I know that we have discussed the joys of passing as one's target gender when one tries and we have discussed the difficulties, having already started transition, of being read as our target gender when we are actually in the mode that aligns with our birth-sex (ie. out with our partner who just wants a night with the person they married). But what about passing before transition? Have people had trouble with this, passing when you didn't want to? When was it that you first started getting seen as your target gender when you weren't even trying? And what awkward situations have arisen?
I am an MTF and I have never dressed as female in public. In fact I have only dressed as female perhaps 4 or 5 times in my entire life and all of those have been inside the home. When I am outside in the world I always have and always do present as male because I haven't started transition yet and I had college to go to, now I have a job plus my family doesn't support it and most people who know me don't know that I am trans.
However, even in guy mode, totally without any make-up, no girl clothes, no nice manicure or haircut or eyebrows I have often been read as a woman in public which has often caused problems and embarrassment for me when at work, when at a restaurant and when using public restrooms.
I can't count the number of times men have stared at me in the bathrooms and how they have walked into the room, seen me and walked back out again looking confused only to come in again and glare at me. I have had cleaning ladies tell me I am in the wrong bathroom and bouncers in clubs shout at me for walking into the men's. Sometimes when walking towards the toilets where the two doors are side by side a woman coming out of the ladies' has kept the door open for me. At the office when dealing with the public I have been called 'mam' much to the hilarity of my work colleagues and the embarrassment of me. When out at restaurants with my partner servers have said 'hello ladies', 'here's your meal ladies' for the whole evening. I have had fellow passengers who were male at coach-stops pick up my bags. I have got into clubs for free because the bouncers took me for a girl and I have been shouted at many times with all sorts of female pronouns and labels.
Two of the most embarrassing times are as follows: One was when I was at the library and having scanned my pass and walked past the security guard the security guard shouted back to me, 'mam, please come back here'. The problem was that he wouldn't believe I was the same person as on the male name on the computer screen and I was forced to show further ID to prove it was indeed my library card. Another time was when I was with my parents-in-law and visiting some people I had never met before for lunch at their house and after we all sat down the man of the house turns to my mother-in-law and asks 'and who is this nice young lady we have here?'.
My partner and her parents and I went dead silent and my my partner's mother had to explain that I was her daughter's
boyfriend! That was an embarrassing lunch!
I don't really know what it is about me that causes all these problems. I haven't oficially been on HRT. By unofficially I mean I was put on medication to treat acne when I was a late-teen and an unexpected side-effect was a significent development in breast-tissue and some softening of my features. But you can see from my picture that even with make-up I don't really pass. Now imagine without make-up.The breasts actually have become such a problem in the last few years that I am actually considering buying a binder. I have got some snide comments from children who laugh at the 'man with boobs' or 'the ugly woman'. *snif*
While all this would be very nice if I were actually transitioning it has created a huge amount of embarrassment and worry because I live as a guy 100% of the time. In recent years I have tried hard to play down my feminine gestures, worn a more masculine haircut and tried to act in a more masculine way so I wouldn't have such difficulty living as a guy.
So after all that waffle, my question is, have you been outed as transgender or viewed as your target-gender even when you were pre-transition and thought that you were portraying yourself as your birth-sex? What problems has that caused for you?
