Androgynes: For or Against Fruitcake

[Kendall]

The Dilemma:
In the topic "Gifts for Androgynes" https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,8356.0.html it has come to my attention that we need to address a vital dilemma. Either Fruitcake is a acceptable and tolerant gift that is eadible and sometimes good, or is it a cursed spawn of satan that plagues the very fiber of society and humanity itself.

Some people believe that there is only one true "Fruitcake", one that travels from house to house visiting the entire population of earth. A single gift given to all of humanity, much like Santa Claus, only appears around Christmas holidays, only to disappear and reappear mysteriously the next year.



Fruitcake: A Spawn from Hell

I am sure the philosophers Laurie and Tinkerbell would agree with such claim and even bring up some credible evidence.

Chunk, Chunk, Chunk...did you ever wonder why some families have been passing the same fruitcake around for the last 40 years?  Be careful opening that present from Aunt Mabel, remember, we dumped the fruitcake on her last year!!!

OK, I admit that I have tasted some very good fruitcakes, but those are few and far between.  There is a very good reason why not liking fruitcake is an American Cliche'...it is because so many of them weigh 50 pounds a slice and taste like fishing-worm dirt and old tires.

Laurie

Is it?  the perfect gift, I mean?  oh good, I have one which I have been recycling for almost six years.

Tinkerbell

Fruitcake: A slice of Heaven
Others would disagree. And not only fight for the rights of multi fruitcakes , but even delve into going where it seems half of the world dare not go, into an actual slice of fruitcake and partake of its substance.

The only thing I like at Christmas is to be invited over to parties and dinners throughout the season - and slices of FRUITCAKE!!!!!

Chunk

Fruitcake is by nature androgenous, therefore it is the perfect gift. There is light fruitcake as well as dark fruit cake. Some has a coating of marzipan while others have that stickiness on top. Some has a higher cake to fruit ratio then others.
Chunk

Some of us do like Fruit cake. My mom use to make the best. Of course the rum was here secret and she never gave me her recipe.

Jillieann/JR

Conclusion?:
I could not find , in the pages that I looked of photos any picture of anyone eating fruitcake. So to that side of the dilemma, I have no concrete evidence that anyone has even eaten fruitcake. I have seen several pictures of it cut up, and sitting on a table. I have also seen different types of fruitcake, which may disprove that fruitcake is only ONE single cake being passed around, unless that fruitcake is magical and can change forms and regenerate (become whole after being cut up).

Society whose mission it is to preserve fruitcakes: http://mbgoodman.tripod.com/fruitcakelinks.html

PS: No fruitcakes were harmed in the making of this post.




Additional comic:

[beth]

Very funny Ken/Kendra,

                       Thanks I needed that!!!!     I used to just send the fruitcakes along every year, never eating a bite from one.  A couple of years ago I had one in my trunk and forgot it was there. One day I had a flat and while lifting the great weight of the high density cake to retrieve the spare I had an idea!   Yep, now I use it for a spare when I have a flat, I find it much more substantial than the "doughnut" spare and can drive safely at any speed for any distance!


beth

[TheBattler]

I am not sure what all of this is about - who is  the on this one (I needed to get the new icon a go) . I do not mind a bit of Fruitcate.


Alice

[Laurry]

Ken/Kendra....tsk tsk tsk

What in the world are you thinking?  Here you are, a fine upstanding Androgyne, and you offer us a Binary view of fruitcake?  Just as I reject the binary gender worldview, so I reject the fruitcake choices.  

Personally, I'm going with "Standard Answer #1:  It Depends"

Not all fruitcakes are bad (just most of them).  I agree with Jillieann/JR's comments...the rum definitely makes all the difference.  I also like the lighter colored (and weighing) ones.  I'm just not a big fan of all the candied fruit...has a funny taste to me.

So, while there are a few Angels in the slice of Heavenly Fruitcake, most are Demon crumbs, scattered across the tablecloths of Christmas dinners everywhere.

Just my personal opinion.  If you happen to like fruitcake, God Bless you...you're gonna need it

.....Laurie

[ChildOfTheLight]

I'm Jewish!  I avoid this evil known as fruitcake!  

Never had it, but I don't think I would like it.  Therefore, spawn of hell.

Blueberry pie, on the other hand...

[chunk]

...and on top of everything else, they are almost ten bucks!

  You're not supposed to BUY fruitcake, you're supposed to bum it off someone who bakes it. The fake store fruitcake is there to divert people away from the hand made stuff....leaves more for me and my fat bottom. LOL.

ACCEPT THE CAKE. DO NOT JUDGE IT BY ITS FRUITINESS... OR WHETHER IS IS TOO HARD ...OR TOO SWEET....TO DARK OR TOO LIGHT.

Let the fruitcake just 'be'.

 

Rev. Chunk

[Laurry]

Oh...you bet! I agree!  I have been trying to get rid of this fruitcake for over five years now.. >, but somehow I keep on getting it back every Christmas.........this time, one of my "favorite" aunties will be the lucky one...>

Tinkerbell...you are an evil evil woman...and I love you for it!!  Favorite aunts are the perfect ones on which to dump the old fruitcake Christmas present bomb.  Problem is, they also tend to remember to send it back next year.  

I've decided to try an experiment this year...starting the fruitcake swap tradition with my family.  (Getting old means you get to do stuff like that.)  I'm gonna give a fruitcake to everyone and see how many I get back next year.  I'm not gonna tell them about the experiment until the end of January...were they brave and ate it, or just tossed it in the trash?  How many were actually twisted enough to keep it and send it back?  Inquiring minds want to know...

Who said you can't mess with people for Christmas?  I'm giving them the gift of entertainment, with a little dose of humility...how can that be bad?  The Spirit of Christmas is Giving...nobody said giving always had to be a good thing, did they?  >

ACCEPT THE CAKE. DO NOT JUDGE IT BY ITS FRUITINESS... OR WHETHER IS IS TOO HARD ...OR TOO SWEET....TO DARK OR TOO LIGHT.

Let the fruitcake just 'be'.

 

Rev. Chunk

Amen, brother!  Accept the cake (and prepare to send it back next year!)  It doesn't matter if it is fruity or not, too hard, sweet, dark or light BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING TO EAT IT!!!

Let it be, let it be...whisper words of wisdom, let it be.  That means, "Step away from the Fruitcake", it is the Spawn of Satan and will cause your immortal soul to be condemned for all time to eating nothing but candied lemon rinds and funky tasting bread...beware!  

Wound half a turn too tight this evening.......Laurie


Modified:  OK, that was little over the top...for those of you who (sadly) believe that fruitcake is wonderful, please accept my appolgies (that you don't know better)...LOL

If anyone took any of this seriously, rewind and start over...life is too short to worry about the large outstanding problems of life (but there's always time for a long, protracted discussion over the most trivial matters)

......Laurie

[Kendall]

Voting right now is exactly 50/50.

4 For
4 Against

Truely this incarnation has both a face of evil, and the purety of angelic delight. Such complex creation may have never been created since the beginning of time.

[Louise]

Not all fruitcakes are created equal.  What gives most fruitcake a bad name is the commercially made stuff that has citron as its main ingredient.  My wife makes fruitcakes every year for our family.  The recipe is called "Wexford Raisin Jewel Cake" and it calls for lots of raisins as well as candied fruit and nuts.  It must also be properly marinated in rum or whiskey.  

[chunk]

Not all fruitcakes are created equal.  What gives most fruitcake a bad name is the commercially made stuff that has citron as its main ingredient.  My wife makes fruitcakes every year for our family.  The recipe is called "Wexford Raisin Jewel Cake" and it calls for lots of raisins as well as candied fruit and nuts.  It must also be properly marinated in rum or whiskey.  

I'm assuming that the person baking this fruitcake should also be properly marinated? LOL. Could one use red wine for themselves and rum for the cake?

I've never made fruitcake. ----wait, a thought is forming....wait....sounds like....why not bake ......na, its gone. Had a thought but its gone.

Chunk

[Kendall]

7 to 7  = tie still.

[Laurry]

SAVE THE FRUITCAKE

Are you aware that each year literally thousands, if not millions, of innocent, helpless fruitcakes are slaughtered and chopped to pieces by intoxicated holiday revelers?  If this is not sad enough, the hapless fruitcakes are often placed into the drunken butchers' mouths and chewed.  While most are spat out because of their hideous taste (a natural defense mechanism) some are actually consumed!  This cannot stand!  Contact your state and local congressmen and political leaders demanding that they swiftly enact legislation to stop this vicious and perverse practice.  The fruitcakes are depending on you.

[Ricki]

Oh well girl and boys i am not gonna stay silent on this one rest assured my little lips are moving here!!!!!!!!!!!
First off many of my friends are fruitcakes.. Ha ha ha.....
I could not resist!  
My old boss was a fruitcake!........  that was not hard at all...
But seriously folks.. Hmm sort of an irony huh in this first ever landmark fruitcke posting.  No polls please i beg...
The only one i ever liked ever gave or ever counted is the one so laced and ladden with rum that you cannot taste anything esle in it! thus the fruit in cake and all along people thought it was the little bits of candied cherries and pineapples..
Tsk tsk.....
Fruit cake for all i say!  If the rum leaks out of the cake as it should then use the wrapping to start your fireplace with!
And to all a good night..............
Fruity kisses
Ricki

[Dennis]

I agree with Ricki. Fruitcake requires large amounts of alcohol both in it and in the consumer. The best one I've ever had was so soaked in Jack Daniels that I didn't dare smoke near it.

In general, they are best used for hand to hand combat, not eating. I have been known to go on diets to avoid fruitcake. "gosh sorry, looks fabulous, but I'm on Atkins".

Dennis

[Ricki]

Ahh Dennis that was great!  
It's nice to see some teasing and upbeat humor in an otherwise very confusing and topsy turvy world we live in!
xo
Ricki

[Casey]

and on top of everything else, they are almost ten bucks!  no way....LOL

Wow, ten bucks? I don't think I've ever eaten one that cost more than four. Maybe that's why I like fruitcake. I must be eating the el cheapo stuff. I guess just like modern art you have to pay big bucks to get something truly terrible.

Edit: Fixed quote - Melissa

[Laurry]

I guess just like modern art you have to pay big bucks to get something truly terrible.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!

Sometimes there are definite advantages to not being "cultured".  I'm still looking for a picture of the dogs playing poker for my home-office wall...maybe the guest room depending on who the guest is...if they are "snooty", they get the picture...regular folks won't have to suffer.

Wonder if there is fruitcake along with the cards and poker chips on the dog's table???  It would explain a lot...

....Laurie

[Melissa]

Wonder if there is fruitcake along with the cards and poker chips on the dog's table???  It would explain a lot...

Maybe, but the artist probably grabbed it off the table to munch on while he painted, which would explain even more.

Melissa

[Laurry]

I still haven't had any fruitcake, but I was thinking.......those ingredients never had a choice of whether or not they wanted to become a fruitcake, they were just made that way, and people just reject them and pass them on year after year.  All they ever wanted was to be eaten and enjoyed by people.   

Kelly (Sympathy for the Fruitcakes)

I am in no way denying the ingredients, nor the whole fruitcake, it's God-given rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Nor am I saying fruitcakes should be treated as the red-haired stepchildren of the food family.  They should be treated with the respect and admiration they so richly deserve.  Fruitcakes have a long history in our culture and are well known for their therapeutic properties...heck, just lifting one can be a cardiovascular workout requiring years of training.

Sadly, just as the rest of us don't always get what we want, the poor fruitcake's desire to be eaten is something I simply cannot help it reach.  I respect the fruitcake...heck, I even like it as a food item and a source of much jocularity...but, alas, I cannot eat it.  I have tried in the past to help the fruitcake achieve its goal of providing sustenance and tastebud entertainment.  I mean I really tried, but there is a weakness within me, a failing of perfect harmony if you will, that prevents me from fulfilling that goal.

I'm sorry, noble fruitcake, but perhaps one of my brothers and sisters and in-between-ers here at Susan's can bring about the exalted and righteous partaking of you that is so richly deserved.

Fruited be...

.....Laurie

[Kendall]

Once again ...tied 10 vs 10