' You act one way around your family, you act another way around your friends, co-workers, and the strangers you meet on a daily basis, and you act another way when you are alone, don't you? Well, so does your wife. If you expect her to go along with this forever, you are an idiot. First of all, what she is going along with was a seed once.... now it is a large tree. One day, it will continue to grow into a tall oak. And she knows this. Maybe you, she, or both of you are in denial, but that does not last forever. It gives way to anger, pain, accusations, suffering, confrontation, and the deal.
The deal never works out... you have had a taste of it, what it is like out there, what it is like to be like, dress like, and have sex like a woman. But you have made a deal... you will stop or curb it, and she will be happy. Okay. Whatever. You cannot stop, and she will never be happy. I have no advice for you when it comes to your significant other. All I can tell you is that what you feel now always has and always will continue to become stronger over time, and that she eventually will not put up with it. Fool yourself, but do not fool me. Just remember I told you so.
But let's say your bell goes off... well, I will let the statistics speak for me. About 75% of marriages can withstand an affair, the odds seriously decrease when the one partner cheats with the same sex. But one out of a thousand or so marriages can withstand a transsexual partner--if that. I have seen them on television but I have never known one personally or heard about one from a friend who knew a friend type thing. It is unheard of, except on the Discovery Channel specials about the transgendered, and almost always involving people who have hit the age of retirement. Why retirement? Simple... At age 60 or 70 or so, what do they care? Sex is pretty much out of the question, perhaps no longer a part of their lives, but the relationship still exists. Who wants to start over, dating at age 65 and going on the hunt for the person who will see them through death? Parents are no longer alive, the question of work is mute, and no one really cares about a 70 year old man in a dress. But can it happen to you at age 40 or so? Sure, and you can win the lottery too. But be prepared for a miserable, dramatic, and heart-wrenching time dealing with this when it comes to your wife. And then, there is your family too. See, here is what you can expect when you tell your family... to your wife, your children, your mother and father, sister and brothers. It is treated exactly like a death, they all go through all the same emotional steps: surprise, shock, denial, anger, acceptance. At first, they will be stunned, and want to know if you have gone crazy. They will plan an intervention and make excuses for you, treat you as if you went insane, but you have finally convinced them... nope, I need to live the rest of my life as a woman. Then they become angry. They accuse you of misleading them, lying to them, and they become violently angry towards you. They ask questions like, "How could you do this to me?" and "What am I gonna tell my family/friends?" Ironic... They want to know how something you were born with is responsible to their happiness. Answer that one!
But the anger phase can often last forever. You will most likely never hear from any family ever again, that is just the odds at work. Why? Read a book or two. I can tell you but I would need a book or two, and you don't really want to know all that, do you? And what about your children? Well, I can throw more statistics at you if you like. Most children of a transsexual find out when they are teenagers. If they are going through puberty at age 14-17 or so, they never understand, fall into depression, blame you, nd hate you for "doing this to them". And think about it; how can you blame them? Here they are, going through puberty themselves, just now finding out and struggling with their own sexuality, sexual identity and feelings, and here you come telling them that their Dad is really a woman. You will hear from them again when they are about age 30, after they become parents themselves and want their own children to know their "grandmother" before she dies. You typically will be in your sixties, long past the glory days of satin corsets and spike heeled patent leather pumps. Children who find out beyond puberty, as young adults (18-24 or so) usually come around in about five years, they get over it quicker because they are in a better position mentally and sexually to deal with it to start with. The danger is hitting them during the sexually formative teen years when they are just learning the truth about their own sexuality... then, you throw them this curveball... their father is a woman. Ouch.
And then there are your friends. The friend thing is funny, but quite understandable in the end. You will lose all of them when you transition, just accept that. And think about it for a minute before you hit me. Yes, your friends are your friends. You became friends with them because you bonded and you bonded over things you have in common. Now, tell your beer buddies, your softball buddies, your hunting and fishing buddies, and your co-workers, that you are a woman. See what they do! Most simply freak out... They wonder, "Why was he interested in me? Was it a sex thing?"—and then they freak more. You will never hear from 90% of them again. The other 10% will stick around for the "curious" factor... they want to see you as a woman, see how you act, see how you look... they are just curious, and they will behave well at first, just like old times. They may even go out with you, to clubs, dinner, to see a band or have a drink... but eventually, nothing is the same.
If you think that you will transition and still be the same person, you have no idea of what you are doing. Go back to Start, rethink, and begin again. You are transitioning because you ARE different, and this is what makes all the difference to your friendships! What drew you together, what kept you together, is gone now. If you think you will still hunt and fish and play ball and chase women together, you are wrong... Talk to me a few months after you get on hormones and start wearing a skirt every day. You may still do these things from time to time, but they are no longer a way of life, a life you shared with other people. The bond is broken, and the friendship will dissolve, given time.
Some friends try their best. They go through the same sense of loss and ask the same questions and get just as angry as your wife, children, and family did. Then they come around, thinking to themselves, "Jeez, he lives as a woman but he is still the same person inside". True, sort of. But the mechanics and the dynamics of the relationship change, permanently and drastically. All T-girls experience it. A few friends stick around, out of curiosity and love, but eventually, one by one, they fade away too. It is inevitable, just realize it now, accept it, enjoy it while it lasts, and move on with your life.
But let's put things in a true perspective here. You see, when we all start out, we do in fact think stupid things like "my friends, family, and children, even the world, should understand! I am the same!" Hey, Sparky, no you're not.
If you are a real transsexual, you were born a woman. All you did after the childhood beatings and ridicule was designed to cover up the truth through exaggeration. You learned to become a man, to project the image of a man to the world. You were not though. It was, in fact, all a lie. Many of us do not fully understand this until well after we transition, but the truth is that they cannot possibly stick around afterwards, most of them, anyway. You are different, you did lie to them, it was all fake, you are a mystery to them, and you are a different person than the one they knew! Like idiots, we transition and expect them to understand. No, they won't understand. They will be confused, angry, sad, and sometimes furious with you. Sometimes a single lie can destroy a relationship... think about what 40+ years of lies will do to them... '
