My Fears

[ALBdegas]

Has any FTM ever had this fear before ?

I see all the hatred and discrimination and honestly it scares me. When I hear the ignorance and fear, it makes me highly irritated. But aside from those things, I am frightened of the future. I am afraid that I will never be able to find love or be able to be with anyone. Being heavy only makes me feel worse. Ive always struggled with weight and my first ever realationship ended in disaster. She not only cheated on me, but in the back of my mind, I knew she was cheating on me because I hadn't heard from her for atleast a few weeks to a month. But this was a long distance realationship.

But aside from the weight issues, I also feel being FTM could be a problem. I feel like no one will want to date me because of it and it makes me feel awful and frightens me because it seems like I won't have much a future.

Do any FTM's have the same fear or have any fears related to this before transitioning ? Does anyone have any advice with dates ? I have even been told by one of my lesbian friends, a few months ago, not to transition because I would have a hard time finding dates and acceptance..

[Devyn]

Has any FTM ever had this fear before ?

I see all the hatred and discrimination and honestly it scares me. When I hear the ignorance and fear, it makes me highly irritated. But aside from those things, I am frightened of the future. I am afraid that I will never be able to find love or be able to be with anyone. Being heavy only makes me feel worse. Ive always struggled with weight and my first ever realationship ended in disaster. She not only cheated on me, but in the back of my mind, I knew she was cheating on me because I hadn't heard from her for atleast a few weeks to a month. But this was a long distance realationship.

But aside from the weight issues, I also feel being FTM could be a problem. I feel like no one will want to date me because of it and it makes me feel awful and frightens me because it seems like I won't have much a future.

Do any FTM's have the same fear or have any fears related to this before transitioning ? Does anyone have any advice with dates ? I have even been told by one of my lesbian friends, a few months ago, not to transition because I would have a hard time finding dates and acceptance..

This may sound very stuck up, but I know I'm attractive and I still feel like I'll never find love, whether it be romantic or platonic. I'm very hesitant too, honestly. I feel like I won't be able to find someone who will accept me.

So, yes, in a way, I have the same fear. But I just look for love in general, even if it's not in a relationship-romantic kind of way.

I think this might be due to the fact that my mom won't accept my trans identity if I try to explain it to her, my best friend didn't believe me, and I've never been in a romantic relationship. I'm just trying to find love anywhere.

[Tad]

Meh.. I figured that.. if I didn't transition I'd likely end up dead in a few years.. even with all the love and support in the world. Something just wasn't right.. and it was eating at me. Finding acceptance as a Trans can be hard (though many societies accept then better then gays/lesbians)... but for me.. it was about what I needed to do to be able to live with myself. And transitioning.. has actually opened up a whole enw world.. I've found more acceptence, a relationship, I feel like I can just be myself - a guy.. and this guy is actually a pretty awesome person.

[xAndrewx]

This thought terrified me too in the past. I'm a larger guy like you, which made it worse so I do understand. The girl I was with for 5 years at first told me she wouldn't stay if I transitioned. So I had to decide if it was worth putting off transition and hating myself but then like Tad I realized it wasn't worth it. I HAD to be myself no matter what that meant and my (now ex for other reasons) loved the confidence I gained when I passed and she learned to accept it. I figure if I'm not even 21 and I met someone who could accept it then I will one day meet another person who will accept it and love me for who I am, not for who I'm pretending to be. To quote Eminem lamely (yes, I am a eminem fan) "be yourself man, be proud of who you are Even if it sounds corny, Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful"

[ForWantOf]

Has any FTM ever had this fear before ?

I see all the hatred and discrimination and honestly it scares me. When I hear the ignorance and fear, it makes me highly irritated. But aside from those things, I am frightened of the future. I am afraid that I will never be able to find love or be able to be with anyone. Being heavy only makes me feel worse. Ive always struggled with weight and my first ever realationship ended in disaster. She not only cheated on me, but in the back of my mind, I knew she was cheating on me because I hadn't heard from her for atleast a few weeks to a month. But this was a long distance realationship.

But aside from the weight issues, I also feel being FTM could be a problem. I feel like no one will want to date me because of it and it makes me feel awful and frightens me because it seems like I won't have much a future.

Do any FTM's have the same fear or have any fears related to this before transitioning ? Does anyone have any advice with dates ? I have even been told by one of my lesbian friends, a few months ago, not to transition because I would have a hard time finding dates and acceptance..

You should try not to worry so much, I know that's a very hard thing to do though. I'm sure most of us know how it is to have fears of not being accepted, and having such strong issues with ourselves physically that it seems like no one could ever want us. But one thing I'd like to point out to you is that it's not impossible to find someone that would love you for you. There are a great deal of people that don't understand trans related issues, but for everyone one of those people, there's a person who's opinion varies. In other words, you may not please some people, but you'll always find that there are people out there who you do please, and who aren't as judgmental as others.

Also your friend who told you not to transition because you won't find acceptance and dates is a bit absurd. There are so many FTMs and MTFs that are in happy, long term relationships.
Everyone has problems getting a boyfriend or girlfriend that they're completely happy with, whether they're skinny, tall, short, transgender, gay, lesbian, or anything at all.
It's all just a matter of patience and not driving yourself insane over it. Hang in there buddy, it'll get easier and all fall into place eventually.

[ki1977]

I have very similar fears, more about my height as I'm only 5ft 1. I used to worry myself sick and even stopped going out for a while.
But, there really are people out there, who will simply love you for just being you 
I just wish I'd figured that out earlier

[Radar]

Yes, I had these fears. So I accepted the fact I may never have someone else again. Despite this I knew I could accept this and knew that living as male was more important to me. I would rather not have someone than have someone who only saw me as female. It would be a lie to you and them. It tore me up inside.

[Konnor]

I definitely worry about the same thing man. All of my serious relationships (which, granted is only a total of like 3) have ended because they decided they wanted a "real man" instead of me. Being left for that reason alone really screws with a guy's head! Especially when I'm already an anxious, over-analyzing type of person. I'm not able to physically transition yet, so it's really hard to find a guy who is accepting of my male self in a female body. Even when I find someone who accepts me, I usually screw things up because I worry so much about being abandoned. 

However, I agree with what everyone else is saying. You just have to keep at it. There are people out there that will accept and love us exactly how we are. Nothing worth having comes easy. Don't settle with someone who isn't good to you or doesn't see you as male just because you want a relationship. Wait for the person who loves you inside and out, and you'll be happy. Sometimes we have to sacrifice companionship to stay true to ourselves. It really sucks, but it will be worth it in the end. Good luck mate, keep your head up! 

[ALBdegas]

Thanks guys ! I really appreciate the insight and support !

And I have heard of people leaving because their partner transitions.. It really sucks, but I guess in the end, it's for the better. It just comes to show who's willing and who's not. Before my ex cheated on me, she even told me that I wasn't really her type judging by my description of myself: Short, heavy and very hairy..I even have mini sideburns and haven't even started T yet.LOL. But really only gave me a shot because I had an amazing personality.

Sometimes I have moments where I love myself, sometimes I hate my guts, but I am who I am and I am not changing for anyone other than myself.

[Squirrel698]

I have no idea what might happen with you.  What your situation is really and what preconceived notions people might have around you.  The only thing you need to do is just stay true to yourself.  It's other people's choice whether they respect that or not.  There are a lot of people in this world.  You'll be surprised at what might happen or who you might meet.

For me things turned out better than I thought they would.  I fully expected my Mother to stop speaking to me.  I didn't want that to be true but it was.  The majority of my blood relatives are doing the same.  I missed them.  However they never knew me or really wanted to know me.  They just wanted me to be the way I thought I should be.  That was not fair to me.

I also figured my partner would leave me.  Thankfully he is still with me and we are going strong.  Of course there were bumps in our relationship but it's working out.  I'm really thankful for that.  I'm also making new friends and learning more about myself then I ever thought I would.     

It's about self acceptance which can't be rushed.  It really is a transition in more way than one.

[Inkwe Mupkins]

My fear of relationships I think comes from being overweight at 224 and 5'5". Being trans also has a lot to do with it. Its also the home I've been raised in. The last time anyone said they loved me or that I loved them was when I was 7. After that in my home it was kinda taboo to show affection in any way shape or form. Love is for the sick and the weak of heart is how it goes in my house.