How are you so brave?

[pebbles]

Please don't become that person.

You know who I'm going to turn into before I do?! O.o
Magic... Anywho I don't intend to turn into that person,
Okay I give you my word I will keep my eye out on my development to make sure I don't start doing that

Although if I'm not hard on myself I don't think I will make it and if I fall short I will blame myself forever for not trying hard enough.

[Ayaname]

Actually I disagree,,,How can one have a false sense of pride having overcome obstacles? I am again reminded of a quote a friend of mine said to me once, "Success in life is not measured by what you achieve but by what you have overcome" I demand perfection in myself and all I do. I am very critical and hard on myself, always pushing myself to be a better person in all aspects of my life. And I dont resent others. I have my own backyaRD to be concerned with.

NO no no no, you dont know me. I am the one who is always trying to help others see a better path in their life, if there is one. I have helped crackheads get clean,,,,and my current bf is a genuine penitentiary MF....meaning that he has been in and out of prison his whole life,,,,his longest bid was 10 years in Nevada...anyways he was one of those that would be rel;eased from prison and would not report to his parole officer,,,well 3 weeks after he would get released, that PAL (parolee at large) warranrt would go out and sonce all the cops know him it wouldnt be  a week before he would be back,,on a violation...he NEVER once reported to his parole,,,until I come ionto the picture...I told him the last time he was in jail (over a year ago) that he WAS going to report when he got out, he said, "like hell" and so i told him then we go our seperate ways,,,he reported and has done everything his parole officer has asked of him.....He now walks around without all that paranoia...AND he gets off parole next month......he would never have done it without me helping to motivate him.......I dont get jealous of what others have but instead get my own,,,,,it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round... the ONLY two things I hate are as follows:

1. People who are prejudice and let it show
2. Ignorance

I was talking about the type of person who is unnecessarily cruel to themselves for the sake of motivation. If that's not you then don't worry about it. Just expecting yourself to be the best you can be and pushing yourself to achieve those goals is very different than the means of going about it, which was what I was basing my point on.

You know who I'm going to turn into before I do?! O.o
Magic... Anywho I don't intend to turn into that person,
Okay I give you my word I will keep my eye out on my development to make sure I don't.

Please don't react rudely when I'm only giving a general scenario and showing my concerns about it. I never assumed that I know you or what kind of person you are. I matched an attitude with a potential result and offered a line of reasoning. If I thought without a shadow of a doubt that I was describing you as a person then what purpose would there be in pleading with you or even mentioning any of this to begin with? When someone has built their entire sense of self worth on a vice the only thing that can turn them around is their own ability to admit to themselves something which their vice was made to protect themselves against in the first place. At that point it's more about overcoming fear than it is about having insight on the problem.
When I start assuming peoples' character flaws is when I stop offering insight.

[Myself]

This is directed at everyone/anyone who would like to answer. I'm utterly terrified about not passing. Terrified about getting judged. Though I am already "out", for the most part; my hair is girly, my figure has changed from hormones, my skin has softened, I am still terrified, so I only go out part time. I'm even so scared that I am afraid to post a picture of myself on here.

How do you get over these feelings? I seem to be soooo critical of myself, that I shoot myself down from even the most confident of moods. So again, any suggestions on how I can conquer these feelings?

We all start terrified, we all change and one day we find that we are the only people seeing the wrong, bad part of us and even people who don't know us and see us for the first time undoubtedly and unquestionably see the true us, even if we don't try. Because the ghost stays with us only, but the body itself changes.

[azSam]

Thank you everyone for your wonderful posts. All of your stories and various wisdom's have encouraged me, and I hope that others have come into this thread and found the same encouragement as I have. Again, thank you very much.

[becky007]

I am not brave. For many years in the past. If I went out dressed - rarely - it always felt like a disguise. A disguise that may not work - a failure. I would try too hard - too much makeup - too slutty. So many years of testosterone and exercise made pulling it off - unlikely. Guy's in certain places liked it - Great Legs. But I'm sure these guys liked boys - and boy legs. Or at the very least girl athletes. My fear was being caught out pumping gas. By a bunch if cowboys. Getting beat up by cowboys - cause of being a ->-bleeped-<- sissy - doesn't seem like it would be fun. But now in life - in a strange way - and because of HRT -- I don't know if I can pass as a man. I have to go out. For groceries if nothing else.
Being tall. At 14 I had one girlfriend that was really tall. Tall and thin. My neck ached to look up to her - hugging. This was 74'- she was the tallest girl in school. I have a model I use that is 5'10" and very thin - but healthy and fit thin. Small chested - but so feminine. Most fashion models are tall. I think the main thing - about being really femme and being tall - is weight. If you're tall and a real bruiser - hard to be femme.

[Lacey Lynne]

When I first started my transition I was horrified at the thought of going full time for the exact reason you mentioned. But then I discovered I could no longer wait. I had to do it! March of this year I went full time and don't regret it one bit.  I am passing more often than I used to but I am under no delusion I totally pass as a female in my presentation. I found out it didn't matter as much as I had thought to me. I need to live my life! And that is exactly what I am doing!

@ Dana Lane:

Dana, yes, exactly!  That's the way I feel too!  Starting Halloween Night, I'm going full-time.

@ Everybody:

Hey, thanks so much!  Most of these posts are most encouraging.  Susan's Place rocks, and I'm very fond of it.  Hope you are too.  I find this to be a very effective and encouraing support group albeit a virtual one.  Thanks again ...       ...   Lacey

[tgirljuliewilson]

One of the ways to make it easy--or, at least, easier--is to choose a place that is forgiving to the TG community.  In my case, it was Hamburger Mary's in San Diego....I knew I could go in there, dressed and made up to the best of my abilites, and be OK with everyone there--a great confidence booster.

The following year was the big test: going for a walk on the beach in La Jolla in a one-piece suit, with and without a denim skirt...

To be accepted, or at least not openly mocked, in public as a woman was the opening to a whole new world, and it just kept getting better after that....

It can for you, too---and yes, being confident in the sexuality you are presenting yourself to be is more than half the battle.

[Melody Maia]

Went out for the first time dressed today. Just to my therapist, but still big for me. I wasn't really flashy, just a cowl neck blouse, black capris and heeled mary-janes with earrings. Wife kind of tousled my short hair with the hair dryer to give me quite a different look and tiny bit of eye makeup. Nothing else. It was a little nerve-wracking driving out of my sub-division, but after that I was amazed how calm I was. Some anxiety, but nothing crippling. Walked from the parking garage to the elevator, was seen by a few people, but no one seemed to give me two looks or stare. I am quite sure I didn't really pass, but still didn't get a lot of reaction. I don't think I am ready for this yet until I am more generally out in my neighborhood, but now I know I can do it.

[Colleen Ireland]

WTG, Girl!  I've been advised it's best to be in a different town when you first start going out, I think that's good advice.  I'm lucky, there are a few middle-sized towns and cities nearby, and a big city (Toronto) not far away, either.  Week after next, I'll be riding the train and subway into Toronto (for my Gender Journeys workshop) dressed, once a week for 11 weeks!  I expect to get an education...

[Melody Maia]

WTG, Girl!  I've been advised it's best to be in a different town when you first start going out, I think that's good advice.  I'm lucky, there are a few middle-sized towns and cities nearby, and a big city (Toronto) not far away, either.  Week after next, I'll be riding the train and subway into Toronto (for my Gender Journeys workshop) dressed, once a week for 11 weeks!  I expect to get an education...

I drive into Houston for my therapy, but getting out of my neighborhood is what makes me nervous. It is like a small town in a big city. I know as soon as I come out, I will be the topic of local gossip. I'm just too well known to fly under the radar. But as soon as it is done, it will be done everywhere. I am nervous about how life will change for us here.

[K8]

I drive into Houston for my therapy, but getting out of my neighborhood is what makes me nervous. It is like a small town in a big city. I know as soon as I come out, I will be the topic of local gossip. I'm just too well known to fly under the radar. But as soon as it is done, it will be done everywhere. I am nervous about how life will change for us here.

I live in a medium-small town and am well known.  That made it hard to gather the courage to come out, but I think in the long run it made it easier for me because once I made the big step - started RLE - I could no longer hide, even from myself.  I had talked to all of my friends, so I had support if I needed it, but once I went public I was really out.  And as others have noted, it was a much bigger deal to me than it was to anyone else.

It's just that first hurdle that can be so hard.  But life can be so much better on the other side.

- Kate

[Melody Maia]

I live in a medium-small town and am well known.  That made it hard to gather the courage to come out, but I think in the long run it made it easier for me because once I made the big step - started RLE - I could no longer hide, even from myself.  I had talked to all of my friends, so I had support if I needed it, but once I went public I was really out.  And as others have noted, it was a much bigger deal to me than it was to anyone else.

It's just that first hurdle that can be so hard.  But life can be so much better on the other side.

- Kate

I hope you are right Kate. I spoke with my pastor today at lunch and we were talking about our little subdivision. It is basically one of those perfect little Stepford master-planned communities of about 5000 homes isolated from the world. We have our own ball fields, swimming pools, schools and even a stable. Upside is that people here are from all over the country. Downside is that they come here to have a perfect little existence away from the "bad" elements. Very conservative. My son's school doesn't even have one set of gay parents. My pastor said he wouldn't want to transition here. I am inclined to agree, but I am hoping we are just underestimating the residents here. People have surprised me with their accepting nature, so it would be great if that continues.

[JennX]

This is directed at everyone/anyone who would like to answer. I'm utterly terrified about not passing. Terrified about getting judged. Though I am already "out", for the most part; my hair is girly, my figure has changed from hormones, my skin has softened, I am still terrified, so I only go out part time. I'm even so scared that I am afraid to post a picture of myself on here.

How do you get over these feelings? I seem to be soooo critical of myself, that I shoot myself down from even the most confident of moods. So again, any suggestions on how I can conquer these feelings?

Honestly, in a nutshell, no. I never did really. I've been dressing and presenting as a female in public since around age 16, just after I got my drivers license. I was just so happy to be able to do what I knew made me feel happy, content, and correct. Probably for the first few years, passing or really trying to get every little detail right was the last thing on my mind. I was just so dam happy to be me, I could care less about what others thought. Now looking back on things I'm sure I could've used some help, but hey in the end you have to live with yourself, so do what feels right for you. I never experienced the fear and anxiety some associate with going out dressed, I was always looked forward to when I could go out dressed. Happy times for sure. I never lived in fear, anxiety or terror of it. Quite the opposite emotions for me.

As to how to conquer your fear, my best advice is to just DO IT! Get out there. You're allowed. You're not hurting anyone, and it should get easier with time. Pick out a nice outfit, get a decent wig if need be, and get out there. Even if you just drive around town the first few times, to get the hang of everything. Nothing to be scared of really. It's just life.