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Confused...

Started by Divine, October 20, 2010, 04:18:16 PM

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Divine

As the title imply's I am a bit unsure as to where on the spectrum I fall, and I was hoping there might be others with simular feelings that can relate. Let me explain myself.

I am very much a fem guy. I enjoy girly music, I enjoy accessories, long finger nails, I am very well groomed, I pluck my own eyebrows, am into famle shows/movie/entertainment, I enjoy the company of females over males, I use girly products(face creams,facials,manacures,body mist, and girly sented moisturizers), I deffinitely feel very feminine at times as I am very caring, soft-spoken, emotional, and very sensitive. These aspects of my being as well as the thought process and how I percieve a lot of things I find to be my feminine side.

I have an athletic/muscular/ type body, I have broad sholders, some (thank god) body hair, a deepish voice, and stylish yet still male wardrobe. These parts of me are the only ones I can relate to as my male qualities.

I for the most part ( as far as I am concered) view the world through female eyes, I am just in a males body. I know this sounds like your typical MTF type, but I am not sure if I want to go any further than just HRT and anit-T. I would gladly accept more femine features and I believe my mind is female anyways so I am not worried about the effects of hormones on my mind ( I cry to emotional moments a lot anyways ie weddings, movies, sappy t.v shows etc.)

I also have been mistake for being gay a few times. I know I am not as I am very much attracted to females, however, I will not denie there has been a few fem guys that have attracted me I just did not want to engage in any sexual activity with them (If that makes sence).  ( okay so I made out with a fem guy that might have been gay before)

I know I want to get on Hormones and I know I enjoy femininity and the way it makes me feel when I am being feminine but I am not sure how I feel about being full t-girl. I do not think I want to change my gender on paper either. I just wish I could have a big N for Neither male or female on my birth cirtificate for as far as I am concered I have a males body and a females mind. Can anyone help me? I do not know what else to say really...

Ps: I noticed a few spelling and grammer errors here and there and I apologise but if you get what I mean thats all that matters.
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lilacwoman

you're not the guy I sometimes see in the library?  He plucks his eyebrows and does his nails but but clothing, body and face language is fully unpassably male. maybe he just likes plucked eyebrows.

psychiatrists will prescribe hrt and anti-androgens to men who don't want to transition but your doctor may not be happy to do so until getting the go-ahead from a shrink who will probably want to see you several times before the OK.


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Divine

haha, I am not the guy you see in the library, although the mentioned characteristics do apply I only dress and look male (physical traits ie damn adams apple) I talk and have the body/face language of a female (from what I and others can tell).I am curious to know that if my therapist knows that I want to hang more on the girl side (hence the hormones) but not fully transition (SRS) that they will not take me seriously and not recommend I be on Hormones ( which would suck because I would rathere have estrogen running through me rather then this damn unwanted Testosterone.)
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ilanthefirst

Quote from: Divine on October 20, 2010, 04:52:14 PM
I am curious to know that if my therapist knows that I want to hang more on the girl side (hence the hormones) but not fully transition (SRS) that they will not take me seriously and not recommend I be on Hormones ( which would suck because I would rathere have estrogen running through me rather then this damn unwanted Testosterone.)

Are you just worried that this will happen or do you have reason to believe it is likely to occur?  If you don't have a good relationship with your therapist and can't talk frankly about your gender when it's important to you, you should find a new therapist!  I don't see anything wrong with being genderqueer or some other non-binary gender but still wanting some specifically trans medical treatments, and there are definitely doctors who share this opinion.  You might also want to ask over in the non-op forum if you think you'd like to pursue a feminizing hormone regimen without considering surgery. 
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Divine

I have no reason to suspect that I will be denied what I want after explaining myself so I guess it all boils down to being worried. I have not actually met with the specialist I planned on seeing. She is a gender therapist so I guess I could assume she heard about this before.

Thanks for your guidance.
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