Work pronouns fail

[Teknoir]

How long did you stay at your old job before you transitioned far enough? I'm curious how long you had to put up with stuff.

I didn't. I cut it all off and started down a whole new career path. I didn't have enough history to care about, anyway. I've never been out at a workplace. The planets aligned and I lucked out big time .

I moved into my parents house several cities away (due to being thrown out by my ex, jobless, and broke), bound with cut up control top pantyhose, cut my hair with a straight razor in the bathroom mirror, and used a 'known as' name.

When in the new city I started study as male. I did my legal name change, bought binders and got on T when my student benefit payments started. Oh, and got a proper haircut .

Total cost spent before I went full time - around $40 in fuel, $5 pantyhose, $5 straight razor .

I haven't been in your exact position. The closest thing was seeing some of my "old friends" six months later and copping the wrong name and pronouns once or twice. It's nowhere near the same thing, but that aggravated me enough. I can't imagine it day-in, day-out.

I speak on the topic not as someone who has been there, but someone who is in stealth at work and heard the ways my cisgendered coworkers refer to transpeople when they aren't around (yes, we have more than one. All that anyone knows of are MTF though).

They aren't mean, but they can't get their heads around it. Names they get right, pronouns they don't. Their initial opinions never changed.

reading this thread REALLY makes me want to stick to my plan of just having a lame job that i don't mind quitting while transitioning, and waiting until i can live "stealth" before i get a real job in the field i'm going to school for.

If you can get away with it, do it. Expect to take one or two lame jobs as yourself to get your references up though.

I was doing my transition (far enough to be on T and go stealth) while I studied.

I had a job lined up in my "long term" field to start a year and a bit later (VERY long application process). I studied while I waited so I could get the student benefits to pay for T, and refine my social skills before I started my "real job".

It was the financial crisis, and there weren't any lame jobs going at the time... and study was a fun, relaxing backup plan .

[Radar]

I don't regret transitioning at the job I'm at now. The timing was right. People and the owner are supportive enough where my job's not at jeopardy (or so they say). The insurance helps pay for some of my transition and I make more money now than ever before. The downer is the wrong pronoun usage- plus other stuff that's been going on before transition and when I came out at work. Things might get better... but I'm not holding my breath.

The places I worked at before would have either not tolerated my transition or would make my life a living hell- plus less money for transition. In hindsight I wish I started transition in college, but that probably wouldn't have worked out.

I'm established in my career now but it's not like I'm locally famous or anything (one of the perks of living in a city). My biggest hurdle will be contacting my references to let them know. I'll have to gather some references too who know I'm trans. Even if I move references are still references. Hopefully no one would slip on name and pronouns.

If I started transition earlier in my career it would've made some things easier but some things probably wouldn't be possible. So, my timing's probably the best and this is the best place (career wise) to transition. I just wish people would get the damn pronouns right or at least be consistent. Hopefully if I keep reminding and insisting people will start. I think the more people will start to do it the more others will as well (monkey see, monkey do).

This part of transition really sucks. But, it will all be worth it.

[sneakersjay]

I don't regret transitioning at the job I'm at now. The timing was right. People and the owner are supportive enough where my job's not at jeopardy (or so they say). The insurance helps pay for some of my transition and I make more money now than ever before. The downer is the wrong pronoun usage- plus other stuff that's been going on before transition and when I came out at work. Things might get better... but I'm not holding my breath.

The places I worked at before would have either not tolerated my transition or would make my life a living hell- plus less money for transition. In hindsight I wish I started transition in college, but that probably wouldn't have worked out.

I'm established in my career now but it's not like I'm locally famous or anything (one of the perks of living in a city). My biggest hurdle will be contacting my references to let them know. I'll have to gather some references too who know I'm trans. Even if I move references are still references. Hopefully no one would slip on name and pronouns.

If I started transition earlier in my career it would've made some things easier but some things probably wouldn't be possible. So, my timing's probably the best and this is the best place (career wise) to transition. I just wish people would get the damn pronouns right or at least be consistent. Hopefully if I keep reminding and insisting people will start. I think the more people will start to do it the more others will as well (monkey see, monkey do).

This part of transition really sucks. But, it will all be worth it.

I hear ya.  I'm in the same boat.  They accept me for the most part, the money is good.  Maybe 1-2 more years and I'll be finanically more ready to move on.

Jay

[Teknoir]

Interesting!

Yeah... I keep forgetting you guys need a job for decent health insurance.

I had better coverage as a student than I do now. As a student I got free psychotherapy, free endo, and $5 T shots. My choice of private doctors all the way through. Part of the perks of having a student healthcare card. Now it's $20 a shot and $180-ish to see the endo (I'm still using private doctors with only public healthcare coverage... I should fix that one of these days )

Well, at least your job is not on the line. That's a positive. And it's easier to get one when you've already got one.