Corrupt-A-Wish

[Fighter]

Granted, you play the banjo.

I wish I wasn't ashamed of my past.

Granted. You're no longer afraid of your past, but you now know your future, which you are VERY ashamed of.

I wish I wasn't getting sick >_>.

[Sage]

Granted, your eyes get sewn shut and they die anyway.  (God, I'm terrible today, sorry if this sounds mean.  )

I wish I could get my haircut today instead of tuesday.

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Granted. Your hairdresser has a seizure while they're cutting your hair, leaving you with huge patch on your head.

I wish I had a super powers.

[Sage]

Granted, you have been given the power of camouflage-skin, but you always seem to turn the wrong color when you want to camouflage yourself, which is maddeningly inconvenient, I'd imagine.

I wish the crickets for my science experiment would at least chirp and amuse me, since observing them and taking notes is so boring when they're just.  sitting.  there.   

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Granted. Your crickets can now have an understanding of human interaction and can speak themselves, but they turn out to be stereotypical african american gangsters. They talk extremely obnoxiously and threaten to jump you if you tell them to shut up.

I wish I was wealthy. 

[Sage]

Granted. Your crickets can now have a full understanding of human interaction and can speak themselves, but they turn out to be stereotypical african american gangsters. They talk extremely obnoxiously and threaten to jump you if you tell them to shut up.

I wish I wealthy. 

(OMFG, Ebonics-speaking crickets!    That is freakin' hilarious!~)
Granted, but then all the poor people decide to kill you.

I wish I didn't need my glasses to see.   

[Dante]

Granted, you don't need glasses to see, because you can't see at all.

I wish the ending of the book I just finished didn't have such an annoying cliffhanger.

[Fighter]

Granted. Instead, the ending just plain sucks. And I'm talking Borderlands bad. "Yeah, I just found the Vault and I can get my phat loot now! Oh >-bleeped-<, giant monster! Yeah I killed the giant monster! Angel lady thanks me! I get...nothing but a chance to play again on a harder difficulty."

I wish we could all just get along~

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Granted, but instead of this being a 'transgender resources' forum, it's a forum about murdering/torturing and ways to hide bodies. 

I wish I had an ass like Nicki Minaj.
(butt-spiration!)

[Jasper]

Granted. You have her ass in a glass jar on a shelf. Too bad the police are after you now...

I wish I get a promotion at my work.

[Dante]

Granted, you are the new head officer of the new toys division, and your co-workers are children.

I wish I knew more good Halloween movies to watch!

[Lily]

You come home to find your entire bookshelf filled with your favorite scary movies.

However, the only one that works is a VHS copy of Ernest Scared Stupid.

I wish I literally had 99 bottles of beer on my wall.

[Dante]

Granted, but they're all broken and the beer is all soaked into the carpet. Enjoy!

I wish my homework for this week was already done.

[Fighter]

Granted. You meet a friendly alien who does your homework for you. However, you lose it the day it's due. Also the alien stole your wallet.

I wish I got paid more!

[Michelle.]

OK. But i'm payin ya' in used cat food cans.

I wish for the end of summer.

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Granted, but the catch is that next year's summer will be twice as long and hotter.

I wish my puppy could take care of himself.

[Fighter]

Granted. Your puppy can take care of himself. He just won't.

I wish work didn't take up so much of my day.

[Dante]

Granted, you're only at work for 1 hour a day. However, you decide to go back to college, which takes you 15 hours a day.

I wish I had better drawing skills.

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Granted, you have no joints now.
You practically have sticks for limbs:3

I wish I had a soundproof room so my mom will stop complaining about my loud music.

[Jayr]

Granted. But someone breaks in your room, and does horrible things to you [figure that one out yourself ].
But since your room is soundproof, no matter how loud you scream. Help never comes.

I wish I had a teleporting machine.