Can't even imagine how to come out.

[Fie]

All my life i've known I'm not straight. I went through phases of thinking I was bi, then poly and not finally i've come back to the idea that at heart I truely am male. I've always hated girls clothes and I remember when I was younger not understanding why I could go to the bathroom standing up, or take off my shirt on hot days. In my eyes I was a little boy when I was small. Then it stopped for awhile, but of course it then came back, and then back untill finally I knew I wasn't comfortable being a girl. I want top surgery, I have large breasts that make binding incredibly irritating and ontop of that I hate my breasts and always have. But in order to have top surgery my parents would have to know about me, and i'm scared ->-bleeped-<-less to tell them.

I feel more comfortable about telling my mom then my dad but I have no idea how I would even do it, or how to go about it. I think when the time comes I want to tell my mom first cause I think she'll support me and then If I tell my dad and he freaks out, my mom might be able to calm him down, as opposed tot elling them at the same time and having them possibly feed off of one anothers discomfort. I dunno, has anyone here told their dad? How was the reaction? My dad's fairly intollerant of others so I don't know if he'd accept me... My mom had a lesbian best friend when she was younger and I think is more accepting. Noth my parents accept my friends (whom 90% of are GBLT) and never make any rude comments or treat them differently, but I think it would be different if it was their own daughter (son.)

Any help is welcome, please.

[Bagheera]

You're in a difficult position right now and there isn't any easy way out. Going by what you said, seems you have a slight idea of how your parents may react to you coming out as trans. Something else you should consider before coming out is whether you're financially dependent on them. If you are, then you might want to wait a while. (At least, that's one reason why I haven't come out to them yet.)

Another thing that might help is to see a therapist first. Maybe he/she could help you deal with any dysphoria and give coming out advice or even have a session with your parents to explain the situation. Having a professional opinion might help them deal with it. If you can't go to a gender therapist or a regular psych, maybe try a school counselor first?

Sorry I can't lend much advice, but a lot of other guys and gals here sure can. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

[cynthialee]

If you have to rely on the parents for a home or other suport then I would wait if you fear a bad reaction.

If you do not have to worry about lose of resourses or shelter go for it.

[kyril]

Have you told any friends, siblings, or a therapist? One of those might be a good place to start - having support is really important. And a few good reactions, especially coming from people who aren't GLBT themselves, can give you some confidence which helps a lot when coming out to parents.

[lilacwoman]

[quote author=Fie accepting. Noth my parents accept my friends (whom 90% of are GBLT) and never make any rude comments or treat them differently, but I think it would be different if it was their own daughter (son.)

Any help is welcome, please.
[/quote]

while ever you're bottling up all your thoughts you will get nowhere so you really need to talk to your parents or ask them to arrange a meeting with a therapist or counsellor.
It has to be done unfortunately as it's all part of not being normal.

[spacial]

Fie.

Just a thought. I don't know your age, but could you simply get top surgery and justify it by telling them your breasts irritate you enormously?

This has the advantage of being the truth.

The top surgery could simply be a reduction process. Or, if you have a decent relationship with your Dr. almost all of it.

Then you can gradually introduce things to them. You could wear a binder. You can dress in your preferred way.

As i say, just a thought. Sometimes a gradual approach works better.

[Fie]

Fie.

Just a thought. I don't know your age, but could you simply get top surgery and justify it by telling them your breasts irritate you enormously?

This has the advantage of being the truth.

The top surgery could simply be a reduction process. Or, if you have a decent relationship with your Dr. almost all of it.

Then you can gradually introduce things to them. You could wear a binder. You can dress in your preferred way.

As i say, just a thought. Sometimes a gradual approach works better.

Well I scar very easy as it is, so I do not want to have more than one surgery on my chest. I want that one surgery to completly take them off, I don't want to end up with more scars that nessisairy =/
So anyways I've already told my best friend and last night I went out to dinner with my mom and talked lightly about GLBT throughout dinner. Then finally I asked (in a light kind of way) if my mom would hate me If I wasn't straight and my mom responded with "Of course not! We love you!" So i'm feeling pretty good =)
I do depend on my parents for home and money but I can't behave in any way like a male around them if they don't know why. My mom likes my hair long, she likes to try and pick out my clothes and always comment on whther or not she likes them, and if she doesn't like them she tries to take me shopping, and binding is not the best option for me, as i'm mentioned =/
I'm thinking of next time coming to her an saying that I want to see a Gender Therapist because i'm unsure of my sexual orientation (even though I do know) in order to a) present the possibility to her and b) to gain acess to a therapist.
In doing it in this type of format I believe my mom could then (inadvertently) ease my dad into the idea that I'm not straight.
And then when the time comes, with the help of my therapist, I could tell my parents.

[spacial]

Good for you Fie.

You've made a decision. That's what counts.

It's your life, if some people think they can control any part of it, then they are mistaken.