Now I understand these complaints

[Silver]

I hate the way people refer to transsexuals.

"That chick that wants to be a guy."
"Transguy? So you mean it's really a woman?"
"When you used to be a girl."
"You're not really a man."

Ergh, these things piss me off. And also, "she got a sex change." People seem to have the idea that one will just up and decide to get this mystical procedure called a "sex change" that will instantly turn one into a man/woman. First, I am still a male if I don't get a surgery of any sort. I will still look male for the most part and be functionally male in most of life. Second, it doesn't just "happen." Nor does one just decide one wants to be the other sex.

And a transmale is an FTM, an "actual male," etc. Same goes for MTFs. I know I should just keep my head down and not say anything since there's nothing I can do but it still frustrates me. If I were born male, I wouldn't have to deal with this crap. Nobody would tell me that in reality, I was not "really" male. I'd probably have near the same behavior, and once I'm on T, I will have a pretty male appearance and potential for strength. But I'm still going to get this, even if my genitals have no bearing on the situation by people who knew me before.

/rant

[Elijah3291]

ugh yea, I have a friend who keeps asking me "so are you still having the operation?"

as if there is one simple operation to fix everything, I have to tell him, its the hormones! and yes there is a chest surgery, and no bottom surgery isnt too my liking.

[Silver]

I tell my mom about the effects of T and she doesn't believe a lot of it. Says I can't every be truly male, so I'll never have an adam's apple or somesuch. People like this are a pain, not people who don't understand, the worst is people who don't want to understand, you know? People who, if you say something they don't want to believe, will just pretend they didn't hear you even if you tell them over and over.

Rant-worthy day, what can I say?

Too bad there's no way to get a completely functional, decently sized penis. People seem to think you can, and sometimes I wish I still thought like that. Because then I'd be less distressed about the whole deal, you know?

[Elijah3291]

oh yea, almost everyone thinks that you can get a completely normal penis, I wish they were right.

[Chamillion]

^ Oh man, isn't that the truth. I've had so many people tell me that I can get a fully functional penis and that whatever I've read that says I can't is wrong. Yeah okay bro, you know more about the surgeries available to trans men than someone who is actually trans.

[Britney_413]

This annoys me as well. The problem is that these people are basing gender on physical characteristics rather than the brain. An FTM is simply a man with a female body. You are not "becoming a man," you are a man and always were. You just did not have the matching components. I know some people who know of MTFs who have gotten SRS yet still refer to those women with male pronouns. One time I was with a friend who is a transwoman who has not had SRS but has had a BA and laser hair removal. Her parents kept referring to her as "son" and called her by her old male name. Yet these parents supposedly "accept" her "choice to be a woman." Bull$hit. I so wanted to say something.

More proof of the stupidity of this is that they assume that a penis is required to be a male. I can debunk this instantly with one simple example. A genetic male gets in a serious car, plane, or workplace accident causing him to lose his penis and testicals. The surgeons cannot do anything to resolve this other than leaving a hole there. You could call it a vagina. That doesn't mean he is now a woman. He is still very much a man.

[RAY]

I see we live in a conforming world yet those whom need to express their rights to be mtf, ftm, other genders have such hell to endure from society. it's never easy to be yourself when dealing with family,friends, co-workers, etc ... .

[bunny]

The majority are like little kids in their ignorance. Until the world understands things will be annoying.

[Fencesitter]

"That chick that wants to be a guy."
"Transguy? So you mean it's really a woman?"
"When you used to be a girl."
"You're not really a man."

I think we'll hear this over and over again in our life once we out ourselves or get outed, no matter how many hormones or surgeries. Some people just don't get it, not even on a rational level, no matter how often you try to explain it, and we remain freaks to them. Although it's really not difficult if you boil it down: female body, male mind/soul/identity... or vice versa. Just like you can be a German adopted at birth not looking German at all. Many people don't grasp that either.

One of the reasons why it's so is that being transsexual is still considered as a delusion, an identity disorder by the shrink "authorities" - the body is right, the mind is wrong. Now we all know that scientists are always right. Remember all the pseudo-scientific racist theories of the 20ieth century? And as long as this is the case, things won't improve much for us, people can always refer to having read in an article that a "specialist" knows better than we do. Whereas if we could show articles etc. where "authorities" say it's a male mind/... in a female body or vice versa, people would believe us more.

The only solution to this is empowerment and speaking out for ourselves more. Which is not easy if when you're out, your identity is not respected by quite a lot of people. It's a question of power relations. Maybe even this won't work until we get a paradigm shift. The body counts more than the mind when it comes to identity. Well... no... not even that, cause even people who pass 100% and got all the operations etc. still get this sh*t thrown at them. Must be some other paradigm.

Now about your mom, Silver, I think she is in a denial phase or something like this and tries to fool herself. She might not be ready to face the whole truth yet. Or did you not show her pictures of people before and after years of testosterone yet?

[Silver]

I think we'll hear this over and over again in our life once we out ourselves or get outed, no matter how many hormones or surgeries. Some people just don't get it, not even on a rational level, no matter how often you try to explain it, and we remain freaks to them. Although it's really not difficult if you boil it down: female body, male mind/soul/identity... or vice versa. Just like you can be a German adopted at birth not looking German at all. Many people don't grasp that either.

. . .

Now about your mom, Silver, I think she is in a denial phase or something like this and tries to fool herself. She might not be ready to face the whole truth yet. Or did you not show her pictures of people before and after years of testosterone yet?

What bothers me the most is that I cannot foresee not having to deal with it ever again. Not a huge deal, but irritating.

I don't think she will ever fully accept/understand, she grew up in a conservative family and how much she accepts me now is already a miracle. The rest, she just does not want to understand. If I explain, she will just instantly forget what I have said and it repeats so it is pointless. She doesn't seem interested in seeing photos of T results, but perhaps I'll try again.

Too bad people think it is the penis that makes the man. I read some about endocrinology and behavior at some point and the thing about humans that makes us special is that we have the ability to control our drives. Our minds are actually quite powerful and have the final say rather than our bodies, and therefore, should matter more such as in matters like this. People may think transition is unnatural or whatever but it is simply impossible to relate to them how unnatural it's felt for me these past years.

I'm going off on tangents, but it's what this board is for lol.

[Fencesitter]

What bothers me the most is that I cannot foresee not having to deal with it ever again. Not a huge deal, but irritating.

Yeah... hope things will get better here over time. At least we transition in the direction which does not make us too suspicious of doing it just out of a fetishist perversion running amok. I feel sorry for the hell the MTFs go through.

I don't think she will ever fully accept/understand, she grew up in a conservative family and how much she accepts me now is already a miracle. The rest, she just does not want to understand. If I explain, she will just instantly forget what I have said and it repeats so it is pointless. She doesn't seem interested in seeing photos of T results, but perhaps I'll try again.

You might try again one day. The fact that she does not want to see the photos is a good indication that it's just too much for her right now to swallow and that she can't deal with it at the moment.

Too bad people think it is the penis that makes the man.

Hmmm, penis  Er, what did you say? Well no, it's more the hormones  Plus lots of other things of course.

[Cindy]

I heard a ethicist argue on a serious show that if the person had not menstruated they could not be female. Hence not only dis-empowering  MtF but any female who had childhood cancer, cervical cancer, born without a uterus, born without functional ovaries, or any of heaps other conditions. How cruel. And he was a Professor of Ethics.
No doubt using that logic any one who has not produced sperm cannot be male. Sorry for the children born with deformed testes, those who got castrated in an accident, those who got cancer. And of course my brothers here.

Ignorance is bliss. Never understood why. Understanding is bliss, and acceptance is love.

Hang in Guys

Cindy

[Fencesitter]

I heard a ethicist argue on a serious show that if the person had not menstruated they could not be female. Hence not only dis-empowering  MtF but any female who had childhood cancer, cervical cancer, born without a uterus, born without functional ovaries, or any of heaps other conditions. How cruel. And he was a Professor of Ethics.

Wow, that's extreme. I'd suggest we should let women with an academic title decide if this guy's actually a man (see the power structure pattern here?). This might bring him into trouble anyway, as it's not the balls that make a man, it's the heart.

Oh, you forgot to add little girls in your list. None of them would be female either. So much about Professors of Ethics and medical knowledge...

[Cindy]

Sorry Fencesitter it was on a TG/TS gay lesbian forum show. So pre-menstrual people were left out, these people pain me.

Hugs

Cindy

[meh]

I hate when people call us "it".

[RAY]

Not only a dumb theory but this shows a lack of understanding that we humans are each a individual whom has certain traits that don't always follow a single path.I find this insulting and degrading to those females whom can't give birth because of not having the ability to do so. Are they less female? NO! This has me so mad what a bunch of narrow minded people. So those whom are transgender,transsexual, other genders are not female! that just me angry such dark age thinking still exists in the 21 th century. I just had to vent!

[Hurtfulsplash]

Someone mentioned kids being the most ignorant, well my sister who I thought was accepting of me now refuses to call me by my preferred name, and she wants to give her daughters the "talk" about TS, I'm worried about that now that I know her ideas of trans people are so warped. I hope they don't grow up to be as ignorant and "know it all" as her and turn into one of those people that belittle us with these comments.

[lisagurl]

I hate when people call us "it".

I would love to see all gender pronouns go away from English. It is not needed to define gender in most exchanges.

[Silver]

Someone mentioned kids being the most ignorant, well my sister who I thought was accepting of me now refuses to call me by my preferred name, and she wants to give her daughters the "talk" about TS, I'm worried about that now that I know her ideas of trans people are so warped. I hope they don't grow up to be as ignorant and "know it all" as her and turn into one of those people that belittle us with these comments.

Aw, good luck.

I would love to see all gender pronouns go away from English. It is not needed to define gender in most exchanges.

I would have loved that before I came out, still sounds like a good idea. Might decrease sexist biases as well, too bad it's so unlikely.