For those on T who had depression and/or anxiety is it now any better?

[Ghost03]

Just as the title says, depression any better since starting T? And was your depression mainly due to being trans?

[Tay]

Both are much, much better. I used to be prescribed mood stabilisers, anti-depressants and also sedatives for when anxiety became overwhelming. Now I'm not on anything. Some days I still get a little anxious or a bit down but it feels much more like a "normal" range of emotions. T is the best anti-depressant for me!

[Ryan]

I was diagnosed with depression and put on medication at 15. I'm now 19 and since transitioning my depression has pretty much disappeared. I still feel the remains of it sometimes if that makes sense, but I'm no longer on medication and can function again.

[Nathan.]

I've not been on T long enough to tell but just coming out and people using Nathan and male pronouns made alot of my depression go away. I wouldn't even say I have depression anymore. I still have anxiety but most my anxiety has nothing to do with my gender dysphoria where as my depression did.

[Silver]

Yes. Mostly it was fixed by being called male pronouns etc. Coming out really helped me. But the T is just putting me in an even better mood because I'm excited

[cynthialee]

My spouse was dangerously depressed before T. Before T I had my guns locked up and I watched the pills like a hawk in this home due to fear of a suicidal spouse.
Now that Sevan is on T I am no longer on constant vigil to prevent my spouse from suicide.

[neroandrew696]

depression and anxiety has actually gotten worse, most the anxiety stems from my last job, but the depression seems to be from a real chemical imbalance that ive had for a long time now. as being related to being trans, its very minimal. i do plan on changing meds soon as i can. 11wks 1 day since i started t

[kyril]

I've been feeling some of the depression and anxiety lifting. I've had more energy and been more confident. It's a very subtle shift, kind of akin to what people describe experiencing as antidepressants begin to kick in (they never worked for me). I still have to break some of the behavioural habits and thought patterns I've developed as a result of being depressed. I don't feel fantastic yet, certainly not on the level of the times I remember actually not being depressed.

But it's definitely making a difference, however small - I feel like I have the tools to cope now, and I didn't before.

And the intrusive unwanted suicidal thoughts are almost entirely gone.

[cynthialee]

I've been feeling some of the depression and anxiety lifting. I've had more energy and been more confident. It's a very subtle shift, kind of akin to what people describe experiencing as antidepressants begin to kick in (they never worked for me). I still have to break some of the behavioural habits and thought patterns I've developed as a result of being depressed. I don't feel fantastic yet, certainly not on the level of the times I remember actually not being depressed.

But it's definitely making a difference, however small - I feel like I have the tools to cope now, and I didn't before.

And the intrusive unwanted suicidal thoughts are almost entirely gone.

Something Sevan says when one of us is feeling a little depressed....."even perfectly normal people have bad days."
It is ok to have a bad day and recognise it as such.
Sevan has had such a serious shift from HRT that antidepressants couldnt fix. For years Sev' insisted that there was an imbalance, seems T was what was missing.
Now Sevan is capable of feeling mildly upset without it turning into the worst thing ever. Sometimes something just pisses you off ya know.

[Arch]

I've been thinking about this lately. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that I got two short genes and just have a genetic predisposition to depression.

I am still depressed a lot.

I am better, but some of that is due to the intensive therapy.

My life changed rapidly in a lot of ways all at once. Some of my depression is due to the adjustments I'm making and my precarious financial situation.

Some of my depression is due to unresolved issues, some of them trans-related.

I get seasonal depression, and we're heading into winter now. I hope this winter isn't like the last one.

[tangobravo]

i was 11 when my family (mother actually) sat me down and asked if i was gay (lesbian) or if i actually wanted to be a boy, and i denied it. shortly after i was put on various anti-depression medications. but the medications didn't help with my depression or my suicide attempts.
so at 15, after multiple therapists and multiple counselors telling me what they thought i was or who i should be. i had no friends, and was at odds with my father and two sisters. that was when my family, mainly my mother, again sat me down and told me that if i wanted to be a boy. she'd support me and help me get to where i wanted to be. and that was when i came out.
my depression and suicidal thoughts almost instantly dissipated.
i'm now 21, and coming up on my second anniversary of starting testosterone. i'm happy to say i'm in a working relationship and have more friends than i ever did when i was trying to be a girl. i still have my moments in life where i feel sad and helpless. but it's no where near where i was in my life at 11 or 15.

[cynthialee]

i was 11 when my family (mother actually) sat me down and asked if i was gay (lesbian) or if i actually wanted to be a boy, and i denied it. shortly after i was put on various anti-depression medications. but the medications didn't help with my depression or my suicide attempts.
so at 15, after multiple therapists and multiple counselors telling me what they thought i was or who i should be. i had no friends, and was at odds with my father and two sisters. that was when my family, mainly my mother, again sat me down and told me that if i wanted to be a boy. she'd support me and help me get to where i wanted to be. and that was when i came out.
my depression and suicidal thoughts almost instantly dissipated.
i'm now 21, and coming up on my second anniversary of starting testosterone. i'm happy to say i'm in a working relationship and have more friends than i ever did when i was trying to be a girl. i still have my moments in life where i feel sad and helpless. but it's no where near where i was in my life at 11 or 15.

You have a great mom.
I love reading good storys.

[tangobravo]

You have a great mom.
I love reading good storys.

i was truly blessed to have a mother like her. the rest of my family has been just as supportive. my sister's adapted to it almost immediately. and even though my father dragged his feet, he's come to terms with it and is just as supportive of me.
i came over on thanksgiving of 04. and ultimately had to come out to my entire extended family on my mother's side. but thankfully they all accepted me. my father's side is less close to my family, but for christmas my grandparents on his side sent me a check (like they do every holiday) but wrote it out to timothe brandon (my taken name) it was quite moving.

[Farm Boy]

This is something I'm hoping for.  I've heard that it can make a big difference.  My regular therapist is trying to give me anti-depressants and such, and I'd really rather avoid that because I think they'd just zombify me.

[Shang]

I haven't started T, but going out with my hair cut short and in my guy clothing has lifted up a lot of the anxiety.   I'm hoping T will get rid of the rest.

[tangobravo]

This is something I'm hoping for.  I've heard that it can make a big difference.  My regular therapist is trying to give me anti-depressants and such, and I'd really rather avoid that because I think they'd just zombify me.

when anti-depressants are applied to someone who genuinely needs them, they don't zombify you. infact, they can up your energy levels and help you socialize better. if you're out to your therapist, maybe you should ask your therapist why they'd rather prescribe you anti-depressant rather than getting you on the road towards starting testosterone. they may see a reason completely separate from your transition that would be helped by anti-depressants.

coming out alone relives a great deal of anxiety and sorrow from someone. a lot of it is a matter of accepting that this is who you are. i'm not so sure if starting testosterone would medically make depression subside. or if it's the mental awareness that you're finally on the road to becoming the person you want to be that helps.
for me, even before starting testosterone, when i finally admitted to myself that i have always been tim, i started seeing the more masculine traits in my appearance.

[Jeatyn]

The mere act of coming out and finally being myself lifted a great deal of my depression and anxiety. Being pregnant has shoved me back into the closet and I feel myself regressing but it's almost over now....and then I can start T and finally live my life depression and anxiety free....I hope

[Arch]

This is something I'm hoping for.  I've heard that it can make a big difference.  My regular therapist is trying to give me anti-depressants and such, and I'd really rather avoid that because I think they'd just zombify me.

I do the zombie thing myself--the antidepressants actually prevented that from happening all the time. But I don't want to go back on meds. I've survived six years without them...seems like a long time...so much has happened, and I'm still struggling. Sometimes I think I should just give in and start up again.

One thing--I used to have a lot of social anxiety. The last few years before I came out, I managed to teach and hold office hours, but I hated going out, only did it when I had to, and rarely went out by myself unless it was to go teach. I still have the hermit streak--I don't think it will ever completely go away--but I'm much more confident when I'm out. My anxiety has decreased immensely. I don't know if any is directly due to T and its effects on my brain, but the whole transition deal changed my life. I'm much more comfortable with my social presentation.

[Jude_]

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety when i was 14. My depression and anxiety GREATLY lessoned after coming out as trans and living as a guy. I started making a bunch more friends, and having a more active social life. I felt more confident and sure of myself. The change was so noticeable to my parents that they came around to the idea of me being trans fairly quickly. They saw how happy i was living as a guy.  I tried going off my meds (with the permission of my shrink) a few different times, but the withdrawals were so bad that i would always end up taking them again.

I finally forced myself to wait out the withdrawals and get off all my meds. I think this a month or two before i started HRT. I felt A LOT better. I had been on them for so long that i didn't even realize how numb they were making me feel.

Once i started T, all of my anxiety problems went away and most of my depression. I feel pretty content most of the time now, and although i get sad or feel down sometimes, i wouldn't consider myself to be depressed. T kinda balanced out my brain and made me feel much calmer and emotionally stable.

[kyril]

coming out alone relives a great deal of anxiety and sorrow from someone. a lot of it is a matter of accepting that this is who you are. i'm not so sure if starting testosterone would medically make depression subside. or if it's the mental awareness that you're finally on the road to becoming the person you want to be that helps.
for me, even before starting testosterone, when i finally admitted to myself that i have always been tim, i started seeing the more masculine traits in my appearance.

I can state with absolute certain confidence that T is having an effect on my depression.

I've been dealing with depression (of several modes: major depressive episodes, seasonal depression, cyclical depressions from hormonal changes, and pregnancy and postpartum depression with psychotic features) since I was 12. About 3 months into my pregnancy when I was 19, I became suicidal (I'd had suicidal episodes before, but short-lived) and I've been pretty much continuously suicidal since then. For eight years straight. On "bad" days I literally wanted to die; on "good" days, I mostly wanted to live, but still had intrusive unwanted thoughts of suicide. Most days were bad days.

Antidepressants did nothing but make me nauseous - I've tried one from every group, none of them worked. I've been hospitalized twice. I've only actually made one serious attempt, when I was 16; the only reason I haven't tried again is the fear of what would happen if I failed. I spent almost every day for eight years wishing that I could just die from an accident or something, hoping that every car I was in would crash, praying that someone would kill me on one of my midnight walks, wishing that I'd be blown off the aircraft carrier I worked on. Or, on a "good" day, not hoping for those things to happen, but visualizing them in an uncontrollable repeat loop.

When I came out about 8 months ago, nothing changed. I felt "better" in a sense because I was no longer repressing my trans feelings and was able to live more-or-less honestly as myself. But I was still depressed, anxious, suicidal. None of the transition steps I made changed that. Not cutting my hair, not passing, not being called "he," not being supported and accepted by my friends. Not even coming out to my dad and getting the most incredibly supportive reaction I could ever have hoped for. In fact, the depression and anxiety intensified somewhat because of the stress of explaining myself to my husband and the sheer panic at the thought that I'd eventually have to explain to him that the relationship was over because I was going to physically transition. And the fear of not passing was a constant stress that made it almost as hard to go outside as it had been before when I was trying to pass as female.

Two weeks ago, I started T. I still haven't had that conversation with my husband. I'm stressed all to hell because now the clock is ticking on that. I'm scared half to death of what's going to happen when people at school notice physical changes, because about half of them including my advisor know me as female. I'm worried that I won't even like the changes I get from T, or that the ones I really want will take too long. My face is getting bloated and puffy, I'm getting a cold, and I generally feel kind of like crap right now. And because of the face puffiness I'm passing less than I was before. I'm having a bloody terrible day today for various reasons. And yet, despite all that, in the past three days, for the first time in eight years, I don't want to die. No part of me does. The part that used to make me think about killing myself even when I was happy...it finally shut up.

I can't possibly overstate the difference. It's not a placebo effect from me wanting it to work. God knows I wanted everything else I tried to work - antidepressants, St. John's Wort, CBT, DHEA, vitamins, diets, I tried so many things. Nothing made a difference. Not even coming out/passing/going mostly full-time, not even getting the approval from my therapist to start T. The only thing that has ever made a difference was actually having the stuff in my system for about a week and a half.

I'm not all the way out of the woods. I still feel anxious (though that's lifting), I still have trouble feeling hopeful about the future. But my brain is no longer trying to kill me. I can't begin to describe how grateful I am.