Okay. I'm going to try to make as much sense as I can.
I know who I am. I know that I am a guy. I know that I can't continue to live as a female or in this body. I know that I want to take T, and am really close to getting it. My therapist is going to write the letter for me early next week, and I will get it by the end of next week. When she told me this, I was super excited. Nervous, cause it is a bit quicker than I had been expecting, but excited nonetheless. But anyway. I have been coming out to people a lot recently. My mom, best friend from home, godmother, and friends here at college. When I talk to my mom, friend from home, and my godmother, I have no doubt that this is who I am and what I need to do. But with my friends out here...they make me question it. There are some who while they don't agree with it, they love me and accept me regardless. Others have said that they love me, but haven't told me what they think. Then there are others who have not said anything at all to me. It really sucks. I don't want to lose these friends. And because of that, I keep questioning myself. I start thinking, could I live in this body? Could I continue to live as female? But I know I can't. I just hate knowing that by doing this, I am either losing friends, or the friends I'm keeping are going to be different. And they don't really accept me. I think it's kinda like they won't consider me a "he" until I get surgery or something. So that really sucks.
I'm not entirely sure what the point of this is. I just needed to talk to someone about this, and see if anyone has felt like this or does feel like this. I don't know if it is any worse right now cause it is that dreaded time of the month. That always really messes with my mind. Any thoughts or advice?
