Why did this happen?

[Iceprincess]

More information:

I came out to my mom when I was 14yrs old (April 2007), things went dramatic and she took me to a therapist. Things were going fine for me and I think I was close to start HRT, maybe even tell my dad about my condition, but my mom decided to take the situation on her hands and stopped taking me to see her, cut off my internet connection and did other things to stop me from transitioning early.

It seemed like fear worked well, until April 2010 (3 years later), when I decided to do something about my feeling thanks to a friend of mine who encouraged me to pursue my dreams (Thank you Grace!). I went to an LGBT support group and talked with their social worked, who sent me with a therapist (not the one I saw 3 years ago) who apparently had a lot of experience in the field. I had my first appointment during the first week of May 2010, and since then, I've had a session every 2 weeks with her.

You do the math

[glendagladwitch]

More information:

I came out to my mom when I was 14yrs old (April 2007), things went dramatic and she took me to a therapist. Things were going fine for me and I think I was close to start HRT, maybe even tell my dad about my condition, but my mom decided to take the situation on her hands and stopped taking me to see her, cut off my internet connection and did other things to stop me from transitioning early.

It seemed like fear worked well, until April 2010 (3 years later), when I decided to do something about my feeling thanks to a friend of mine who encouraged me to pursue my dreams (Thank you Grace!). I went to an LGBT support group and talked with their social worked, who sent me with a therapist (not the one I saw 3 years ago) who apparently had a lot of experience in the field. I had my first appointment during the first week of May 2010, and since then, I've had a session every 2 weeks with her.

You do the math

She only needs 3 months and 3 sessions to write your HRT letter.  You've done about 5 months and about ten sessions.  What's the hold up?

Does she not realize that you have an opportunity to get BONE GROWTH if you start now?

[Iceprincess]

She only needs 3 months and 3 sessions to write your HRT letter.  You've done about 5 months and about ten sessions.  What's the hold up?

Does she not realize that you have an opportunity to get BONE GROWTH if you start now?

Bone growth? Care to explain?

[glendagladwitch]

You know how women have narrower shoulders and wider hips?

Well, unless you were on anti androgens, your hormones probably made your shoulders grow already, and not your hips. 

But if you get on E before you miss your window, you can still get the hip growth.

Hardly anyone still gets bone growth after age 22, but you might be able to get some if you act quickly.  The ability to grow bones shuts off at different ages for different people, but its usually somewhere between age 17 and age 22, if I'm not mistaken.  So the clock is ticking.  I'd do about anything to be able to get bone growth, but I didn't start HRT until age 22 D: qq

[Iceprincess]

You know how women have narrower shoulders and wider hips?

Well, unless you were on anti androgens, your hormones probably made your shoulders grow already, and not your hips. 

But if you get on E before you miss your window, you can still get the hip growth.

Hardly anyone still gets bone growth after age 22, but you might be able to get some if you act quickly.  The ability to grow bones shuts off at different ages for different people, but its usually somewhere between age 17 and age 22, if I'm not mistaken.  So the clock is ticking.  I'd do about anything to be able to get bone growth, but I didn't start HRT until age 22 D: qq

...seriously?!?!?!? :|

I have a random question, I've heard it's impossible but there's still not much info about it apparently but, is it true that, in some cases, hormones CAN change the bone structure (but it takes a LONG time, around 15 years or something)?

But anyway... I really hope I can get HRT soon :/

I swear that if I can't get anything started before turning 19, I'm either forgetting all of this or I'll end up killing myself, and the way I see this, it could be the latter

I'm just so sick of being a guy...

[Janet_Girl]

Each of us must go down this road on our own terms, no one else's.  Yes some therapists hold to the SOC, but most see them as guidelines.

You must do what you have to for you, within the law.  And I think you realize what I mean.

[ggina]

is it true that, in some cases, hormones CAN change the bone structure (but it takes a LONG time, around 15 years or something)?

No But as glenda mentioned, up until 22 you can have some hip growth. After that, forget it.

I swear that if I can't get anything started before turning 19, I'm either forgetting all of this or I'll end up killing myself, and the way I see this, it could be the latter I'm just so sick of being a guy...

ahh, our drama queen has surfaced again Don't say you'll kill yourself, it's a serious topic (especially here) and you're not that kind anyway. We were also sick of being guys and yet we're still here. Go for the hormones, for the hip growth, push the damned beurocrats as hard as you can but don't say this.

You've gotta be strong. Getting the juice is just ONE obstacle during transition, there'll be others and you'll have to cope with them also.

g

[Iceprincess]

I didn't give any updates because nothing interesting has happened lately

So, a week ago I sent my dad an email with the following message:

Hey Dad,

I hope you're well. I'm writing because I feel I need to tell you something very important that has been affecting my life in negitive ways for a long time. The next time you come back to Guadalajara can you meet me for lunch or something as soon as possible please? I feel this is important enough to only see you in person for.

Thanks. Take care

Well, a few hours ago my dad called me, he said he read my email and he wanted to know what was about.

I told him that I had to tell him in person and that I couldn't do it over the phone. He asked why, I just told him I couldn't.

Then he asked "Can I know what's this all about?" and I told him that I just couldn't talk about this right now.

He asked me to call him tomorrow or as soon as I could x.x

I can't come out to him over the phone, it would just be bluntly stupid...

*sigh*

Maybe I could, but only if I plant it carefully :/

[Lacey Lynne]

Iceprincess, I did the whole live as a guy for 54 years.  Let me tell you that I wish I hadn't.  I became suicidal several times.  I got to the point that I just did not care about life.

Talk to your therapist and ask why do you have to wait.  College is a good time to begin, because most of them are very eclectic in nature.  It would not be a shock to the students.

Yes you may lose everything, but gain your whole life.

Ditto that here!  Exactly the same experience.  Started hormone replacement therapy 2 months and 2 weeks after turning 54.  Wasted darned near my whole life, but even at this late, great date, it's still very much worth it making the transition. 

Colleges these days are way, way more accepting and cool about things like these than they were in the 1960s and 1970s.  I must agree that college, these days, is probably the best place to transition. 

Keep the faith.  Be you.  Be happy.  We're cheering for you here at Susan's Place.   

[K8]

Iceprincess,

Tell your dad as soon as you can.  As I parent, if I received a call saying my child had a big issue she couldn't tell me over the phone, I would worry myself sick until I found out what it was.  Set up a time that you can talk to him face-to-face.  If that isn't possible, write an undramatic, simple letter that explains the rough outlines but doesn't go into details.  Let him ask for the details he wants to know.

Coming out to your parents can be very difficult, but you can do it.  Good luck, dear.

- Kate

[Izumi]

...seriously?!?!?!? :|

I have a random question, I've heard it's impossible but there's still not much info about it apparently but, is it true that, in some cases, hormones CAN change the bone structure (but it takes a LONG time, around 15 years or something)?

But anyway... I really hope I can get HRT soon :/

I swear that if I can't get anything started before turning 19, I'm either forgetting all of this or I'll end up killing myself, and the way I see this, it could be the latter

I'm just so sick of being a guy...

Hormones can effect bones if they are still growing, they cannot effect them if they have fully formed, also the female bone structure in general you will probably not get such as the pelvis which is setup for childbirth, however fat distribution makes up for a lot of it, bones aren't everything after all, and there are methods to effect appearance.  So the short answer, the younger you start the better on average.  Dont worry so much though, i started at 32 and turned out pretty good so far, so it has as much to do with how you take care of your body and genetics as well.

[Iceprincess]

Few updates:

I had my therapy session yesterday... My dr. didn't even read the email I sent to her...

She still wants me to wait 1 year, mentioning that "that's what the SOC says"... I'm not stupid, the SOC says 3 months AT LEAST. I know, YMMV but, I can't keep waiting for so long.

I'm going to see another psychologist: mom best friend's mom. Just as a 2nd opinion, see what she says and from there, take decisions.

I AM coming out to my dad, but in person. Not over the phone... unless you people have an idea of how to do it XD

[Sada]

bye

[Iceprincess]

Ok, I admit I went over the edge with the suicidal comment... so forget that xD

But yeah, that's what's going on atm...

[Sada]

bye

[glendagladwitch]

Few updates:

I had my therapy session yesterday... My dr. didn't even read the email I sent to her...

She still wants me to wait 1 year, mentioning that "that's what the SOC says"... I'm not stupid, the SOC says 3 months AT LEAST. I know, YMMV but, I can't keep waiting for so long.

I'm going to see another psychologist: mom best friend's mom. Just as a 2nd opinion, see what she says and from there, take decisions.

I AM coming out to my dad, but in person. Not over the phone... unless you people have an idea of how to do it XD

Oh yeah, you need to get a different therapist.  And I wouldn't go back to that place that referred you for anything.  There has to be a better place to get referrals.  I wouldn't waste time shopping around by going to therapsits.  Find one who prescribes HRT within 3 months and go to them.  If you can't seem to find one, PM me with your location and I'll see what I can find.

This really makes me MAD 

[Lacey Lynne]

@ Iceprincess:

Glendagladwitch and Sada above gave you great advice.  It sounds like you are really hurting inside.  I wish I could help but don't really know enough to do so.  PM glendagladwitch like she says.  I'm sure she can help you.  The sooner the better.  A truly professional and CARING therapist is really hard to find.  Referrals are the best way to find one.  PM people on here who can help you, because they CAN help, and they will.  My best to you.

@ Sada:

Good for you!  Yes, a good support group is great.  Wish I could find one myself.  To date, my contacts with the LGBT Community have just not gone well at all.  The T Community has generally been the best of the batch.  Guess it's just me.   

@ Glendagladwitch:

Glenda, you gave Iceprincess awesome advice.  Thanks for doing that.  Hey, this makes me mad too, really mad.  In the end, I've run into therapists hassles myself, and it miffs me to the max.  Know why?  Because, hassles are unnecessary.  If a therapists doesn't want to treat us or does not like us, all they have to do is simply say so, and we'll find somebody else, right?  Crazy.  I'll never understand it.  Again, guess it's just me.   

You've all given Iceprincess really good advice.  She needs the help.  Thanks for helping her. 

[Christine Snider]

Whoa this is sort of wierd. You are in the EXACT same situation as me! I started going in may 2010 to a well known gender identity therapist in the Washington DC area. I've been seeing her once per week since then. I went to a therapist when I was younger for similar reasons and my parents stopped taking me. I am in college and am tired of presenting my male self. This is sort of cool. 

As far as the waiting thing goes I think some doctors are  uncomfortable dealing with patients as young as us. It makes the uncomfortable to write a such a life changing letter for us. My therapist keeps telling me "it won't be years but it could be a year" which is very unsettling. I have been seeing her for 5 months now and the only thing I've been able to do with my transition is hair removal. I'm going to ask her if she is comfortable dealing with someone of my age and her opinion on a date for starting hormones/going full time. Honestly if she is uncomfortable with my age or plans on making me wait a year then I'm going to have to find a new doctor.

We just have to be tough and push for what we want. It's only a matter of time. 

[Izumi]

Few updates:

I had my therapy session yesterday... My dr. didn't even read the email I sent to her...

She still wants me to wait 1 year, mentioning that "that's what the SOC says"... I'm not stupid, the SOC says 3 months AT LEAST. I know, YMMV but, I can't keep waiting for so long.

I'm going to see another psychologist: mom best friend's mom. Just as a 2nd opinion, see what she says and from there, take decisions.

I AM coming out to my dad, but in person. Not over the phone... unless you people have an idea of how to do it XD

If you do come out to him my only suggestion is to not start with: "Dad I am/want to be a X" its too much of a shock unless you cool it down first.  I would say, that for a long time things have not made sense to you so you are seeing a therapist, if the therapist said your GID then its ok to say the therapist confirmed my suspicions.  Go and talk about your life since you were little to where you are now, thing they saw and things they didnt, its harder to deny when they have seen a pattern of strange actions by you your whole life even as a child.  Tell him everything up until the point then tell it to him this way.  So that leaves me with really two choices, to get therapy and live a happy life, or not and continue down the road to depression and possibly even death as I am already having suicidal thoughts.   Therapy does work, but involves extreme techniques.  You see, in order for me to live normally they have to change my outside body to match whats going on internally..... it inolves....

They might ask you why you waited so long, you lived as a man this long why not live longer? Simple answer is, just because you have cancer doesnt mean you have to treat it, people have their reasons for postponing treatment, wanting to try other methods to overcome it, after trying those methods all the roads being exhausted the final choice has to be made... the time when i lived as a man, that was the time i was fighting, but nothing helped, this is the only choice, because like cancer this can kill me.

Stuff like that... its truth, but also has some sense of understanding... its hard for people to relate so with my dad i gave the example:
Imagine if you were in a war and Mr. Johnson took a bullet and was MIA for future engagements... You would still feel like a man wouldnt you? but you would feel less of one without it... well now you can imagine how i feel, where nothing in my body is right, just imagine how you would feel waking up every morning and coming to the realization that your a man with a tool so to speak, after a while it would get to you .... etc. etc...

[ggina]

If a therapists doesn't want to treat us or does not like us, all they have to do is simply say so, and we'll find somebody else, right?  Crazy.  I'll never understand it.

hmm, maybe they want to take some kind of revenge or something? I know it sounds stupid but if they don't like someone (for whatever reason), the best possible thing to do is to torture them... yeah it seems you have to leave that doc for good.

g