I pass.

[kesenaie]

Hi people,
So I'm still not sure wether I'm transgender, but when reading all your messages I see that most of you felt upset when you were young and forced to be a girly girl or well, manly guy :p or have bad dysphoria, but I don't though whenever I think of myself I see myself as a guy and not a girl. Anyway, sorry for rambling :p

I pass everywhere I go, even if my voice is kind of high and all I did was cut my hair short
So I made a little list just for fun...
- On an exchange my friends (all girls) were going to some free toilet and I wanted to go in the ladies room and a guy stopped me from going in lol, but then he saw and we had a bit of a laugh
- Got in a fight (stupid overreacting people :x), people thought a boy got beat up and the people at school who were helping me thought I was a boy...
- Everyone I don't know at school thinks I'm a guy and there's around 1700 people there now. But that's only the lower forms cause everyone in the same year as me knows me already ^^
- Mailman went "here's your package dude bai!"

Also my friend randomly asked me on the toilets (perfect place for deep convs lol, in the smell of pee...) wether I wanted to be a boy instead of a girl so I said maybe and she asked wether I was going to get surgery but I don't think I'm going to go all the way... but I think she knows and she yelled at my friends to tell them I wanted to be a boy but people were like "okay" and nothing's really changed. My friend does make endless jokes about me being all manly, lol

Well I'm kinda wondering wether I really am transgender since the thought of srs surgery just puts me off (because it's 'made' by someone else and it might hurt for ever and not even work properly) and I don't have dysphoria (If I am saying it right :O?) and I don't really get depressed but maybe it's cause I don't really get bothered by things for long...
urr, thanks for reading

[Aegir]

You seem young from what you've told us, and it can be hard to decide as a young person whether you really want to be the other sex, or if you're just curious, or perhaps if you'd prefer to belong to neither and present as androgynous (both male and female). What it comes down to is how you feel and what you want to look like, how you want other people to see you. Maybe later, also in how you want to express your desire for others.

We can't really tell you whether or not you're "actually transgendered", because that's something inside you. ^^ Dysphoria with your body isn't necessarily always as intense as some of us describe, and not wanting to have surgery or not being able to get surgery doesn't make you any less of a man/woman/androgyne.

[notyouraverageguy]

I agree with Aegir, you don't have to have bad dysphoria or have to go on T or have to want surgery to be transgender. Its an umbrella term and there are many different types of people that don't fit into the "correct" gender role they were born into.
Id say get a counselor, advisor, therapist and talk it out with someone professional who can diagnose you. You do sound young so you have time to figure things out.

[kesenaie]

Yes, but I still feel kind of guilty when people here sound so upset and hurt with what they have and have to go through, and I don't have anything like that

[Aegir]

Yes, but I still feel kind of guilty when people here sound so upset and hurt with what they have and have to go through, and I don't have anything like that

Don't feel guilty, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not having gender dysphoria. In fact, it's normal not to ^^

Everyone's life is unique and has it's own unique challenges to overcome. Some of us worry about fitting in too much, some of us are shy, some of us have gender dysphoria. Don't worry, live your life ^^

[Devyn]

Well, I enjoy being somewhat girly. I never minded being a little girly when I was younger. However, I still love to be masculine.

Anyway, I'm jealous that you don't have gender dysphoria. I've have it severely. You should consider yourself lucky rather than guilty that you don't have it as bad as I do or as bad as a lot of the guys here.

[kesenaie]

I see my body just as a thing to carry the real me You are only what you think you are imo. A body is always changing and growing, so if I think of doing surgery, my parts are just temporary until I find fitting parts, so to speak! aha that kind of sounded wrong :x I wish I could cheer up people

I don't really want to talk to a psychiatrist, I don't trust people like that easily and it's already hard enough for me to tell people how I feel clearly, I have lots of trouble expressing myself Plus I can't afford it (I want to pay myself, not let my parents do it).

[Devyn]

I see my body just as a thing to carry the real me You are only what you think you are imo. A body is always changing and growing, so if I think of doing surgery, my parts are just temporary until I find fitting parts, so to speak! aha that kind of sounded wrong :x I wish I could cheer up people

I don't really want to talk to a psychiatrist, I don't trust people like that easily and it's already hard enough for me to tell people how I feel clearly, I have lots of trouble expressing myself Plus I can't afford it (I want to pay myself, not let my parents do it).

I can agree with that second half about talking to a psychiatrist. I'm supposed to be getting one soon, but I have trust issues and I also find it difficult to talk about how I feel.

[Aegir]

I'm scared to get a shrink mostly because of my living situation- I'm married to one of them army type guys, and the army kindof...

I am not sure how they'd handle this or if they'd try to annul our marriage or kick him out for homosexuality or just drop all my benefits or what

[kesenaie]

Hehe I passed again at school xD Even though I used the girl's toilet hehe.
"did that dude just walk out of the girls toilet?!" and then they laughed xD

And I was buying a gift for someone and wanted to wrap it.. never did it before at the store though, so someone went to help me but then left to help other customers and she went "hey can you help the guy with wrapping?" ^^

also, I am going to Uni next year The university I want to go to also has one of the three university hospitals here that offer gender therapists and gender teams

[Mark]

Keep in mind you can be transgendered without being a transsexual.

And just because you like feminine things doesnt mean your a women. You're male if you feel like you're a male, not by what you like. Even myself, i consider to be a rather masculine ftm, but i still enjoy my chick flicks and taylor swift =]

[Fencesitter]

Dear kesenaie,

don't feel guilty for not having gender dysphoria! It's okay if you don't have this sh*t, and I don't wish this to my worst enemies. I am happy for anybody who is not really cis but gets along with things the way they are. That's absolutely okay.

Do you have any body dysphoria, like feeling your body as it is is the wrong sex, things are wrong with your body? And getting p*ssed off by the clues of this? I cannot describe it that well, but here's a great description from an MTFs perspective:
http://www.questioningtransphobia.com/?p=2994

I don't know if you're transsexual, transgender, genderqueer, ... or just ... flexible, open-minded or experimenting. You might also be transsexual, but not suffer much or at all from the mismatch. This exists, and these people usually don't transition as it would cost them more than bring benefits. Whatever you are, go on experimenting, feel free, take care to be safe as well while you do this, and just wait how things will be going in the future. Don't rush into transition as long as you're not sure it's the only way for you to go.

Oh, and I'm absolutely fine with you being on this board.

You might check out the androgyne forum in this board to read other people's experiences and see if you're more transgendered or more in-between.

[kesenaie]

Heh, I hate many girly things. My mom asks if I can wear some girly clothing sometimes but then I say I don't like them. When I just look at them I can't imagine me in them and it just makes me feel disgusted at women in general. I once got a panic attack when I was at a store and walked up the stores to look for some clothes, it was the women only floor. It was really weird, normally I never have this and I don't have problems walking around any section... so it was just weird and I left real quick. xD

I don't like dresses etc, chick flicks are kind of boring to me.

What do you mean with being transgendered without being transsexual? Don't you always feel like you're stuck in the wrong body? Wouldn't it be logical to fix what you think is wrong about your body? Also I looked at the site and I agree with these points

# in boys, preference for cross-dressing or simulating female attire; in girls, insistence on wearing only stereotypical masculine clothing
# strong and persistent preferences for cross-sex roles in make-believe play or persistent fantasies of being the other sex
# intense desire to participate in the stereotypical games and pastimes of the other sex
# strong preference for playmates of the other sex

I've always found guys more fun to hang around with, I've only got some girl friends now but I sometimes feel bored or... just not feel interested sometimes. Acting like a guy makes me feel much more confident No matter if people giggle wondering if I'm a guy or a girl. I always play guys in games too and people never know I'm a girl unless I tell them

Do you have any body dysphoria, like feeling your body as it is is the wrong sex, things are wrong with your body? And getting p*ssed off by the clues of this? I cannot describe it that well, but here's a great description from an MTFs perspective:

I don't feel pain because of that, I just feel really uncomfortable. I feel like people are hunting me down and finding out I'm really not a guy sometimes but at times I don't really care. It just seems to swing around a bit.

[Silver]

You might be masculine, but that doesn't make you a male. Just throwing that out there, just like there are effeminate FTMs there are butch women who are not suited to transitioning because they do not have a male identity.

[kesenaie]

What is your definition of a male identity then?

I feel like a male and when I do I feel confident, in my thoughts and dreams I am a male... I'm incapable of thinking of myself as a woman for some reason. It doesn't make me feel angry towards myself. It's just not there, like it's someone who doesn't exist.

Also I'm not lesbian. Not sure what a dyke/butch is but on wikipedia it doesn't sound like how I feel.

[Silver]

I would think someone with a male identity thinks of himself as male. And well, it seems like you do. Not doubting you, it's just that some people might think "I like sports, I must be a guy." That would be bad.

Cool that you're passing. Good that you don't have body dysphoria, that's hell. Not the worst thing of course, but it's very unpleasant.

[kesenaie]

"I like sports, I must be a guy."

Hehe ^^ But not all guys like sports xD

[Silver]

Exactly.

[kesenaie]

So today I went to look for a jacket with a friend of mine.. came across a jacket that was too big even as an S. Wish I was bigger ... but we still had a laugh about it. I looked so huge with tiny legs lol.

[notyouraverageguy]

So today I went to look for a jacket with a friend of mine.. came across a jacket that was too big even as an S. Wish I was bigger ... but we still had a laugh about it. I looked so huge with tiny legs lol.

That's how some jackets/shirts fit me cause im small.
:/