I can understand your confusion on some level. Though I have been pretty clear about my gender identity for a very long time. Despite it being a source of frustration, anxiety and depression.
Except being comfortable with my body, I have never been comfortable being male in terms of sex (but I don't think I would be comfortable being female either, thus my own conundrum).
I know how it feels to feel essentially genderless. The thing is though it cuts so deep and did when I was growing up. I was emotionally fragile growing up. The thing is when I hit puberty, instead of being attracted to women like most males, or being attracted to guys like gay men, I was focused on neither. Instead it became clear to me I may be an androgyne or maybe even transgendered and became drawn to alternate gender expression. Instead of my adolescense becoming focused on sexuality, it became focused on my complex issues of gender identity, which I am still dealing with.
I have explored the possibility of me being transsexual, and possibly transitioning. However I have realized I do not like the extremes of masculinity or femininity, I am comfortable with neither one, becoming a female would cause me as many problems as being male, in fact may create more problems I cannot even forsee. I explored being transgendered (in the narrow definition of the word, MtF, non-transexual, but hormones), even part time, but that was not right for me either. What I am ultimately drawn to is the middle of androgyny, which luckily I did get to live (in terms of all around expression) for several years of my life and that was probably the best period of my life. I could relate to the weird inbetween or neither more then I could being female or male. I also know the closest I could possibly be to my own gender identity is being a male eunuch (i'm not, but in truth I wish it often), then being fully male (which I never liked) or being fully female (which I am have become equally uncomfortable with the possibility of).
I have a few friends who are androgynes who are comfortable with thier body, and secretly I am jealous of them. The thing is I am also the only asexual I know personally who has issues with gender identity. I have rarely comfortable in my biological sex, despite being comfortable with my own gender identity. This has been very difficult, especially in recent years where professional choices moved me away from my gender identity. I realized I probably need therapy again because of this.
With that being said my interests are varied. I don't see anything as masculine or feminine. I love the arts and I love too cook. I love DIY craft fairs and I am an accomplished songwriter. I have met many musicians, some which have become extremely famous or were very famous when I met them. I love reading and learning, almost constantly. I have a love of literature, philopsophy and history. I love cinema. I could go on, but that being said I can talk to anybody about almost anything and in a honest and sincere way. My interests are so varied that it has lead to several good conversations with a variety of people.
