A few questions...

[Darrin Scott]

Sorry if it seems like I'm posting a thousand threads. I am using the search feature, but can't seem to find what I'm looking for regarding the questions I have.

Up until recently, I didn't know FTM existed. For real. I didn't know I could do anything about my appearance. I thought I'd have to look the way I do forever.

I was wondering....what's the difference between someone who is indeed trans and someone who is no more than a tomboy? Is gender dysphoria the deciding factor? I've looked into gender dysphoria and I don't know if I fit the bill. I mean, I like the idea of being male, often fantasize about being male and dress like a male, but having a vag doesn't gross me out at all. In fact, I'd rather keep it then get some of the expensive SRS's that don't come close to what I would want. I do want to get top surgery regardless as to whether I decide to transition or not as I hate my boobs. I mean, I guess it's a little different for everyone, but I don't know if this is a true thing or if I'm nothing more than a glorified tomboy.

[insideontheoutside]

What's cool is you don't HAVE TO do any thing. I think a lot of people really start to believe that they have to really change their bodies to become themselves (or the person they know themselves to be in their minds), if that makes sense. If you're still a teenager or younger, you might not have even come to a conclusion about who you really are inside. That's perfectly ok as there's no race being run and no decisions on who you personally are that have to be made by a certain time.

There's so much variation when it comes to gender and I think ALL of it is perfectly acceptable (if only the rest of the world did, huh?).

Honestly it took me till my 30's to really figure myself out - figure out what I was ok with ... figure out if there was anything I really wanted to change. And there's still questions even now, but I'm a heck of a lot more comfortable with who I am now than I was a decade ago (or in high school which was the absolute worst).

I know one thing you might run into though with the top surgery - no doc is going to just cut 'em off without the gender dysphoria diagnosis (I think ...). It's like how you can't just go into the doctor and go, hysterectomy please! Which I think is horrible whack because it's your body you should be able to do what you want with it. But they're going to want to see a confirmed diagnosis or something radically wrong (cancer, etc.) before removing anything.

[Darrin Scott]

Damn it! I really want top surgery! Like NOW!!! Haha......serious.

Thanks for reminding me that it's no big hurry. I'm 25 BTW. And it's interesting, because only recently have I given thought to the possibility of transitioning. I mean, I don't like being the "female" in the relationship and have always wanted to be the "man" in a lot of senses. I do identify as a lesbian currently....even that is in question! Lol. For the record, I've never been with anyone sexually. Male or female. So, I have no sexual experience to speak of, but I do know that if I were in a lesbian relationship, I wouldn't be on the receiving end. I never liked the idea. So....yeah....I'm far from saying that I'm going to transition, but I'm very open to the idea. It just seems that with the folks here, they have some kind-of disphorya. I don't think I do. I don't know if all trans folk have this issue. I never hated my body or anything like that (aside from large boobs), but have never enjoyed the "pleasures" of being female. Being a "typical" female was never me and I kind-of looked down at other girls for well....being girls. lol. I don't like to say this, but I can't stand it when girls say they're "tomboys". What I mean is, these girls who claim they are "tomboys" are found wearing make-up, girls clothing, shoes...etc...I don't even like to wear girls underwear, really. It's like WTF?!! It really annoys me because it's like, I've been this way my whole life. It seems that with a lot of girls like me, unless they identify as lesbian, they grow out of it or change for social reasons. It's like their selling out. (I personally hate that term), but in a sense, I pride myself on being on the masculine side. I wish I could be mistaken for a boy again. I don't mean to step on anyones toes and I don't mean to look like an elitist, but that's just how I feel about it.....

[insideontheoutside]

Yeah the gender dysphoria is an usual thing that I still try to wrap my head around. I know many trans people even have said there were points where they wanted to kill themselves because the dysphoria was so bad. There seems to be as much variation with that one thing as there is with gender itself. Unless you're looking to "fit in" with some community or have a specific label, I think sometimes it's better to just do your own thing, you know? I mean, that's pretty much what I do. I'm pretty good in my mind with who I am and how I act. I've gotten tons of labels from tons of people over time and I've realized that none of them are me. I can't make a judgment on what is good for anyone else though. Everyone's got to find their own way but you can certainly use others for guidance and input.

[lilacwoman]

it used to be the case that TS generally did not have much or any sex life as they felt uneasy and unaccepting about their bodies and also feeling unnatural didn't put themsleves in social situations so much as heteros.
Some of the early autobiographies emphasize this hermit like existence.
Last year I ran across an early transitioner who also said that today she would refuse sexchange to anyone who had been married fathered/mothered children or had had more than a trial sexual episode as the use of the original genitals showed that the person wasn't really TS.
Used to be that US voters only had to choose between Dem and Rep but now there are lots of choices.

If a person's body and sex really is bothering them and they think maybe they should be the opposite sex then its time to get some input from a professional or try living in opposite sex role.

[Nygeel]

it used to be the case that TS generally did not have much or any sex life as they felt uneasy and unaccepting about their bodies and also feeling unnatural didn't put themsleves in social situations so much as heteros.
Some of the early autobiographies emphasize this hermit like existence.
Last year I ran across an early transitioner who also said that today she would refuse sexchange to anyone who had been married fathered/mothered children or had had more than a trial sexual episode as the use of the original genitals showed that the person wasn't really TS.
Used to be that US voters only had to choose between Dem and Rep but now there are lots of choices.

If a person's body and sex really is bothering them and they think maybe they should be the opposite sex then its time to get some input from a professional or try living in opposite sex role.

I think it was more so that people just didn't talk about it. Many people that are trans have sex with the genitals they were born with, doesn't make them any less trans.

And I don't see the "lots of choices." It's still democrat or republican.

[lilacwoman]

nope.  I lived through those times and the early guardians who held the keys to the operating room didn't let in anyone who had not been a primary TS.
this is why lots of UK and European TS who had tried living and perhaps marrying in birth sex had to go to Cassablanca to get vaginas.

don't you have all sorts of odd people contesting city or state elections?   We get all sorts of small groups putting candidates forward.

[Darrin Scott]

Well, regardless as to whether I'm a "real" TS or not (What is a real TS, anyway?) I do plan on exploring this a little more. I guess my problem is is that I'm trying to label myself. Which I often do and it kills me because I can't fit into the mold. Whether it be trans, lesbian, bi, straight..etc.. I tend to want to fit into a nice neat little box. I'm learning, I don't fit into a box very well. Like I said, I don't mind having the body of a woman (aside from my boobs), but I would like to live as a male. If that makes sense? To me, this isn't as black and white as I initially thought. At least not for me. So.....I don't know if I'm the "real deal", but like insideontheoutside said, I just need to do my own thing. Regardless whether it fits into the mold or not. I hope to talk to either a gender therapist or a sex therapist about these issues.....

[Nygeel]

nope.  I lived through those times and the early guardians who held the keys to the operating room didn't let in anyone who had not been a primary TS.
this is why lots of UK and European TS who had tried living and perhaps marrying in birth sex had to go to Cassablanca to get vaginas.

don't you have all sorts of odd people contesting city or state elections?   We get all sorts of small groups putting candidates forward.

And I know a woman in her 50s...maybe 60s who is TS, a lesbian, and has a son. She transitioned (including bottom surgery) many many years ago...and has a biological son.

Aaaand nope. Maybe one or two odd candidates every now and then, but that's it.