To be honest I was thrown back by his suggestion/compliment and nervously said we'll update it next time but god it felt so darn good!
Walked out of there feeling like a million bucks, he thought I was a sane normal girl, intelligent, witty & humorous, the fact I had to deal with my trans issues was merely a obstacle in my life and that felt great as I know a lot of people would see it as a defining quality(transition).
Anyway before I finish another glass of wine and fill another page here's my picture at 1 month:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jasmine-b/4944869523/#/photos/jasmine-b/4944869523/lightbox/Thanks for the read all, Ill give you another /big/ progress update at two months
