So we had a small little family get together to celebrate my grandmas birthday. I normally love it when her side of the family come over as we hardly get to see them and they are really nice people but today I felt really uncomfortable. I felt quite down because I hated the way I looked. I just wanted to be a guy and I looked like a strange girl who looked a little boyish. Normally I am nervous when partys start but I tend to cheer up and get more comfortable as the night goes on but it just wasnt happening. I got really scared and I couldnt stand being around people. I had to leave and go for a walk to feel normal again. When I got back my mums friend was being really nice to me and I knew instantly my mum had been talking about me. Her friend (who i will refer to as friend A) is really bad at being subtle. She kept saying "take your hat off your hair looks really cool. Well done for doing it and dont listen to what your sister says". I knew that my mum had gone to her friend and told her I was upset because my sister would probably bully me over my hair cut. So I was a little pissed off and was trying to convince people I was wearing a hat because funnily enough I like my hat and its not there to cover up my hair. I didnt think much about it until friend B started saying something similar. She started to compliment my hair and told me to take my hat off. My sisters boyfriend said, as a joke "if you keep wearing it you might go bald." to which friend B replied rather defensively "No she wont. Men go bald, not women" then it hit me. Ok I could be paranoid over that last statement but it got me thinking. If my sister were to "bully" me it would be because I looked like a boy. Friend B then trying to say I wouldnt go bald becase I am a woman made me think that my mum will have told them that I am worried about looking like a boy and thats why i'm nervous today with my new hair. A few years ago when I was about 14 I told my mum I was upset because people at school took the piss out of me for looking like a boy. Part of me enjoyed it but at that age there is a lot of pressure to have a boy/girlfriend and as I liked boys I wanted to appear feminine so boys would fancy me. So obviously that has stuck in my mums head and she still believes I get upset over it when in fact I love it when people mistake me for a boy. So all day they have tried to make me feel more like a girl and its made me more and more depressed. Its almost amusing but i'm starting to get anoyed and I really wanna say "actually mum i'm glad people think I have a penis"
