Dear Community:
I am a 38 years-old biological male. My TG story began when I was about 5 years-old. At that time, I started liking to wear feminine underwear - more specifically pantyhose. As far as I can remember, at that time I did not feel sexually aroused but felt instead a soothing sense of deep-seated "warmth" and "comfort". Eventually, I got caught and was punished for my abnormal behavior. However, instead of cooling down, this strange attraction kept getting stronger and stronger. Eventually, when I reached puberty, I started feeling sexual arousal whenever I wore women clothes. I progressively got excited by wearing other women apparel - hosiery, underwear, skirts, blouses and even footwear.
I got caught I couple of times, sometimes in a rather humiliating way, but that wasn't enough to "cure" me. At that time, you know, I began thinking that I suffered from some kind of mental illness and I was deeply ashamed of it. My parents biggest fear was that I could be homosexual. However, that has never been a concern for me. I've always felt attracted to girls and never to boys.
I've always been a shy guy, but never displayed feminine mannerisms. When I was a boy, I didn't like to play ball or hockey, but neither did I enjoy playing with dolls or tea sets... I preferred to take long walks by myself, thinking about this and that, swimming, biking... Individual activities, you see.
I've always been a good student and got my MD degree at 28 years-old. That same year I got married with a great woman and I am now father to the two most wonderful boys in the world!
A few weeks before marriage, I told my then fiancee that I enjoyed using feminine underwear on an occasional basis... She found that odd, but did not protest and actually helped me choose a few pieces of ladies' apparel at a local department store! So we had sex quite a few times, with both of us dressed as women... That turned me on as hell! But eventually I became unable to get sexually aroused without being dressed... And I started seeing me as a woman, especially during intercourse. As a lesbian woman, that is.
As I already mentioned, I am an MD. As such, I was on the outpatient clinic and casually found half-a-dozen packages of estrogen pills (for post-menopausal hormone-replacement therapy). I thought: "Why not?" And I began taking the estrogen... A few weeks passed and I started feeling changes... More calm... Sensitive nipples and a slight breast engorgement. But one day, my wife found the pills and, as you guess, she immediately reasoned what they were for. No need to say that she was profoundly disturbed. I mean: her man trying to become a woman!
When I revealed those lately feelings to my wife (wanting to become a woman), she freaked out. She began threatening me with divorce and to take the kids with her (she comes from another country). That, however, was not an option I was prepared to accept. Especially because of the children, whom I deeply love.
I stopped taking hormones, but I still occasionally dress up as woman (when I am alone). However, I often feel that I am not living my life as my true self...
(... to be continued)
Hopeful Susana
