Would you rather have transitioned as a (pre)teen?

[Nigella]

A wouldn't even have to think about it, YESSSSSSSSSS, if I knew back then and not been so shy and withdrawn. When I spoke to my mum and dad when I first told them I wanted to transition they even asked why I had not told them when I was little. OMG I thought they would have rejected me back then, it was the fear of rejection that stopped me.

In saying all the above I too have two great kids and I wouldn't have had them and they too I'm sure are glad they are here. The problem with all this kind of stuff doesn't help us to move forward, regrets are powerful and can pull us down the road of depression. I have told myself to leave the boy child behind and embrace my womanhood and live my life with the opportunities that now present themselves day by day. Leaving the past in the past and living in the present and looking to the future.

Stardust

[Jillieann Rose]

I have told myself to leave the boy child behind and embrace my womanhood and live my life with the opportunities that now present themselves day by day. Leaving the past in the past and living in the present and looking to the future.

Have to completely agree with you.
Even though I am only on the way psychically of having a corrected body.
Here to the future. 
Jillieann

[Muffin]

In an ideal world then sure, obviously. But realistically like I tell my mum these days it would of been seen as one of my many phases and not taken seriously, only in hindsight did it make sense to them. I had no idea what was what or that fixing it was possible. So to have said "I should of been born a girl". Would even to me just sounded like an unrealistic fairytale. It wasn't until I was much older that I found out it was possible to do something about it.
How do these kids know that something can be done about it? Are they just guessing? and hoping? ...it's brave to come out so young but it's also a huge risk as you don't really know what is possible... it is completely out of your hands.
One of the benefits of starting when older is that you are in control of it all. And from seeing some of the doctors I have and hearing the stories even these days it's scary. My trust of doctors has diminished greatly since starting transition. I could of ended up in any butcher of a surgeons hands. Such a risk..but at a young age you are not even aware of them.
I always felt that I needed to be independent as it's something in my life, it's my problem and it's up to me to fix it.. just to understand it I needed to have my own source of information (computer) and figure it all out myself before telling anyone.

Which raises a question are the ones that can come out so young just more extroverted or do they suffer more from dysphoria? I've noticed a lot of the videos/docos of the younger ones have siblings that are of the gender they feel they are... they have something right there to clarify what they feel..."I want what she/he has".. kind of thing. It acts as a mirror to what they feel inside? *shrugs*. I had two extremely rough brothers that would always hit me and play tricks on me and the thought of them finding out scared me so much early on... well right through I guess. And my hunch was right, one disowned me and the other doesn't really understand it but keeps face.

[Tammy Hope]

I can't really answer questions like this without the qualifier that you can't simply erase your kids lives, so my answer is always in the abstract that we lay that consideration aside.

that said, the complexity for me comes from elsewhere.

I know for certain that my dad would have tried to "fix" me. So from a personal point of view, would I go back in time and tell myself it's best to come out, yes but only if i had confidence there was an arrangement where i could have been supported. once my folks divorced (when I was 15 or 16) and I was living with my mom, then yeah, there was an opportunity and if i knew then what i know now, then I would prefer I'd come out then.

But then, having said THAT, I still have to modify it.  that, absolutely no doubt no way a MS school is tolerant of a trans student in 1980. so even though I might have had a supportive parent, i'd still have been screwed at school.
So, in the final analysis, there would have been little point until after I graduated high school.

So...pre-teen? a pipe dream that's unrealistic, but at 18, oh hell yeah.

[long.897]

I first realized that I was different at the age of 6 or so.  I remember for certain that I was in kindergarten.  I "came out" without really knowing the ramifications, and my dad tried to beat the gay out of me; I ended up with a broken arm.  Not so fun .  I really, REALLY wish that I would have gone to CPS or something at the time, and did everything in my power to start the transition.  I was young, and didn't really know it was an option.  I definitely didn't express the feelings as a preteen because of that incident, even after the feelings manifested in full at age 12 or so (grade 7.)  If I could go back and control my destiny, I'd do so in a heartbeat.  No use dwelling though. 

[Nero]

I've noticed a lot of the videos/docos of the younger ones have siblings that are of the gender they feel they are... they have something right there to clarify what they feel..."I want what she/he has".. kind of thing. It acts as a mirror to what they feel inside? *shrugs*.

I've wondered this as well. I was the oldest of three girls and the only cousin close in age was female as well. While I had male friends when I was little, it wasn't enough to really showcase the differences in how boys and girls are raised and treated. I'dve been suicidal/homicidal if I had had to watch someone in my family grow up a boy.

[carolinejeo]

I always knew I wanted to be a girl but pre-teen I did not know it was possible. I think it would have been difficult, particularly in the '60s when I was growing up.

I do wish I hadn't lost my nerve when I started to transition in my teens. Would have save me a lot of heartache.

Caroline

[tori319]

I'll be on hormones soon at 19 and as crazy as it sounds I'm mad at myself for not being sure as soon as I turned 18.I know my family never would have allowed it before I turned 18.So that's why I wish I had done it then.I know it sounds crazy but its another year I could have lived as my true self.

[rejennyrated]

I always knew I wanted to be a girl but pre-teen I did not know it was possible. I think it would have been difficult, particularly in the '60s when I was growing up.

I do wish I hadn't lost my nerve when I started to transition in my teens. Would have save me a lot of heartache.

Caroline

To answer the original question YES! In fact to and extent I did, but I still managed to mess it up. Like you I am a child of the 60's. In fact I saw the entire decade.

Unlike you I had the exceptional good fortune to have parents who allowed me, if not to fully transition, then at least to bend the boundaries severely and blend my gender so that I kind of grew up as a boygirl... They even found two very good schools which managed to allow me the freedom to mostly be myself short of medical intervention.

Sadly back then it could still all go wrong at puberty... I was send to a specialist who not only failed to spot that I had a low grade form of PAIS, but also thought that my parents had been wrong to make things so easy for me. He insisted that I must understand the likely hostility of the world and be made to fight for this to see if I really wanted it, and as a result refused to help me until I was at least 21 and encouraged my parents to become less tolerant of my gender non conforming behaviour.

The result was that at 18 I found myself for a few years and for virtually the first time in my life being forced to live as a full on male. It did not agree with me at all and only a few years into my twenties I transitioned and had SRS. Thankfully, though I didn't know it at the time my PAIS protected me to some extent from the full ravages of T. But I would still have given a lot to be allowed to transition properly at 16 when I first Saw Dr Randall as had been my expectation.

[Northern Jane]

If you had the chance would you opt to have transitioned as a (pre)teen?

I tried but I was born too early! If I had been born in 1989 instead of 1949, I probably would have succeeded.

I never did a good job at pretending to be male and didn't try very hard. Pretty much everyone knew I was "different" and by age 8 I was pretty open about my feelings; "I am NOT a boy, I shouldn't be!" and I was fighting it by puberty in every way I could. But there wasn't much known about all this in the late 50's and early 60's - it was seen as a mental illness and I fought as hard as I could without being institutionalized or put on testosterone against my will (to "make a man of me"). I grasped at every straw that came along (like stealing birth control pills when they first came out) and fought puberty and all efforts to pound me in to my "assigned role". There was no support, ZERO, but I kept trying to crack the wall of resistance.

Dr. Benjamin's book (1966) was a godsend and within a year I found a doctor (a long way from home) willing to start me in HRT and in 1973 I found Dr. Biber.

Would I have transitioned pre-teen? Damned right! If I had been able to crack the wall earlier, I would have been GONE!

[niamh]

It was very interesting to read everyone's thoughts on the matter. Thanks for that!

[spacial]

I didn't know any of he stuff about pubitory, hormones or such when I was young, but I could see the difference between grown men and boys.

I would have done what was necessary, myself if I'd had half a chance.

Pubitry, for me, was like walking through a bath of acid. It ate away at my body and my soul. It made me angry, depressed and disgusted.

My pubitry as quite late. But sadly, other issues came up at the same time.

I see young children now, givein opportunities and it restores my hope and faith in humanity that the world is continuing to develop toward sanity.

Children do need protection. They are not capable of making many decisions without suppot and advice.

But Children know who they are. They know if they have gender issues.

There is a video circulating of an interview with a young girl of about 10. Barbara Walters, I think. That child is so very lonely and at one point, breaks down. However distressing that is, she would be exactly the same, if not worse if she was not changing.

I feel so much for that litle girl. I want so much to reassure her, (but of course, none of us should even think of interfereing. Her parents are clearly very caring). But give the choice of being like that little girl and what I was, I would take that in a second.

It certainly wouldn't have been any worse.

[Korlee]

There really isn't any other answer for me then yes.  I knew when I was very young something was different just being around my sister and it drove me insane when we could not do the same things anymore.  When I was expected to play sports instead of being a cheerleader, etc.  I even wore some of my mothers clothes and my sisters cheerleader uniform a few times.  Then I was introduced to the net and bam.  I found a word and that word led to knowledge. 

I was a late bloomer anyways when I came out to my mom in my teens.  So I still very much so could have done this but like many of you here it ended poorly.  I would gladly trade the bitter person I am today because of so many things I was denied and will never get to do.  Just for the shot at a much more normal life with everything it entitled and above all love.  I've lost love due to being what I am and that pisses me off more then anything.

In a heartbeat.

[Angela]

I dont think I had a choice, since I didnt discover I wanted to be a woman till after college. When I was young I was always jealous of womens bodies , but having a girlfriend in college helped ease the pain. After college , we both went our seperate ways. The next year after college, something snapped inside me, and the rest is history, as Angela was born.

[Hannah]

I spent my teenage years drunk and stoned with my friends, and the rest of the time alone. I didn't even manage to finish high school. So yeah, if I transitioned sooner I only could of gained. I had, and still have, nothing to lose.

I always knew something was wrong, I just couldn't figure it out. Even when I had, I still denied it for a few more months before finally giving in.

As a silver lining I'm still young (20), so it's not so bad, but I have so much to make up for.

[Carlita]

I didn't really know till I was about 14 or 15. Once I did, I'd have taken the offer like a shot and since I was a late developer I'd have escaped the worst effects of testosterone.

On the other hand, i'd have been entering a very different world back then. I very much doubt I'd have been able, or allowed to have the same education or the career that I was able to build as a very privileged, apparently successful man. And since that's been a very satisfying, creative, interesting way of life that is a huge part of who I am, I'd have missed out on a great deal. I could not legally have got married until very recently and it would have been biologically impossible to have children ... and whatever the massive problems my dysphoria has caused in my relationships, my family is as precious to me as it is to all the other women on here who are late transitioners. So those are the reasons I tell myself for not regretting that I'm leaving it so late.

But how do I balance that against all the decades of yearning, the unexpressed longing, the envy of all those girls and women who naturally lived and dressed and experienced the world in the way I so wanted to do?

Answer: it's impossible. What's done is done. I've made my choices and I must live with them with as much peace and acceptance as I can muster. What other choice do I have?

[Flam]

For myself, yes. When i was getting older, the distance between me and my male friends grew and... It really depressed me  =/
People started to charge me for not being all that girly, for not wearing dresses and skirts, or not using earings and such things...
I was confused, in the begin, because when i was a child, nobody bothered me for playing with cars instead dolls and suddenly, they started to bugging me for wearing male shirts  ~..~;
Also, i couldn't sleep with my male friends anymore, like i did when i was a kid  =/
I was still a kid in mind, i had no idea of the difference between me and my friends! I couldn't understand why my parents suddenly prohibited me to do the same things i always did.
So, in a way, yes, i would like to have transitioned as a pre-teen. It would had avoided many problems and maybe the things with my family would be easier  ^..^"

But also... I have my partner. And he's a boy.
I guess... If i already had my male body when we met each other, would we be togheter now?
Y'know... 'Been a female make things easier to us  "XD
We don't have to deal with stupid people pointing to us and calling us as gays. He don't have to deal with his FAMILY questioning his masculinity and such things  >..<;

Yes, he knows about me and give me some support. "It's the person who's relevant, not the body that carries the soul", that's what we both think.  =)

[Gia]

heh, if i had the choice i would have transitioned in the womb.

Feeling is mutual.

I wonder sometimes if the pre-natal pills that moms take affect the gender development of the fetus.

[sarahann123]

Absolutley. I knew since the age of four but was too scared. I was caught many times with mom's clothes but it was seen as a phase and I promised not to do it again.

Sigh.

Sarah

[Tippe]

But then when I thought about it more I realised that as adults we are the products of our experiences. I do believe that I will be a better woman because I will have already been a man and had to fight to be recognised for who I truly am. It is in the struggles that we undergo true learning.

Actually I don't think so! Huge sums are put into prevention of mockery in schools, because causing such struggles to children are not making them stronger, but are instead damaging them massively and causing children to misthrive and suffer. People learn by affirming their qualities in a supportive environment much more than they do by being punished. For more info on societal rejection see

Gender Identity Disorder: Has Accepted Practice Caused Harm?
http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/1415037

I also get a chance at having kids of my own. I get that chance to have a family of my own, something that is not on the table for those girls.

Hmm, due to GID I've been severely withdrawn until I started transition. The thought of finding a partner, much less sharing my body in it's current state is impossible to me. Even if I'd been able to do so I probably couldn't get children anyway since I have extremely few gem cells as well as some other biologic curiousities.

Had I transitioned earlier I'd have a much greater possibility of living with a partner in a comfortable relationship and being able to adopt children.

If you had the chance would you opt to have transitioned as a (pre)teen?

Oh my, yes! It bugs me to know, that my mother actually started me out pretty girly with 2,5 years in all pink, red and purples but appears to have given up, when I was sent to kinder garden and later school. Since I was almost blind for the first 1,5 years and was called by a male name and pronouns I don't believe the colors actually impacted me, however the care takers and teachers seems to have undertaken a massive cause on boying me. For instance I remember I was not allowed to play indoor with the girls, but was sent out to fight with the boys against my own wishes etc. The styles that I loved from when I was a toddler was suddently unacceptable. Instead of beginning to play with the boys I just withdrew completely and I hated kindergarden by a good heart. If those professionals had looked at me as an individual instead of focusing on stereotypes regarding genital sex my life had undoubtedly been a lot different.

I remember once at a beach trip I just laid flat on the stomach face down into the sand all day leaving with a severe sun burn. I sought no contact with others at all! As friends I remember only two boys and four girls in total from my first 16 years and less from the next ten years. Even those were not close.
Since transition my personal development and social network simply exploded!

Another thing is that due to not transitioning earlier I spend all my students benefits on an education, which I am probably never going to use and I now have to do the study of my dreams completely unsupported.

Thinking about the enormous development I'm going through and that I am finally starting to build network and friendships there is no doubt I'd transition earlier if I could have redone it all over.



Tippe