Brenda,
That's GREAT! I am so happy for you. I feel your joy...I outed myself to my wife 3 weeks ago. I have been married to the Love of my life for 5+ years. My love for this girl is unparallel to anything I have ever experienced in 51 yrs of living. All this said, I never told her I cross dressed. The usual reasons. At first I didn't want to scare her off, and then after we became really close I was afraid I'd lose her, embarrassed for myself, afraid it would ruin my career, excuse after excuse. After we got married, I believed I could keep my urges to minimum. Until recently I have been very successful. Virtually since 17 yrs old, I have lived with someone (roommate, girlfriend, daughter) and have never been caught. (Though I had numerous close calls) Over the years since our marriage I have been dropping what I thought were pretty good clues as to what was going on. I had hoped she would eventually engage me into a conversation where I might have an opportunity to bring it out. I had grown so weary of hiding it over the years. About 5 months ago, the reaper got his revenge in spades. I started one of my usual 3 times a year cycles (dress-purge) except this time it wouldn't end. Instead it just kept growing with intensity to the point I really felt I was losing control of myself. As you could imagine it was starting to put a strain on our relationship. Lisa one day asked me what was going on. We have an open loving relationship and that night in our room I tried to explain. I told her I had a problem I was having trouble dealing with. When she asked what it was, I froze. I did managed to tell her it was sexual in nature and very very personal. I had hoped all these years of dropping hints would pay off. They didn't...In the end we ended up agreeing we would stretch our sexual boundaries and do a little experimenting. We did. Just not in the direction I had hoped it would to go. A couple of months later we got into this huge fight over what was basically a non-event. This really confused me, so I went outside to chill hoping to make sense of it all. I then realized it was nearing time for Lisa to go to work and I did not want her to go to work upset,(she's an ER nurse and that's stressful enough) so I went back into the room to tell her I loved her, and what ever the problem between us was, it could easily wait till tomorrow. As our eyes met instead seeing her beautiful green eyes, I saw eyes swollen and black with pain and confusion. I felt like I was punched right between the eyes. Ladies and gentlemen, it was at that moment I knew what I HAD to do. While she was at work I went upstairs and laid my soul with ink. I put he 3 or 4 pages of what I knew was going to be the most defining moment in my life, where she couldn't miss it and returned into my room and cried like a baby. Not for myself but for all the pain I unwittingly put her and everyone else through over the years. After she came home I gave her time to read and digest what I had told her, before going downstairs. I had already told our daughter before putting her to bed I might be gone in the morning, but I loved her and would be nearby. I walked in the room expecting the worse. But I was OK with that. It was out, done, finished, the lying and hiding was over. I wasn't going to be the cause of anymore pain. During the first 5 minutes there was silence, nothing was said. When she broke her trance the first thing said was, "Are you trying to tell me what I think your trying to tell me" Gals it was clear. 2-3 pages dealt exclusively with my cross-dressing. I couldn't believe how shocked she was about the cross-dressing. It was so obvious to me!!!! A few days later she told me, it was about the only thing that NEVER occurred to her while trying to figure out what was wrong. Don't get me wrong. This girl is the smartest person I know, she's amazing. Outwardly I'm 5'11 muscular, 30yr Paramedic Captain, ran my own construction company for years, avid Harley rider, mountain climber, swimmer, boater, ex boxer etc along with 41 years of experience hiding, pink panties and a bra while in 5" heels just wasn't something she ever envisioned me in. Go figure! ANYWAY....we then went upstairs to the bedroom, I pulled out my stash from its hiding place in front her...Revealing my hiding place I think was the hardest. I had just giving up my last secret. With the box unopened in front of us we just talked. By the time we went to sleep, many hours later, she was in my arms and I was in my fav panty/bra set. Since then she has brought me/us to places I never dreamed possible. Brenda like you, with all the walls are gone, our love has been redefined in so many new and exciting ways it impossible to count.
"I'M FREE ATLAST" @ 51, what a horrible journey.
Thank you all ever so much for listening. It has been cathartic. I'm now like a kid in a candy store, tasting all the candies, looking for that special treat. Gone are all the demons that kept me awake for so many years. However I am now challenged with a whole new set of questions and concerns. I found this during my search. I am impressed by the warmth and concerns I've felt while reading some of the posts. Lisa and I are humbled to be here. Although we don't know the path, we do know where ever it leads we will travel it together. Thank you again. We look forward to developing many new friendships within my community that I have shunned for so many years.
May my story inspire another souls to seek their freedom,
tvg
