The Letter

[Tamaki]

Today I was reading another post that mentioned someone received their letter for HRT and that it was nice that someone else saw that she had GID. I thought to myself that it feels good to be validated and I was happy for that person.

Then the mail came and I got my letter.

Filled with female pronouns it spells out my situation quite concisely. Now I don't quite know what I'm feeling. I'm scared to death but with a smile on my face. It may sound weird but I love that I am female and hate that I'm trans.

It was so easy and quick to go through the system and at the same time it has been so hard to come to terms with. It's only been since May of this year that I've really been facing this. Tomorrow is a consultation for laser hair removal and another week I see the doctor for HRT. It feels like my life is going through an emotional blender. Fast and slow at the same time.

I've made a life of being a man with a wife, a house and a career (though I'm looking for a new career). It's a comfortable life but I'm miserable playing the part of a man. What I fear the most is that I will lose this comfortable life, even thought I hate my part in it, and have a very uncertain future but get to be who I really am.

I'm sure this is nothing new to any of you but I just needed to get it off my chest.

[K8]

Anytime we change (and transition is a BIG change), it can be scary.  We've sort of figured out how to manage the life we have, even if it's lousy.  How are we going to manage?

There is no timetable.  Go at the pace that is comfortable for you and your situation.  Congratulations on the letter.  Somehow having it spelled out in black-and-white is scarier than having it just in your head.  You can do this if you need to.  Others have done it before you, and we are here to help as much as we can.  Especially in the beginning, it seems like you are stepping off a cliff.  But you are finding your way through the woods and thickets, with help from others.  Bon voyage!

- Kate

[Colleen Ireland]

It's only been since May of this year that I've really been facing this. Tomorrow is a consultation for laser hair removal and another week I see the doctor for HRT. It feels like my life is going through an emotional blender. Fast and slow at the same time.

June for me, and, yup.  I'm about a month behind you in the coming-out-of-denial, but you're WAY ahead of me in every other way - I'm waiting for my GIC appointment, which, when I find out when it is, it'll most likely be sometime in the first half of next year.  Fast and slow at the same time... yup.  Here's one of the ways I pass the time while I'm waiting:

(to the tune of "The Letter")
Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane,/ Ain't got time to take a fast train.../
Waitin' days are done, I'm a-movin' on,/ the Clinic, they wrote me a letter...

Listen, mister, can't you see I've got to get there,/ Got to get there to my endo...
Waitin' days are done, I'm a-movin' on,/ The clinic, they wrote me a letter...

Well they wrote me a letter, said I couldn't live with out HRT...
Listen, mister can't you see I've got to get there, won't you please help me... Anyway, yeah...(repeat)

[Kay Henderson]

Somehow having it spelled out in black-and-white is scarier than having it just in your head.

Amen to that.

After relocating and starting to use a different VA medical facility, I suddenly found myself in the care of an endocrinologist and a primary care physician who are both experienced with transsexual patients.  HRT was prescribed as a routine matter, and I was scheduled for my first mammogram.

For the first time, I was being acknowledged and treated as the person I know myself to be.  Things had begun moving very quickly, and I had to resist the urge to put the brakes on.