Mom

[Ricki]

Hello Char i can only think of the amazing possibilities you have now?
this site has hundreds if not thousands of years of experiences and tragedies of like minded people?
if you have the time and read some of the posts you may find wonderful bits of information and great ways to support your daughter and help her!
Best wishes
Ricki

[Chaunte]

Char,

Welcome to Susans!  And thank you for being supportive of your newly-discovered daughter.

Echoing what others have said, your child needs a very supportive shoulder to lean on right now.  If she doesn't call back soon, might I suggest calling her.  Gender identity is a real struggle for many of us.  Having someone to talk with who will listen, be supportive and not judgemental is so very important right now.

Regardless of how the exterior might change, your child is still the same person on the inside.  Hopefully, good Lord willing, this will end the conflict that has raged inside of her.

Chaunte

[Peggiann]

Char,

First let me add my welcomes to this wonderful site.

NOW! Before you read any further pick up the phone and call your son. If there is no answer get in your car and go over to his home and get him to answer the door. When one is drinking and lets out the secret he just shared with it could be that he was letting you know a reason for the possible suisidal state of mind should that be the out come. The longer you wait the more at danger he is. you must make the move not wait on him to call you. His phone call to you could have been in a drunken state... if he remembers what he told you when he sobbers could be more than he is able to handle. so make the contact with him now how ever it needs to be done. Come back after you know everything is ok with your child and finish reading.

Your tears may come from many angles; guilt, loss, at at loss, and in simpathy. so lets look at them.

Guilt: Because you may have said things about your child's behavior over the years, that now knowing the secret that has been hidden from you, you realize now how much it must have hurt those precious feeling of your child.

Because you can't put your child back inside so you might could get it right the second time if itwere possible. Guilt for somehow you think maybe it was you or how you carried this child that this happened.

Loss: Loss of the son you gave birth to, the one you felt grow inside you and felt come through and out your body into this world. Loss of the relationship as you knew it before this secret was shared with you. Loss of all that your life would have experience had your child stayed the way you thought him to be 24 hours ago.
No daughter-in-law to be, now children of his to call you grandma.

at a loss: because you don't know what it is that is needed of you. at a loss because you can't take away all the hurt or kiss this ouchey away, or put a band aid on and make it better.

Sympathy: for feeling the hurt because you to have felt hurt over the years. the connection and bond of mother toward child is so strong it allows a mother to feel exsteemly close and able to feel the actule feeling and degree of hurt one of her children feel.

All are stages of grief as is posted in another topic her on this forum. you'll find it as one of the 3 or 4 thumb tacked topics at the top of the forum list. Gill is whome submitted it. You'll find it helpfull I'm sure.

all tough things to have stare you in the face and have to deal with. As was mention in earlier replies to your post a therapist would be of great value to both you and you beloved child.

Take care and feel free to visit with on any other issues you have.

Peggiann

[Char]

  Thank You everybody for your kindness and support.  I cant get in a car and go over to my sons house. He moved far away, to whole other State.  I know all too well about depression and suicide. I myself am a suicide survivor. I should not be alive today but I am. My Son was 4 years old when I almost died. He did not have a whole Mother when he was little. I know the signs of depression, the signs of suicide. I did ask him on the telephone if he was feeling suicidal, he said he is not suicical but he is depressed. I never want my son to go through this suicide stuff, it is the most awful feeling in the world to feel as if you are in a black hole with no light in sight.
I did try to call my son before coming on this board but he is at work. I do not know the people he is living with and I dont want to intrude on his privacy. I told my son last night I love him very much, I always will and nobody or no thing ever can stop the love I have for him. I told him he can call me anytime he needs somebody to talk to. I even told him he is welcome to come back home. He doesnt want to come home right now. He did ask me if he could bring his mate with him to visit sometime and I told him yes he could.
I would never try to put my child back inside and get it right. I accept my child for who he is, its others not accepting him that hurts me. My son  is having a hard time accepting himself and I just want him to know that it is OK to be who HE IS, not what others in our culture think he should be.
It took me 40 years to learn that lesson for myself. I know what it is like to not be my true self to others, never showing feelings, because I was scared.
Im not worried that my son wont be able to give me Grandchildren. I am a Grandmother already. My son has always told me since he was little that he would never get married to a woman and have children, that is something I accepted many years ago.
Yes it does hurt that I cant take his pain away because if I could take my sons pain I would but I know I cant.
This is my sons path in life and I accept that. I love him no matter what.  I just hope that somehow he can stop running from his true self and be free to be the person he was meant to be.
Posted on: December 10, 2006, 10:57:25 PMoh and what I mean by "free to be who he is meant to be" I mean free to be the woman that he is.

[Bob]

Bravo Char !
Man You are a sharp person !
it took me 2 weeks to come up with that frame of mind <GRIN>
Sounds like you've done all you can .... for now... the rest is up to him/her.
stay in touch Gal ! vent your flustrations to us... <grin>
...
God it makes me feel good knowing there is someone else out there that understands what realy loveing their Kid is all about !  and You got it down pat!
Good for you !
WOOT !
Cheer and all that !
...Haing in there !
Bob..........

[heatherrose]

Char,

I am so glad that you found Susans.
I can empithise with your daughter's pain, confusion and anger.
In my opinion it is neither her or your fault.
It is simply a birth defect.

I wish my Mom had reacted in the same manner,
when I had told her, when I was young.
She did not have the support
or the ability to research the matter,
as you do now.

I told her almost a year ago of my intention to
transition and become the woman on the outside
that I am on the inside.
33 years after she first found out and tried to
literally and figureatively beat it out of me.

At this point my Mom accepts my discision.
She has renamed me.
Maybe You can extend an olive Branch (so to speak)
by broaching that subject with her.

Always Love,
Heather Rose

[Dennis]

Welcome to the forums, Char. It's good to see parents here. I wish my own mother would have availed herself of resources like this when I was first transitioning. She made her way through anyway, but I think it would've been a bit easier for her.

Dennis

[Char]

 Hello everybody,
I just wanted to stop by today and tell everybody who responded to my posts, Thank You all so much. Your words and encourgment touch my heart. Such beautiful hearts and souls in here. I would have liked to responded to each of you with an email but the rules say I must have 15 posts first???  When I read that one of you  was beaten when you told your Mother, well im so sorry that happened to you.  It makes me angry to know that people can be so heartless and cruel in this world. Always remember that you are beautiful inside and out. You are a precious human being.  I hope each and everyone you here has a lovely day.

[Dennis]

Hi Char, yes 15 posts are necessary for PM's. The reason being to prevent abuse. Unfortunately, a site like this occasionally attracts whackos who may harass or abuse members, so we put that safeguard in place.

You'll be there soon

Dennis

[Melissa]

Hi Char and welcome to Susans.  It's interesting that you accept your child for who she is and are afraid of how society will percieve her.  I am currently living fulltime as a woman and have been for about 5 months now.  I came out to my parents a little over a year ago.  My experience has been that society has been completely accepting of me and the only opposition to me transitioning has really come from my parents and especially my Mom.  Also from my siblings but not nearly so bad.  I have not seen my parents since April of this year and from what I've heard from them, they still have no intention of ever seeing me again.  For this, I am jealous of your child and that she has such an accepting parent.  So, I think things will turn out far better than you are imagining.  Just the fact that your child has your support will help in a HUGE way.

Melissa

[Ricki]

If some of us could only of had a supporting and loving mother like you what a world it would be!
A kiss for you and a hug...............
Ricki